Joke of the Day: A study says that Americans with kids 18 and under are less likely to get exercise and more likely to be overweight. Just like their kids.
The US Air Force is thinking about retiring the B-1 Bomber fleet in an effort to save money. The cause of this Bomber fleet's retirement is that every time somebody mentions it, George Bush thinks he has BINGO. (Punchline inspired by a joke from Jerry Perisho from yesterday)
Senate Judiciary Committee hearings on Supreme Court nominee Elena Kagan began Monday. Unfortunately for Elena, the Senate has turned it into a beauty contest.
Apple says it sold 1.7 million units of its new iPhone 4 in just 3 days. Which is approximately the amount of time it took for Apple to announce a prototype of the iPhone 5.
The Apple iPhone has several new Twilight-themed apps. In a related story, the number of teenage girls with iPhones has skyrocketed.
I don't think it was a good idea for President Obama to fire General Stanley McChrystal for criticizing him. Why? Because now when McChrystal criticizes Obama, it's not against the rules.
The FDA is urging that less antibiotics be used in meat products. "Don't worry, we'll cut down", said Viagra.
Lance Armstrong says this will be his last Tour de France. Of course, it raises suspicion when you have Brett Favre as your speechwriter.
A study says that left handed pitchers are more prone to injury than other baseball players. Well, to be fair, Ken Griffey Jr. pitched in high school.*
President Obama says the U.S. can’t borrow and buy the world its way to prosperity. One thing's for sure: Oprah certainly disagrees.
The Alaska Distillery in Wasilla has unveiled its new spirit - Smoked Salmon Flavored Vodka. It also goes by its other name: alcoholic ocean water.
That's all for today! More tomorrow!
*A little side note: Ken Griffey Jr. went to high school in my hometown of Cincinnati at Moeller High School.
Showing posts with label Twilight. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Twilight. Show all posts
Tuesday, June 29, 2010
Monday, May 10, 2010
"Ejected After One Pitch"
Joke of the Day: Senator Christopher Dodd says that Wall Street is detached from the “real economy”. Considering this economy, isn't that kind of a good thing?
A British family was rescued after their yacht hit an iceberg. Strangely enough, the name of their boat was "Titanic".
Federal Reserve Chairman Ben Bernanke gave the commencement address at the University of South Carolina and told the students that money can’t buy happiness. How would he know? It's not like he still has money.
A group of mothers in Denver is pushing for the legalization of marijuana. That's like the KKK pushing for Civil Rights.
Since the four-story dome that BP thought would stop the Gulf oil leak has failed, they think clogging the pipe with useless scrap material may work. Look, if a four-story dome can't stop a leak, I'm not sure useless scrap material will be much better.
The young adult vampire-romance series “Twilight” inspired the most popular baby names for both boys and girls in 2009. The most popular boy name was Jacob, while the most popular girl name was Edward.
Will Ferrell recently pitched in a minor league baseball game, and he was ejected after one pitch. Sounds like a remake of "Semipro".
That's all for now! More tomorrow!
A British family was rescued after their yacht hit an iceberg. Strangely enough, the name of their boat was "Titanic".
Federal Reserve Chairman Ben Bernanke gave the commencement address at the University of South Carolina and told the students that money can’t buy happiness. How would he know? It's not like he still has money.
A group of mothers in Denver is pushing for the legalization of marijuana. That's like the KKK pushing for Civil Rights.
Since the four-story dome that BP thought would stop the Gulf oil leak has failed, they think clogging the pipe with useless scrap material may work. Look, if a four-story dome can't stop a leak, I'm not sure useless scrap material will be much better.
The young adult vampire-romance series “Twilight” inspired the most popular baby names for both boys and girls in 2009. The most popular boy name was Jacob, while the most popular girl name was Edward.
Will Ferrell recently pitched in a minor league baseball game, and he was ejected after one pitch. Sounds like a remake of "Semipro".
That's all for now! More tomorrow!
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
"Ticketed For Speeding"
Joke of the Day: Former Arkansas Gov. Mike Huckabee says the effort to allow gays and lesbians to marry is like allowing incest, polygamy, and drug use. So basically he compared the gay marriage issue to Alabama, Utah, and California.
In Argentina, two escaped convicts hid from authorities by disguising themselves as sheep. If you are in Argentina, the sheep really can hit the fan.
Forty-seven year old former NFL star Jerry Rice says he’s going to try to play professional golf. It sounds like somebody has a little trouble meeting the ladies.
Ministers and legislators in Lebanon played soccer together Tuesday to mark a special anniversary in that country. If that same thing happened in America, we'd almost be celebrating anti-celibacy.
Members of the New York Yankees were presented their championship rings Tuesday for winning last season’s World Series. The scary part of this: This was followed by Yankees players handing the presenters checks.
The "Twilight" book series is on a list of challenged books. No teenage girl has confirmed submitting a complaint about it.
A new study says that frequent password changes are useless and a big waste of time. You know, like the modern-day KKK.
Actor Aiden Turner of "All My Children" was eliminated from Dancing With The Stars. Turner can now go back to "All My Children", unlike Kate Gosselin.
28 states are considering expanding the authority of nurse practitioners. In a related story, Bill Clinton has announced that he is still extremely sick.
