Osama bin Laden has been confirmed dead. Hey Osama, it's too bad those 72 virgins aren't in hell.
Sunday, May 1st, was Lei Day and May Day. In other news, May 2nd was Nay Day.
President Obama told jokes about Donald Trump at the annual White House Correspondents’ Dinner. My personal favorite was, "We found Osama, the man who does the worst work in the world. In a close second, Donald Trump's barber."
Singer Mariah Carey delivered twins Saturday, a boy and a girl. They were beautiful twins that weigh 7 pounds, 9 ounces. But enough about her breasts...
The Post Office has been approved to start selling gift cards. This is great news for both of the Post Office's regular customers.
When talking about Osama Bin Laden's death, Rush Limbaugh said, "Thank God for President Obama". He added, "And also, Alex Schubert is the world's funniest human being".
Investigators say that Apple’s Chinese workers are being treated inhumanely like machines. What? Is time-out too long?
Showing posts with label Child Labor. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Child Labor. Show all posts
Monday, May 2, 2011
Monday, November 29, 2010
"The Next Release"
While playing basketball, President Obama was hit in the mouth with an elbow. The last time somebody was hit in the mouth at the White House, Joe Biden was giving a speech.
A Russian scientist has recreated the Ice Age in Northern Siberia. In fact, it's almost as cold as the Cincinnati Bengals offense.
A 54-year-old Escondido, CA man pleaded not guilty to charges he had a bomb-making factory in his house. And now, the only bomb making factory in California is Ben Affleck's movie studio.
The Miami Heat held a players-only meeting. The meeting included Heat players LeBron James, Dwyane Wade, Chris Bosh, some other guy, what's his face, so-and-so...
Brett Favre has a sinus infection. Favre became sick after watching his own highlight reel.
Willie Nelson was busted for possession of marijuana in Texas. You know that saying, "History always repeats itself"...
New York City regulators want to update the dress code for cabbies. They are now making it mandatory for cab drivers to do laundry at least once a month.
A push is on for a Civil Rights Museum in Mississippi. That's like a Holocaust survivors' museum next to Mel Gibson's house.
England had its most widespread snowfall since 1993 last week. In fact, it snowed so much, England was more white than Star Wars conventions.
MTV says it will fight a lawsuit by a writer who claims to have come up with the idea for “Jersey Shore”. Here's my idea of Jersey Shore: it's exactly like the Jerry Springer Show, but with people who care about how they look.
The Obama Administration is telling Wikileaks that the next release of documents could put countless lives at risk, threaten counter-terrorism operations and jeopardize relations with other countries. Who knew it could get any worse?
A former Miss Universe from Venezuela was ridiculed after posting a statement on Twitter confusing Korea with China. The tweet: those Korean kids did a good job making my car.
The Irish Government has unveiled a harsh budget to slash deficits and keep the country from going bankrupt. In fact, people from Ireland are now limited to a six-pack of beer every day.
Derek Jeter is reportedly asking the Yankees for a contract offer worth $25 million per year. At that price, I would rather have Michael Vick as my petsitter.
That's all I have for today! More tomorrow!
A Russian scientist has recreated the Ice Age in Northern Siberia. In fact, it's almost as cold as the Cincinnati Bengals offense.
A 54-year-old Escondido, CA man pleaded not guilty to charges he had a bomb-making factory in his house. And now, the only bomb making factory in California is Ben Affleck's movie studio.
The Miami Heat held a players-only meeting. The meeting included Heat players LeBron James, Dwyane Wade, Chris Bosh, some other guy, what's his face, so-and-so...
Brett Favre has a sinus infection. Favre became sick after watching his own highlight reel.
Willie Nelson was busted for possession of marijuana in Texas. You know that saying, "History always repeats itself"...
New York City regulators want to update the dress code for cabbies. They are now making it mandatory for cab drivers to do laundry at least once a month.
A push is on for a Civil Rights Museum in Mississippi. That's like a Holocaust survivors' museum next to Mel Gibson's house.
England had its most widespread snowfall since 1993 last week. In fact, it snowed so much, England was more white than Star Wars conventions.
MTV says it will fight a lawsuit by a writer who claims to have come up with the idea for “Jersey Shore”. Here's my idea of Jersey Shore: it's exactly like the Jerry Springer Show, but with people who care about how they look.
The Obama Administration is telling Wikileaks that the next release of documents could put countless lives at risk, threaten counter-terrorism operations and jeopardize relations with other countries. Who knew it could get any worse?
