We lost an hour this weekend due to Daylight Savings Time. Usually, when Americans lose an hour, they watch Dancing With The Stars.
Republicans say they’re planning an all-out assault on the Obama health care program. Didn't they already do that? They're called "attack ads".
Republican Senator-elect Rand Paul says lawmakers must consider cuts in military spending. Especially since we are pulling out within the next two years.
Britain’s Queen Elizabeth II has joined Facebook. And you thought poking was creepy before.
A Chilean miner managed to cross the finish line in the New York City Marathon. In fact, it only took him 69 days.
President Obama is in India pushing for U.S. jobs. This is being called "Operation Please Come Back To America".
Amazon is buying diaper.com for $540 Million. Americans who know the difference between the two get a huge cash prize.
A study says that tonsil surgery may not help kids to stop bedwetting, as previously thought. I have to ask: Where does pee come out of us again?
Penn State coach Joe Paterno has won his 400th game. He is such a legend that he is being offered a sponsorship deal for Flomax.
Jamie Moyer appears to have ended his baseball career after injuring his elbow playing in the Dominican Republic. Really? I thought at his age, people broke their hip.
A hotel in Sweden is letting guests use their mobile phones as room keys. Of course, it's kind of hard to get into hotel rooms while driving.
Showing posts with label Attack Ads. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Attack Ads. Show all posts
Monday, November 8, 2010
Friday, November 5, 2010
"A Big Parade"
President Obama says everyone in Washington, including himself, needs to do a better job. He's just figuring this out now?
A giant panda at the Atlanta Zoo gave birth to a cub for the third time. To which people in Chicago said, "Please tell me this cub can play baseball".
The Giants had a big parade in San Francisco. And then they realized that they won the World Series.
The price of sugar is at a 30 year high. And do you think obese Americans care?
A woman in Spain says she is “delighted” her ten year old daughter gave birth along with the 13 year old father. The woman added that it's nice to be a 21-year old grandmother.
A Los Angeles man says he stayed awake 40 straight days with no sleep. He stayed awake by being forced to watch attack ads.
Forbes has named Chinese President Hu Jintao as the world’s most powerful person. Let's be fair. His country has their own jobs. And American jobs.
That's all I have for today! More tomorrow!
A giant panda at the Atlanta Zoo gave birth to a cub for the third time. To which people in Chicago said, "Please tell me this cub can play baseball".
The Giants had a big parade in San Francisco. And then they realized that they won the World Series.
The price of sugar is at a 30 year high. And do you think obese Americans care?
A woman in Spain says she is “delighted” her ten year old daughter gave birth along with the 13 year old father. The woman added that it's nice to be a 21-year old grandmother.
A Los Angeles man says he stayed awake 40 straight days with no sleep. He stayed awake by being forced to watch attack ads.
Forbes has named Chinese President Hu Jintao as the world’s most powerful person. Let's be fair. His country has their own jobs. And American jobs.
That's all I have for today! More tomorrow!
Thursday, November 4, 2010
"Prop 19"
Prop 19, which called for the legalization of marijuana in California, did not pass yesterday. This is terrible news for stoners who still don't notice the difference.
Three US astronauts on the International Space Station cast their ballots on Tuesday. These votes did not have any weight on the election.
Indonesia’s erupting Mt. Merapi volcano forced the cancellation of numerous international flights. So numerous international flights did not fly. And then a volcano erupted.
The 49ers rallied to beat the Broncos at Wembley Stadium in London, Sunday, in front of 84,000 fans. Unfortunately, 83,000 of those fans thought they were going to watch a different football.
The Magic-Knicks game at Madison Square Garden was postponed after debris fell from the rafters. The debris fell faster than the Knicks' winning percentage.
A 17 year old stowaway in Siberia survived a flight in a plane's landing gear. And his ride was the most comfortable of anybody in the plane.