A new study says that the quality of nurse care is equal to that of doctor care. However, the nurses get the nod when it comes to guys getting a physical.
Sarah Palin truly is a hockey mom. In fact, all her children play the same position: Right Wing.
A driving instructor in France has been ticketed for speeding. Really? That's like the President of "Say No!" being arrested in a major drug ring.
Trash collected from the world’s waterways in one day last year netted 26,000 condoms and two million cigarette butts. And that was just from the Jersey Shore.
Toyota will stop selling its Lexus GX 460 SUV. Toyota finally realized that the last thing drivers want on the road is another Toyota.
These jokes were pretty good! More coming later!
In Argentina, two escaped convicts hid from authorities by disguising themselves as sheep. If you are in Argentina, the sheep really can hit the fan.
Forty-seven year old former NFL star Jerry Rice says he’s going to try to play professional golf. It sounds like somebody has a little trouble meeting the ladies.
Ministers and legislators in Lebanon played soccer together Tuesday to mark a special anniversary in that country. If that same thing happened in America, we'd almost be celebrating anti-celibacy.
Members of the New York Yankees were presented their championship rings Tuesday for winning last season’s World Series. The scary part of this: This was followed by Yankees players handing the presenters checks.
The "Twilight" book series is on a list of challenged books. No teenage girl has confirmed submitting a complaint about it.
A new study says that frequent password changes are useless and a big waste of time. You know, like the modern-day KKK.
Actor Aiden Turner of "All My Children" was eliminated from Dancing With The Stars. Turner can now go back to "All My Children", unlike Kate Gosselin.
28 states are considering expanding the authority of nurse practitioners. In a related story, Bill Clinton has announced that he is still extremely sick.
A new study says that the quality of nurse care is equal to that of doctor care. However, the nurses get the nod when it comes to guys getting a physical.
Sarah Palin truly is a hockey mom. In fact, all her children play the same position: Right Wing.
A driving instructor in France has been ticketed for speeding. Really? That's like the President of "Say No!" being arrested in a major drug ring.
Trash collected from the world’s waterways in one day last year netted 26,000 condoms and two million cigarette butts. And that was just from the Jersey Shore.
Toyota will stop selling its Lexus GX 460 SUV. Toyota finally realized that the last thing drivers want on the road is another Toyota.
These jokes were pretty good! More coming later!
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
"Meaner Than She Thought"
Research shows that colors described by people as to how they feel can indicate if they are happy or depressed. We know that, it's called the "Mood Ring".
A record 106.5 Million Americans watched the Super Bowl, making it the most viewed TV program ever. It surpassed the series finale of M*A*S*H, which ironically, was what the New Orleans defense did to Peyton Manning.
A record 106.5 Million Americans watched the Super Bowl, making it the most viewed TV program ever. The sad part: There was a bigger interest in the commercials than the actual game.
Even women watched the Super Bowl. They became especially interested once they saw Oprah.
Nancy Kerrigan's family is disputing the autopsy report on their father's death after a fight. Nancy claimed that she was aiming for Tonya Harding.
A majority of the top-grossing films in recent years have featured food and beverage product placements -- with junk food and fast-food restaurants grabbing most of the starring roles, a new study finds. In a related story, President Obama plans to dispute this study with an executive order called "Operation Twilight".
Ellen DeGeneres, the newest judge on "American Idol," says Simon Cowell is "meaner" than she thought. And she wasn't even at the auditions.
Speedy outfielder Willy Taveras has been released by the Oakland Athletics. Can you find ANY statement to be more ironic?
San Antonio Spurs guard George Hill is apologizing for nude pictures of himself that were recently posted online. At least it wasn't Grant Hill.
A North Carolina court has temporarily stopped the security rules that a judge issued for the retrieval of the John Edwards sex tape. That's because when it comes to John Edwards, there are no rules.
That's it for now! Congrats to Drew Brees and the Saints on their Super Bowl victory!
A record 106.5 Million Americans watched the Super Bowl, making it the most viewed TV program ever. It surpassed the series finale of M*A*S*H, which ironically, was what the New Orleans defense did to Peyton Manning.
A record 106.5 Million Americans watched the Super Bowl, making it the most viewed TV program ever. The sad part: There was a bigger interest in the commercials than the actual game.
Even women watched the Super Bowl. They became especially interested once they saw Oprah.
Nancy Kerrigan's family is disputing the autopsy report on their father's death after a fight. Nancy claimed that she was aiming for Tonya Harding.
A majority of the top-grossing films in recent years have featured food and beverage product placements -- with junk food and fast-food restaurants grabbing most of the starring roles, a new study finds. In a related story, President Obama plans to dispute this study with an executive order called "Operation Twilight".
Ellen DeGeneres, the newest judge on "American Idol," says Simon Cowell is "meaner" than she thought. And she wasn't even at the auditions.
Speedy outfielder Willy Taveras has been released by the Oakland Athletics. Can you find ANY statement to be more ironic?
San Antonio Spurs guard George Hill is apologizing for nude pictures of himself that were recently posted online. At least it wasn't Grant Hill.
A North Carolina court has temporarily stopped the security rules that a judge issued for the retrieval of the John Edwards sex tape. That's because when it comes to John Edwards, there are no rules.
That's it for now! Congrats to Drew Brees and the Saints on their Super Bowl victory!
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