"His Rapture Prediction"

In the California prison system, there are reports of 54 people sharing a single toilet. At the same time.

Radio evangelist Harold Camping says he was off by five months with his Rapture prediction; now, it will happen on October 21. In fact, his predictions are so bad, he has already scheduled a radio interview for October 22.

60 Minutes reported that cyclist Lance Armstrong encouraged doping among his fellow cyclists. God, talk about encouraging a stereotype.

A Canadian couple is keeping their baby’s gender a secret. I haven't heard about a Canadian baby with an unknown gender since Justin Bieber.

A study says that the way people make their vowel sounds can reveal their sexual orientation. I thought it was the way they pronounced their S's.

Health experts say that vuvuzelas may spread diseases. Like contagious ear ringing.

That's all I have for today! More tomorrow!

"Ugly Kardashian"

Khloe Kardashian says it’s tough to keep her self esteem when people refer to her as the “ugly Kardashian”. Isn't the "ugly Kardashian" kind of like being named the "shortest of the seven dwarfs"?

There have been reports that say that your name can determine your destiny. This is bad news for Miami native Bob Sharkbait.

A new report says that more health studies of gays and transgenders are needed. To be fair, scientists say they have already studied homo-sapiens.

The Kansas City Wizards of the MLS will name their stadium "Livestrong Stadium" after the company founded by Lance Armstrong. What do soccer and Lance Armstrong have in common? They are both known for only using one ball at a time.

Snooki from "Jersey Shore" is going to speak at Rutgers University. It marks the first time that "Snooki" and "university" are in the same sentence.

April 1st is Jon Gosselin's birthday. Coincidence? Probably not.

That's all I have for today! More tomorrow!

"A Half Sister"

Glenn Beck recently called Keith Olbermann "the world's biggest pain in the ass". People who have met me will beg to differ.

Lance Armstrong is retiring from cycling. That bicycle seat must have crushed his ball too much.

A new study says that kids with better self-control will become more successful adults. Do you know what this means? Lindsay Lohan could have been on Supernanny.

President Obama's State of the Union Address is going to be given soon. However, I don't think it's going to be very good. It was written on Twitter by Jets cornerback Antonio Cromartie.

Kazakhstan has extended its ban on antelope hunting until 2021. Oh deer!

Oprah Winfrey has discovered a half sister that she never knew she had. At least, that's what the half sister wants Oprah to think.

A Brooklyn man died after falling into a tortilla-mixing machine. The man's remains were described as bloodied, messed up, and quite delicious with some sour cream.

Fitness guru Jack LaLanne died at the age of 96. Pallbearers will carry the casket while stepping to this rhythm: AND ONE, AND TWO, AND ONE, AND TWO...

Herschel Walker is planning an NFL comeback at age 48. He lost a lot of skill, though. However, he could still be the starting runningback for the Carolina Panthers.

An Alabama law firm says that Taco Bell is guilty of false advertising when making claims about using “ground beef” in its products. That very same law firm says that Clay Aiken is guilty of being gay.

Chinese born pianist Lang Lang reportedly played music from an anti-American song at a performance at the White House. President Obama is furious, while Vice President Biden is laughing at the word "pianist".

Donald Rumsfeld’s memoirs are reportedly nearly 800 pages long. Of course, only three of those pages are worth reading.

That's all I have for today! More tomorrow!