A former Miss Universe from Venezuela was ridiculed after posting a statement on Twitter confusing Korea with China. The tweet: those Korean kids did a good job making my car.
The Irish Government has unveiled a harsh budget to slash deficits and keep the country from going bankrupt. In fact, people from Ireland are now limited to a six-pack of beer every day.
Derek Jeter is reportedly asking the Yankees for a contract offer worth $25 million per year. At that price, I would rather have Michael Vick as my petsitter.
That's all I have for today! More tomorrow!
Saturday, October 9, 2010
"More Privacy"
California scientists reportedly over calculated pollution levels by 340%. Apparently they spent too much time in Lindsay Lohan's house.
CBS is reportedly ready to let Katie Couric go, and the word is she may end up at CNN. CNN's new slogan: We take the crap that nobody else wants.
China could become the second wealthiest nation in the world by 2015. In response, China said, "None of this could have been possible without the children".
Software is being developed that can slim actors down on screen. Don't we already have that? It's called "anorexia".
Eminem says he doesn’t allow profanity in his home. That's like Lindsay Lohan having an alcohol-free refrigerator.
A study says that men sweat more than women. Mainly because women don't want to get that hot new shirt dirty.
Both parents and teens want more privacy online, according to a survey. "Not gonna happen", said Facebook.
The most popular Halloween costume this year is the cast of “Jersey Shore”. Hey, at least when you dress like Jersey Shore, you can keep the orange theme of Halloween.
A study is linking eating disorders to self-injury. Especially when the doctor tells you that you have an eating disorder.
Anderson Cooper says he is shocked that a movie trailer is using the phrase “That’s so gay.” Especially since it isn't Glee.
Research shows that 7% of all babies in the U.S. have their own e-mail address. Thanks a lot, E-Trade.
That's all I have for today! More coming later!
CBS is reportedly ready to let Katie Couric go, and the word is she may end up at CNN. CNN's new slogan: We take the crap that nobody else wants.
China could become the second wealthiest nation in the world by 2015. In response, China said, "None of this could have been possible without the children".
Software is being developed that can slim actors down on screen. Don't we already have that? It's called "anorexia".
Eminem says he doesn’t allow profanity in his home. That's like Lindsay Lohan having an alcohol-free refrigerator.
A study says that men sweat more than women. Mainly because women don't want to get that hot new shirt dirty.
Both parents and teens want more privacy online, according to a survey. "Not gonna happen", said Facebook.
The most popular Halloween costume this year is the cast of “Jersey Shore”. Hey, at least when you dress like Jersey Shore, you can keep the orange theme of Halloween.
A study is linking eating disorders to self-injury. Especially when the doctor tells you that you have an eating disorder.
Anderson Cooper says he is shocked that a movie trailer is using the phrase “That’s so gay.” Especially since it isn't Glee.
Research shows that 7% of all babies in the U.S. have their own e-mail address. Thanks a lot, E-Trade.
That's all I have for today! More coming later!
Sunday, August 29, 2010
"A Single Curse Word"
Joke of the Day: President Obama said that he isn't worried about the rumors that he is Muslim. In fact, he said that if he ever starts to worry about it, he will go to Allah for guidance.
The lineup for the next season of “'Dancing with the Stars” includes Florence Henderson, Brandy, Kirstie Alley and David Hasselhoff. The show should be more appropriately named, "Dancing with the Celebrities who have nothing better to do anymore".
The salmonella outbreak in fresh eggs has been tied to contaminated chicken feed. This just goes to show that even in the case of salmonella, the chicken came before the egg.
Youth employment for the summer was at 48.9%, the lowest rate since 1948. In fact, it's so bad that China is beating us by 51.1%.
Archaeologists have uncovered a 3,500 year old city in Egypt. In fact, they even have artifacts from when the city first opened. One of them was a "Larry King for Mayor" campaign poster.
Economic experts say there is a 40% chance of slipping back into a recession. Since when did America get out of the recession?
Heidi Montag is reportedly not pleased with some of her plastic surgery. Neither are most Americans.
The federal government is appealing a ruling that struck down a government policy fining broadcasters for even a single curse word. Unless you work at FOX News.
Blockbuster will reportedly file for bankruptcy in September. I guess they put the "bust" in "Blockbuster".
Glenn Beck said that he regrets calling President Obama a racist, adding, "I have a big fat mouth sometimes and I say things". In other news, Mel Gibson also said that he has a big fat mouth sometimes and he says things.