The midterm election turnout is expected to break records. One record: the most suicides due to being annoyed by attack ads.
A report says that Billy Ray Cyrus and his wife Tish ended their marriage after she had an affair with Bret Michaels. And after Billy Ray Cyrus had an affair with his daughter.
The lawyer of Brooke Mueller says her husband Charlie Sheen humiliated her. Isn't being married to Charlie Sheen humiliating enough?
Janet Jackson says in an interview that she never wanted to be a singer. If only Michael had that same revelation.
That's all for today! More tomorrow!
Three US astronauts on the International Space Station cast their ballots on Tuesday. These votes did not have any weight on the election.
Indonesia’s erupting Mt. Merapi volcano forced the cancellation of numerous international flights. So numerous international flights did not fly. And then a volcano erupted.
The 49ers rallied to beat the Broncos at Wembley Stadium in London, Sunday, in front of 84,000 fans. Unfortunately, 83,000 of those fans thought they were going to watch a different football.
The Magic-Knicks game at Madison Square Garden was postponed after debris fell from the rafters. The debris fell faster than the Knicks' winning percentage.
A 17 year old stowaway in Siberia survived a flight in a plane's landing gear. And his ride was the most comfortable of anybody in the plane.
The midterm election turnout is expected to break records. One record: the most suicides due to being annoyed by attack ads.
A report says that Billy Ray Cyrus and his wife Tish ended their marriage after she had an affair with Bret Michaels. And after Billy Ray Cyrus had an affair with his daughter.
The lawyer of Brooke Mueller says her husband Charlie Sheen humiliated her. Isn't being married to Charlie Sheen humiliating enough?
Janet Jackson says in an interview that she never wanted to be a singer. If only Michael had that same revelation.
That's all for today! More tomorrow!
Tuesday, November 2, 2010
"A Pink Wig"
Today, November 2nd, is "Day of the Dead". Today is a day that we celebrate the playoff hopes of the Dallas Cowboys.
At this year’s Miami Book Fair International, the featured country is Mexico. This came as a shock to all the Cubans living in Miami.
Brazil elected its first woman president. The next closest Brazilian woman to be their president: Ronaldo.
Rapper Lil Wayne is the second recording artist to release a No. 1 album while serving a sentence. If only Lil Wayne knew what the other kind of sentence is.
A new British study says alcohol is more dangerous than heroin, crack, marijuana and ecstasy. Let's be fair. Lindsay Lohan has overdosed on all these and she's still alive.
One of the now-famous Chilean miners will run in the New York City Marathon. Expect him to be interviewed by Oprah within the next week.
A survey says 75% of Americans feel things are going badly, the highest number since the mid 70s. The other 25% have been medically diagnosed as "crazy".
A survey says that 52% of Americans say the economy is the most important issue. The other 48% of people are stoners living in California.
Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez says that golf courses should be destroyed and used for other purposes. Expect this to be in an attack ad by tonight.
Randy Quaid and his wife Evi say they are on the run from “Star whackers” who are out to get them. They are perfectly safe. Neither one of them are stars.
China is holding the world’s largest census which will cover ten days to count all the people who live there. I saw the census. The box for number of children:
0 - [ ]
1 - [ ]
2+ - [ ]
If you answered "2+": What would you like to happen to you (you must choose at least one):
Die - [ ]
Die - [ ]
Die - [ ]
The owner of the National Enquirer is filing for bankruptcy. This is a sad ending for both people that still believe what they write.
A study says people are what they watch. This is terrible news for people who watch Jerry Springer.
A transsexual wearing a pink wig and a dress won Britain's national Scrabble championship. Congratulations, Lady Gaga.
The British big-and-tall retailer High & Mighty has introduced a size XXXXL suit for men with a 64-inch chest and 60-inch waist. In fact, they give customers a basketball court for a dressing room.
That's all I have for today! More tomorrow!
At this year’s Miami Book Fair International, the featured country is Mexico. This came as a shock to all the Cubans living in Miami.
