"Get That Camera Out Of My Face"

MTV has ordered a reality show to follow a group of virgins. That sounds very interesting and riveting and get that camera out of my face.

Ariel Castro was sentenced to life plus 1,000 years in prison. To put that in perspective, that's approximately three Phish songs.

The Royal Baby has been named George Alexander Louis. So the baby was born in 2013, but it was named in 1885.

Michele Bachmann mistakenly received a vibrator in the mail. She described it as "Disgusting, foul, and it smells suspiciously like Marcus."

A Thai college made a banner where Hitler was next to Superman. It got worse when Mel Gibson U made a banner saying "What's the difference?"

A Netherlands woman says she has unwanted orgasms that start in her foot. Rex Ryan now has this woman on speed dial.

There is a Paula Deen themed cruise. I'm not saying it caught on with her racism but the ship takes off from the West coast of Africa.

A report says sibling bullying leads to depression, anger and anxiety. At least that's what my faggot piece of shit little brother told me.

That's all I have for right now! Sorry for this short list of jokes, but I want to come up with good ones occasionally instead of shitty ones with occasional good ones every day (who wouldn't). But if you're reading this, thanks a lot, and go and find some better jokes to make these ones look super shitty (this shouldn't be difficult).

"Sexual Prime"

An Ohio man was arrested for having sex with an inflatable raft. Oh, he's going to make a lot of friends in prison.

George Clooney says he is not interested in running for president. What a shame. He had locked up the cougar vote.

Afghan President Hamid Karzai says he wants a permanent U.S. presence in Afghanistan. To which China said, "NO YOU DON'T".

A human foot washed ashore on a beach in Vancouver, B.C., the eleventh one since 2007. It looks like Rex Ryan is going to have a very merry Christmas this year.

44-year old singer Sinead O'Connor says she is "in her sexual prime". I believe she spelled "past" wrong.

Oscar de la Hoya revealed that he used to be a crossdresser. Forget boxing. He should be the ring girl.

Katt Williams apologized for a racist rant against a Mexican heckler. That's right, she should be sorry.

That's all I have for today! Gotta go participate in a Demi Lovato twitter meme. She cuts herself! I would too if I were Demi Lovato. Well anyway, more tomorrow!

"A Foot Fetish"

President Obama signed the law that would repeal "Don't Ask, Don't Tell". Now, "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" will refer to pictures sent by Brett Favre.

Sports websites are reporting that New York Jets head coach Rex Ryan has a foot fetish. In fact, he gets turned on every time that trainer trips him.

President Obama says that the economy will be his "singular focus" over the next two years. Tell that to him when he wants to get reelected.

An 89 year old man from Michigan returned a library book after 76 years. Ironically, the book was called "Timeliness".

A poll says that 7 in 10 Internet users do not want ads targeted at them. The other 3 are the ones advertising.

A Kenyan prisoner was operated on to remove a cell phone from his large intestine. And you thought your service was crappy.

The Obama Administration says that polar bears are "threatened, but not endangered". In an unrelated story, Al Gore wants a new president.

A survey says that 26% of people say they cannot live without high-speed Internet. The other 76% are Amish.

That's all for right now! More tomorrow!