Paula Abdul is "speechless" that people want her to return to American Idol. Wait, there are people who want Paula Abdul back on American Idol?
That's all I have for today! More coming soon!
The lineup for the next season of “'Dancing with the Stars” includes Florence Henderson, Brandy, Kirstie Alley and David Hasselhoff. The show should be more appropriately named, "Dancing with the Celebrities who have nothing better to do anymore".
The salmonella outbreak in fresh eggs has been tied to contaminated chicken feed. This just goes to show that even in the case of salmonella, the chicken came before the egg.
Youth employment for the summer was at 48.9%, the lowest rate since 1948. In fact, it's so bad that China is beating us by 51.1%.
Archaeologists have uncovered a 3,500 year old city in Egypt. In fact, they even have artifacts from when the city first opened. One of them was a "Larry King for Mayor" campaign poster.
Economic experts say there is a 40% chance of slipping back into a recession. Since when did America get out of the recession?
Heidi Montag is reportedly not pleased with some of her plastic surgery. Neither are most Americans.
The federal government is appealing a ruling that struck down a government policy fining broadcasters for even a single curse word. Unless you work at FOX News.
Blockbuster will reportedly file for bankruptcy in September. I guess they put the "bust" in "Blockbuster".
Glenn Beck said that he regrets calling President Obama a racist, adding, "I have a big fat mouth sometimes and I say things". In other news, Mel Gibson also said that he has a big fat mouth sometimes and he says things.
Paula Abdul is "speechless" that people want her to return to American Idol. Wait, there are people who want Paula Abdul back on American Idol?
That's all I have for today! More coming soon!
Sunday, July 4, 2010
"A Computer Attack"
Joke of the Day: Britain’s oldest new dad became a father at age 79. He had the child with his 25 year old girlfriend, and claims he didn’t need Viagra. Or, as we call that in America, "Hugh Hefner".
Paris Hilton was arrested in South Africa for possession of Marijuana but was released and charges were dropped. That's weird; when it comes to Paris Hilton, possession, release, and dropping, it usually involves a sex tape.
Lindsay Lohan was reportedly punched in the face by a waitress while celebrating her 24th birthday. Police are calling this senseless, cruel, and, oh wait, that's Lindsay Lohan? She deserves it.
Factory jobs are reportedly returning but companies say that skilled workers are hard to find. Mostly because the kids want to enjoy summer break.
President Obama says the economy is headed in the right direction. But seriously, where else can you go when you've hit rock bottom?
70% of Texas schoolchildren failed the state physical education test. The other 30% were too lazy to get off the couch to actually take it.
Authorities in Austria are investigating the amputation of the wrong leg of a 91 year old woman. All they know right now is that they cut off the wrong leg and part of one of her breasts.
Gen. David Petraeus formally assumed command of the 130,000-strong international force in Afghanistan on Sunday, declaring "we are in this to win". Well, let's hope so.
U.S. officials have largely ruled out North Korea as the origin of a computer attack last July that took down U.S. and South Korean government websites. Mostly because nobody in North Korea knows what a computer is.
That's all for today! I'm leaving for camp very soon and I don't know if I'll be able to write. But anyway, more coming soon!
Paris Hilton was arrested in South Africa for possession of Marijuana but was released and charges were dropped. That's weird; when it comes to Paris Hilton, possession, release, and dropping, it usually involves a sex tape.
Lindsay Lohan was reportedly punched in the face by a waitress while celebrating her 24th birthday. Police are calling this senseless, cruel, and, oh wait, that's Lindsay Lohan? She deserves it.
Factory jobs are reportedly returning but companies say that skilled workers are hard to find. Mostly because the kids want to enjoy summer break.
President Obama says the economy is headed in the right direction. But seriously, where else can you go when you've hit rock bottom?
70% of Texas schoolchildren failed the state physical education test. The other 30% were too lazy to get off the couch to actually take it.
Authorities in Austria are investigating the amputation of the wrong leg of a 91 year old woman. All they know right now is that they cut off the wrong leg and part of one of her breasts.
Gen. David Petraeus formally assumed command of the 130,000-strong international force in Afghanistan on Sunday, declaring "we are in this to win". Well, let's hope so.
U.S. officials have largely ruled out North Korea as the origin of a computer attack last July that took down U.S. and South Korean government websites. Mostly because nobody in North Korea knows what a computer is.
That's all for today! I'm leaving for camp very soon and I don't know if I'll be able to write. But anyway, more coming soon!
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