"The Fire And The Baby"

The Washington Football Team released Dwayne Haskins. They fired him so quickly, I almost mistook him for one of their reporters who spoke up about the team's sexual harassment.

Lori Loughlin has been released from prison after two months. She is now expected to serve as the backup QB for the Washington Football Team.

Washington QB Dwayne Haskins was caught going to a strip club and partying without a mask. People knew it was him when the dollar bills he threw at the strippers were intercepted by other club goers.

Creed singer Scott Stapp will portray Frank Sinatra in an upcoming movie. Because of the role, Frank's new nickname will be "Ol' Bloodshot Eyes".

The COVID vaccine will first go to people who are considered at risk of getting sick. This means it will go to health care workers, the elderly, and people who have seen Alex Schubert do comedy.

The Cleveland Indians are getting a new name. If the Cleveland Indians wanted to remove the most degrading part of their name, they'd have to move to a new city. 

The NY Jets fired DC Gregg Williams. The organization told him, "Don't let the door hit you on the way out", and it didn't hit him, as it had a Jets logo on it. 

Ravens RB Mark Ingram has tested positive for COVID-19. Symptoms have been season-long, as both of them have hardly been able to smell the end zone all year.

A wildfire in California was reportedly started by a gender reveal party. I'm assuming the fire and the baby were both accidents.

An India-based media company alleged that Washington Football Team owner Dan Snyder had ties to Jeffrey Epstein. It was a news story that did damage to Snyder’s reputation and even more damage to Epstein’s.

Donald Trump spread several conspiracy theories about the 2020 election. The election wasn't the first time in 2020 that Donald Trump has poorly handled a spike in numbers.

A woman in Nebraska has been found guilty of killing and dismembering another woman that she met through Tinder. The story has been described as "gruesome, horrific, and the centerpiece for the new marketing campaign for Hinge".

The Tennessee Titans violated COVID protocols numerous times during the 2020 NFL season. The only time the Titans ever cared about social distancing was any time Marcus Mariota was around.

Odell Beckham Jr. reportedly likes women to poop on his chest while having sex with them. Since the women he sleeps with poop on his chest instead of in a toilet, it means that neither OBJ nor the women he sleeps with will ever take the Browns to the Super Bowl.

A rumor has been circulating that Odell Beckham Jr. likes women to take shits on his chest. And yet, that's not half as embarrassing as him having a Browns logo on his chest.

That's all I gots for right now! This is part two of three, so a summation of my quarantine will be up soon.

"Gay HIV Transmission"

KFC plans to double its presence in Africa, expanding up to 1200 locations. Meanwhile, in America, KFC has doubled the presence of most Americans.

Former “Baywatch” star and Playboy Playmate Donna D’Errico claims a male TSA agent singled her out for a full body scan at LAX. I wonder what would give that man the idea to do that.

Scientists in Kenya found a rare and very odd-looking fly, called the “terrible hairy fly”. Doesn't that sound like what a five-year old would call it?

A German man is under arrest after police found a 6-foot-tall marijuana plant disguised as a Christmas tree. One thing's for sure: those cookies weren't making it to Santa.

Iowa’s Derrell Johnson-Koulianos was suspended from the team due to charges he maintained a drug house. Isn't that called a college dorm room?

Texas defensive end Sam Acho won the award for college’s top scholar athlete. He absolutely deserves to win. At one point, his GPA was above 2.0.

New York Jets coach Rex Ryan buried the game ball after an embarrassing loss to the Patriots. After a game like that, who in their right mind would give the game ball to the Jets?

Singer Aretha Franklin reportedly has cancer. Did she not read the health warning on her hats?

Cats reportedly help kids avoid skin disease. Unless they are allergic.

A new study says that circumcision may not cure gay HIV transmission. Thanks for the tip!

A poll says that nearly half of Americans think China has the world’s strongest economy. The other half don't shop at Walmart.

A report says that one in four people released from Guantanamo Bay prison return to terrorist activities. I'm glad these people are learning their lesson.

A poll says that tax cuts for the wealthy are only supported by one third of voters. These voters are called "the wealthy".

Snooki from “Jersey Shore” will be inside the ball that will be dropped at Times Square on New Year’s Eve. Hopefully they leave her in there forever.

That's all I have for right now! More later!