Brazil elected its first woman president. The next closest Brazilian woman to be their president: Ronaldo.
Rapper Lil Wayne is the second recording artist to release a No. 1 album while serving a sentence. If only Lil Wayne knew what the other kind of sentence is.
A new British study says alcohol is more dangerous than heroin, crack, marijuana and ecstasy. Let's be fair. Lindsay Lohan has overdosed on all these and she's still alive.
One of the now-famous Chilean miners will run in the New York City Marathon. Expect him to be interviewed by Oprah within the next week.
A survey says 75% of Americans feel things are going badly, the highest number since the mid 70s. The other 25% have been medically diagnosed as "crazy".
A survey says that 52% of Americans say the economy is the most important issue. The other 48% of people are stoners living in California.
Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez says that golf courses should be destroyed and used for other purposes. Expect this to be in an attack ad by tonight.
Randy Quaid and his wife Evi say they are on the run from “Star whackers” who are out to get them. They are perfectly safe. Neither one of them are stars.
China is holding the world’s largest census which will cover ten days to count all the people who live there. I saw the census. The box for number of children:
0 - [ ]
1 - [ ]
2+ - [ ]
If you answered "2+": What would you like to happen to you (you must choose at least one):
Die - [ ]
Die - [ ]
Die - [ ]
The owner of the National Enquirer is filing for bankruptcy. This is a sad ending for both people that still believe what they write.
A study says people are what they watch. This is terrible news for people who watch Jerry Springer.
A transsexual wearing a pink wig and a dress won Britain's national Scrabble championship. Congratulations, Lady Gaga.
The British big-and-tall retailer High & Mighty has introduced a size XXXXL suit for men with a 64-inch chest and 60-inch waist. In fact, they give customers a basketball court for a dressing room.
That's all I have for today! More tomorrow!
Monday, November 1, 2010
"Stone Tools"
An 18-year-old US woman won the Miss World contest in Beijing, China. She had an amazing talent: being able to eat a cheeseburger without throwing it up.
California gubernatorial candidate Meg Whitman says that her former housekeeper should be deported. If she isn't deported, Whitman said that the housekeeper must suffer through watching campaign ads.
A New York judge says a four year old girl can be sued over a bicycle accident. They can be sued for the entire contents of their piggy banks.
Researchers have found stone tools dating back 75,000 years ago. They were first used when Larry King needed to build a new house.
A documentary about Justin Bieber will be in the theaters in February. And once it's out of theaters, Bieber will go where all the other talentless teenage heartthrobs go: the Disney Channel.
A study says that children in the U.S. watch an average of five hours of TV a day. Of the five hours, four hours and 50 minutes consists of negative campaign ads.
Facebook has spent $6,600 to fight the proposed Social Network Privacy Act. Do they realize how many FarmVille items they could have bought with that money?
A study says that pregnancy is less likely if the male partner is overweight. Mainly because women don't want to have sex with fat people.
California gubernatorial candidate Meg Whitman says that her former housekeeper should be deported. If she isn't deported, Whitman said that the housekeeper must suffer through watching campaign ads.
A New York judge says a four year old girl can be sued over a bicycle accident. They can be sued for the entire contents of their piggy banks.
Researchers have found stone tools dating back 75,000 years ago. They were first used when Larry King needed to build a new house.
A documentary about Justin Bieber will be in the theaters in February. And once it's out of theaters, Bieber will go where all the other talentless teenage heartthrobs go: the Disney Channel.
A study says that children in the U.S. watch an average of five hours of TV a day. Of the five hours, four hours and 50 minutes consists of negative campaign ads.
Facebook has spent $6,600 to fight the proposed Social Network Privacy Act. Do they realize how many FarmVille items they could have bought with that money?
A study says that pregnancy is less likely if the male partner is overweight. Mainly because women don't want to have sex with fat people.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
