"Five Wives"

A Japanese man cooked his own genitals and served them at a banquet. I can't believe he had the balls to do that.

Jenna Jameson was arrested for DUI. Let me get this straight. A drunk porn star in handcuffs? There is a god!

A Tennessee man, Desmond Hatchett, has fathered 30 children with 11 different women.  Does this guy have Maury Povich on speed dial?


Tonight is the National Spelling Bee.  The winner will more than likely get a red dot on their forehead.


Justin Bieber reportedly assaulted a member of the paparazzi.  If I were Justin Bieber, I would punch myself in the face.


A three-year old boy was kicked off an Alaska Airlines flight.  As a person who gets on airplanes sometimes, I hope to God this catches on.


“Five Wives” Vodka is being criticized for being offensive to Mormons.  And Mitt Romney isn't?


A Michigan woman who was abducted, shot and set on fire has given birth to a baby boy.  She named it "Johnny Knoxville".

The IRS says that 1 in 189 high income earners paid no income tax in 2009.  Ironically, they all endorsed Mitt Romney.


An explosion in Kenya that injured 33 people is being blamed on a “bearded man”.  Who knew the Amish could cause explosions?


The War in Afghanistan has severely limited tourism in that country, according to the government.  But let's be honest, here.  What is there to see in Afghanistan besides deserts and batshit crazy people?


A study says that saturated fat hurts people’s brain function.  This means that Oprah Winfrey is mentally retarded.


That's all I have for today!  More coming later!

"1 Trillion Playbacks"

Mike Huckabee says that Mitt Romney will win the Iowa primary if the weather is nice on January 3rd. Meanwhile, up in heaven, God is preparing the world's largest thunderstorm.

Donald Trump says he is breaking with the Republican Party in order to make an independent run for President. Because if anybody has a chance to win, it's an independent candidate.

Robert De Niro has become a father at age 68. You can tell it was De Niro's kid because it already made a shitty movie with Ben Stiller.

A survey says that religious Americans are just as likely to incorporate technology into their lives as others. Are we forgetting that Amish is a religion?

A Vietnam store has made a Christmas tree completely out of cellphones. Well to be fair, they were cell phones from the 80s, so it only took six phones.

Justin Bieber surprised a friend with a brand new car for Christmas. The real surprise here is that Justin Bieber has friends.

Youtube says it has had more than 1 Trillion playbacks in 2011. Thanks a lot, Rebecca.

That's all I have for right now! My next post will be coming on New Year's Eve! I hope everybody had a great Christmas!

"Foreskin Man"

Congressman Anthony Weiner admitted that the underwear photo that appeared on his Twitter account was his. With a name like Weiner, what do you expect?

Sarah Palin insists she did not mess up her interpretation of Paul Revere’s famous ride. Palin added, "Of course, the Yiddish did actually come".

Al-Qaeda reportedly has a new leader. I don't know who the leader is, but I'm just going to assume his name is Something al-Something.

There is a new comic book that is anti-circumcision. The hero is named "Foreskin Man", and he spends most of the time fighting his enemy, "The Raging Scalpel'.

There is a new comic book that is anti-circumcision. The comic book's writers even plan to make a movie about it, but everyone is looking forward to the uncut version.

Mitt Romney says he “believes the world is getting warmer”. To be fair, he is really tan.

A New Jersey barber reportedly bit off half of a customer’s ear after he complained the haircut was taking too long. It's good to see Mike Tyson working again.

A woman has written a book where she makes herself perform one scary task every day. In chapter 46, she tries to spend 30 consecutive seconds looking at a picture of me.

That's all I have for today! More tomorrow!

"A YouTube Video"

Mitt Romney started his White House run with a YouTube video. Romney is exactly like Rebecca Black: an annoying little girl making news on YouTube.

An Applebee’s restaurant in Michigan accidentally served a 15-month-old boy a margarita instead of apple juice. He was disoriented, whiny, and unable to walk. Then again, so are most 15-month-old boys.

Rihanna says she’d like to spank Britney Spears. I agree. She is a terrible singer, and an insult to music. And Britney Spears is pretty bad, too.

California Governor Jerry Brown says the country is the most divided it has been since the Civil War. A poll was held in response to this quote. 50% of Americans agreed, and 50% of Americans disagreed.

A teenager claims she was told she was too fat to be in the front row of a taping of “American Idol”. Being too fat certainly makes her put the "American" in "American Idol".

Los Angeles Lakers guard Kobe Bryant appeared to use a homophobic slur against a referee during their game yesterday. It's the angriest Kobe has been since he was with a hotel room employee.

An Indonesian clinic says that smoking cigarettes can cure cancer and emphysema. That must explain Indonesia's new official mammal: the Camel.

Actress Catherine Zeta-Jones has been hospitalized with bipolar disorder. I guess that's what being married to Michael Douglas does to you.

That's all I have for today! More tomorrow!