Joke of the Day: Brett Favre says his injured ankle is not the number one factor in his decision for next year. The deciding factor will be whether or not he has the ability to even make a decision.
A majority of people in Arizona say they feel the new immigration law will reduce crime. At least, the Mexican crime rate.
“Family Guy” creator Seth MacFarlane says the Arizona immigration law is like Nazi Germany. Now I'm just waiting for a flashback to prove his point.
A study says that six in ten Americans live where air pollution is at dangerous levels. The other four have decided to move out of Los Angeles.
Denver voters will go to the polls to say if they think the government has covered up the existence of aliens. I say yes. The last time people in Colorado saw a UFO, the government said that a six-year old boy was inside.
A new study says that nasal spray can make men more empathetic. The same study says that the use of nasal spray in public can make men look more pathetic.
Teen sensation Justin Bieber says that had he not become famous already, he would have tried out for “American Idol.” If that were the case, he would have to wait 12 years until he was old enough.
A new study says that frogs can be similar to humans. Especially when a princess kisses one.
Swedish golfer Jesper Parnevik says Tiger Woods is not welcome at his house. Why would Tiger go to Jesper's house? After all, Tiger does have millions of dollars.
The Washington Nationals are going to promote Stephen Strasburg from Double-A to Triple-A. In other words, welcome to the Washington Nationals!
That's all for today! More tomorrow!
Showing posts with label Washington Nationals. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Washington Nationals. Show all posts
Saturday, May 1, 2010
Monday, April 5, 2010
"Arrested In A Pot Bust"
Yesterday was Easter Sunday. Still no word on how the Catholic Church celebrated.
President Obama says the nation would go bankrupt without Health Care Reform. Republicans are saying that the nation will go bankrupt because of health care reform. Either way, we're screwed.
Teenagers found a body while on an Easter egg hunt in Iowa. Those teens had to explain to police what they saw, and they had to explain to their friends why they were still Easter egg hunting.
Outdoor writer Tom Stiensra was arrested in a pot bust at his home in Weed, California. Stiensra now gets to write how he got arrested with pot in a city named Weed.
Shaquille O’Neal’s mother has written about herself. Someone related to Shaq wrote about themself? I'm extremely shocked!
A study says that adolescence in humans actually ends at age 28. Apparently these people forgot to study Charlie Sheen, Tiger Woods, and Jesse James.
Today is Opening Day in the MLB. As a matter of fact, the Washington Nationals have already started to make vacation plans for October.
The New York Mets have placed Jose Reyes and Daniel Murphy on the 15-day disabled list. If I had a nickel for every time I heard that, I could pay both of their salaries.
Republican Party chairman Michael Steele says he won’t step down because of the controversy caused by his staffers meeting at a sex-themed Hollywood nightclub. This is because staffers at a sex-themed nightclub is the Republican way.
Bob Dylan canceled his tour of Asia after the Chinese government blocked his concerts in Shanghai and Beijing. After all, he does sing protest songs.
That's it for today! More tomorrow!
President Obama says the nation would go bankrupt without Health Care Reform. Republicans are saying that the nation will go bankrupt because of health care reform. Either way, we're screwed.
Teenagers found a body while on an Easter egg hunt in Iowa. Those teens had to explain to police what they saw, and they had to explain to their friends why they were still Easter egg hunting.
Outdoor writer Tom Stiensra was arrested in a pot bust at his home in Weed, California. Stiensra now gets to write how he got arrested with pot in a city named Weed.
Shaquille O’Neal’s mother has written about herself. Someone related to Shaq wrote about themself? I'm extremely shocked!
A study says that adolescence in humans actually ends at age 28. Apparently these people forgot to study Charlie Sheen, Tiger Woods, and Jesse James.
Today is Opening Day in the MLB. As a matter of fact, the Washington Nationals have already started to make vacation plans for October.
The New York Mets have placed Jose Reyes and Daniel Murphy on the 15-day disabled list. If I had a nickel for every time I heard that, I could pay both of their salaries.
Republican Party chairman Michael Steele says he won’t step down because of the controversy caused by his staffers meeting at a sex-themed Hollywood nightclub. This is because staffers at a sex-themed nightclub is the Republican way.
