Joke of the Day: MC Hammer performed at the Cincinnati Reds - Cleveland Indians baseball game. He performed "Can't Touch This" in honor of the Indians fielders.
Police in Oklahoma tasered an 86 year old woman after they said she took an aggressive posture in bed. Come on, an 86 year old woman is less threatening than the French Army.
North Korea is asking the U.S. for $65 Trillion in compensation for what they say has been six decades of hostility. And the U.S. is asking for $13 Trillion to get the U.S. out of debt.
A survey says more U.S. women are choosing to not have children. Considering what it did to Kate Gosselin and the Octomom, those women are fairly smart.
The British government is moving to save money on the national pension which could force people to work into their 70s. I sincerely hope this group of British people who work into their 70s includes Tony Hayward.
A study says that women are more attracted to men who play songs with romantic lyrics. Which means that Justin Bieber will have to wait another 15 years for women to be attracted to him.
A study says that couples fight over perceived threats and neglect. The entire study was conducted while scientists watched Jon and Kate Plus 8.
A study says that teens who have lax parents are more likely to drink heavily than those with strict and supportive parents. The study was conducted at the University of DUHlaware.
That's all for today! More coming tomorrow!
Showing posts with label Tony Hayward. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Tony Hayward. Show all posts
Saturday, June 26, 2010
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
"The Most Important Job"
Joke of the Day: A study says that Botox may temporarily paralyze a person’s emotions. It also paralyzes their facial expression.
Scientists say that it is the very small creatures who will take the brunt of the Gulf oil spill. I thought BP said they cared about the small people.
President Obama says that being a good father is “the most important job”. Considering all the crap that's going on in our country, I think that being President should be "the most important job".
British Petroleum CEO Tony Hayward says the Gulf oil spill could last another two to four years. When you spend a weekend watching your yacht race in Europe, that's not out of the realm of possibility.
A study says that chimpanzees in the wild will kill other chimps for land. Or, as humans call it, real estate.
A 56 year old Tennessee man has won the AARP Spelling Bee. He won by correctly spelling all the conditions he suffers from.
Vuvuzela inventor Neil Van Schalkwyk is cashing in at the World Cup. Mainly because everywhere else, he's getting death threats.
A poll says that Michael Vick is still the most hated man in sports. This poll was taken entirely by dogs.
A proposed new tax could raise the price of cigarettes in New York up to $10 a pack. The bill is called, "We only want the Yankees to smoke".
That's all for now, everybody! More later!
Scientists say that it is the very small creatures who will take the brunt of the Gulf oil spill. I thought BP said they cared about the small people.
President Obama says that being a good father is “the most important job”. Considering all the crap that's going on in our country, I think that being President should be "the most important job".
British Petroleum CEO Tony Hayward says the Gulf oil spill could last another two to four years. When you spend a weekend watching your yacht race in Europe, that's not out of the realm of possibility.
A study says that chimpanzees in the wild will kill other chimps for land. Or, as humans call it, real estate.
A 56 year old Tennessee man has won the AARP Spelling Bee. He won by correctly spelling all the conditions he suffers from.
Vuvuzela inventor Neil Van Schalkwyk is cashing in at the World Cup. Mainly because everywhere else, he's getting death threats.
A poll says that Michael Vick is still the most hated man in sports. This poll was taken entirely by dogs.
A proposed new tax could raise the price of cigarettes in New York up to $10 a pack. The bill is called, "We only want the Yankees to smoke".
That's all for now, everybody! More later!
Thursday, June 10, 2010
"Riddled With Errors"
Joke of the Day: Former “American Idol” winner Fantasia Barrino has been awarded her high school diploma. Even her former high school classmates are going, "Who is she again?".
The shares of BP dropped sharply in London amid a massive sell off. Don't they mean a massive oil spill?
CNBC financial host Suze Orman underwent an emergency appendectomy and had to have her appendix removed on Saturday. Apparently her appendix was suffering from heat exhaustion under her flashy jackets.
The Democrat Senate candidate in South Carolina is a 32-year-old man who lives with his parents and who’s been charged with showing obscene photos to a college woman. This guy was born to be a Senator.
A new survey found that 3 out of 4 Americans still believe that global warming is occurring. The other person didn't have Al Gore put a gun to their head.
Scientists say that the sun is about to become much more active, producing numerous sun spots. These scientists work for the Al Gore Institute.
New research from Britain found that an unmade bed may be unappealing to dust mites and thus may be healthier than one that is made. Apparently these researchers are not parents.
Boston Celtics guard Ray Allen was 0-for-13 from the field Tuesday night against the Lakers in the NBA championship series. Even BP was giving him advice on how to perform better.
British Petroleum’s 582 page plan for oil spills was riddled with errors and omissions, according to an analysis. Or, as CEO Tony Hayward calls it, "Perfect".
The oldest leather shoe ever found was discovered in Armenia. To which Larry King said, "I've been looking for that!".
A woman on a Continental Airlines flight from Israel to Newark, New Jersey says she was drugged and robbed on the flight. That sounds like something your health insurance company would do to you.
A 600 pound New Jersey woman wants to become the world’s fattest woman by making it to 1,000 pounds. I'm sure her parents will be so proud.
That's all for today! I hope I have more jokes tomorrow!
The shares of BP dropped sharply in London amid a massive sell off. Don't they mean a massive oil spill?
CNBC financial host Suze Orman underwent an emergency appendectomy and had to have her appendix removed on Saturday. Apparently her appendix was suffering from heat exhaustion under her flashy jackets.
The Democrat Senate candidate in South Carolina is a 32-year-old man who lives with his parents and who’s been charged with showing obscene photos to a college woman. This guy was born to be a Senator.
A new survey found that 3 out of 4 Americans still believe that global warming is occurring. The other person didn't have Al Gore put a gun to their head.
Scientists say that the sun is about to become much more active, producing numerous sun spots. These scientists work for the Al Gore Institute.
New research from Britain found that an unmade bed may be unappealing to dust mites and thus may be healthier than one that is made. Apparently these researchers are not parents.
Boston Celtics guard Ray Allen was 0-for-13 from the field Tuesday night against the Lakers in the NBA championship series. Even BP was giving him advice on how to perform better.
British Petroleum’s 582 page plan for oil spills was riddled with errors and omissions, according to an analysis. Or, as CEO Tony Hayward calls it, "Perfect".
The oldest leather shoe ever found was discovered in Armenia. To which Larry King said, "I've been looking for that!".
A woman on a Continental Airlines flight from Israel to Newark, New Jersey says she was drugged and robbed on the flight. That sounds like something your health insurance company would do to you.
A 600 pound New Jersey woman wants to become the world’s fattest woman by making it to 1,000 pounds. I'm sure her parents will be so proud.
That's all for today! I hope I have more jokes tomorrow!
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