Bob Dylan canceled his tour of Asia after the Chinese government blocked his concerts in Shanghai and Beijing. After all, he does sing protest songs.
That's it for today! More tomorrow!
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
"Door To The Afterlife"
Larry King’s audience on CNN has dropped 43%. Seriously, when it comes to Larry King, what hasn't dropped?
Google CEO Eric Schmidt’s compensation in 2009 fell 52%. This is a valuable lesson to all business people: Don't take China out of the picture.
A study says that job stress can cause weight gain in some people. Who knew being host of "The Price Is Right" was the most stressful job in the world?
A new study confirms that consumption of chocolate can help to reduce the risk of heart attacks. That's because your heart will be too fat and lazy to attack you.
Ricky Martin has admitted that he is gay. That's what happens when you live la vida loca.
President Obama will throw out the ceremonial first pitch for the Washington Nationals this year. Remember how poorly he threw the first pitch at the All-Star game last year? It was bad enough to make him the team's ace.
CEO pay in major corporations dropped 8.6% in 2009. However, unearned bonuses evened the bar.
When actress Lindsay Lohan left a friend’s house in LA Saturday, her shoes were covered in a white powder. Lindsay Lohan with white powder? I'm sure it's not anything illegal...
The chief executive of the New Jersey Nets will have a brown bag lunch with the Nets fan who recently wore a bag over his head during a game to protest the team’s terrible season. He had a brown bag lunch most likely because that's all he could afford.
A guest host filling in for Glenn Beck said that the new health care reform program is racist because it imposes a tax on tanning salons. This statement was complete bull, which made him the perfect substitute for Glenn Beck.
Heavy rain storms this week may cause flooding on the east coast and threaten to establish new rainfall records. And yet, the Knicks and Nets can't be farther underwater.
Archaeologists in Egypt have uncovered a 3,500-year-old door to the afterlife. Even more amazing, Larry King was a founding member.
FROM MY WRITER FRIEND JIM BARACH
A study says that binging on high calorie foods can be as addictive as nicotine or cocaine. The only question is whether you want your addiction to make you skinny or fat.
That's it for today! And this week has been amazing! Monday, I met Jay Leno and today Craig Ferguson called me a "little douchebag", but not in a bad way.
Anyway, more jokes tomorrow!
Google CEO Eric Schmidt’s compensation in 2009 fell 52%. This is a valuable lesson to all business people: Don't take China out of the picture.
A study says that job stress can cause weight gain in some people. Who knew being host of "The Price Is Right" was the most stressful job in the world?
A new study confirms that consumption of chocolate can help to reduce the risk of heart attacks. That's because your heart will be too fat and lazy to attack you.
Ricky Martin has admitted that he is gay. That's what happens when you live la vida loca.
President Obama will throw out the ceremonial first pitch for the Washington Nationals this year. Remember how poorly he threw the first pitch at the All-Star game last year? It was bad enough to make him the team's ace.
CEO pay in major corporations dropped 8.6% in 2009. However, unearned bonuses evened the bar.
When actress Lindsay Lohan left a friend’s house in LA Saturday, her shoes were covered in a white powder. Lindsay Lohan with white powder? I'm sure it's not anything illegal...
The chief executive of the New Jersey Nets will have a brown bag lunch with the Nets fan who recently wore a bag over his head during a game to protest the team’s terrible season. He had a brown bag lunch most likely because that's all he could afford.
A guest host filling in for Glenn Beck said that the new health care reform program is racist because it imposes a tax on tanning salons. This statement was complete bull, which made him the perfect substitute for Glenn Beck.
Heavy rain storms this week may cause flooding on the east coast and threaten to establish new rainfall records. And yet, the Knicks and Nets can't be farther underwater.
Archaeologists in Egypt have uncovered a 3,500-year-old door to the afterlife. Even more amazing, Larry King was a founding member.
FROM MY WRITER FRIEND JIM BARACH
A study says that binging on high calorie foods can be as addictive as nicotine or cocaine. The only question is whether you want your addiction to make you skinny or fat.
That's it for today! And this week has been amazing! Monday, I met Jay Leno and today Craig Ferguson called me a "little douchebag", but not in a bad way.
Anyway, more jokes tomorrow!
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