Joke of the Day: Next week is "Idol Gives Back", where American Idol donates food and money to the needy. Or, as Taylor Hicks calls it, "Payday".
According to court records, 76-year-old CNN talk show host Larry King filed for divorce from his 7th wife. He was apparently influenced by his childhood friend, King Henry VIII.
British researchers say they are close to developing a type of “Viagra for women”, which would help with female sexual arousal. The pill is apparently called, "Make your husband look like George Clooney".
A study says that children as young as 21 months of age care if people try to help them. Which means that Justin Bieber won't be taking advice anytime soon.
A study says that television networks have snubbed and maligned the Tea Party. That's because when 7-year olds think that the Tea Party means something totally different.
New York City carriage horses have been ordered by city council to be given larger stalls, more vacation time and blankets in cold weather. Los Angeles has done the same thing. With Oprah Winfrey.
A dead man has been elected mayor of Tracy City, Tenn. A lifeless man is now a politician. Welcome back, Al Gore!
Britain is closing its airspace after a huge volcano began to erupt in Iceland. Nothing says "irony" like a volcanic eruption in a place called "Iceland".
New York City plans to stop paying teachers who do nothing. They figure they lose enough money when they pay the President for doing nothing.
Authorities said a man who escaped from the back of a police car in New Jersey tried to gnaw off his fingerprints. On the plus side, the police station was able to save money on fingerprint ink.
An Erie County judge has thrown out a lawsuit filed by the guardian of a 12-year-old girl who claimed the girl was burned and traumatized when a convenience store clerk allegedly aimed a hand-held price scanner at her face. Then, things got really interesting when the scanner beeped.
Two Chinese singers have become the first people in the country to fall foul of new rules banning lip-syncing. At the scene, authorities said, "You have the right to remain silent, Miss Spears..."
Israel has banned imports of the iPad, citing concerns the powerful gadget's wireless signals could disrupt other devices. America should do the same with the iPad because it disrupts other devices. Like cars.
Children who engage in creative and active play may grow up to be healthier adults, suggests a British study. Apparently the Britains dug up a time capsule with the study included in it.
For children at higher-than-average risk of asthma, having a dog around the house may increase the chances of developing the lung disease, a new study suggests. Man, I didn't know that when a dog pants, that means he's having an asthma attack.
That's it for now! More later!
Showing posts with label WTF. Show all posts
Showing posts with label WTF. Show all posts
Thursday, April 15, 2010
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
"Google, Kansas"
Starbucks is trying out a 31 ounce iced drink it is selling for $2.60. They are calling it "water".
Information released by the PGA says that John Daly has been suspended from the Tour five times, cited 11 times for bad conduct and been ordered to rehab seven times. And that was just last year.
A study says that too much time in front of the TV and computers for teens may result in problems developing relationships. This is especially considering what teens watch on the TV and computer.
Topeka, Kansas has temporarily renamed itself "Google, Kansas" to try to get the Internet company to test a new high speed Internet connection there. Yeah, like anybody uses the Internet in Kansas.
The Post Office says that it will have to stop delivering mail to homes and businesses on Saturdays. The Post Office then realized that you don't have to stop what you never started.
The earth’s movement during the earthquake in Chile may have actually shortened the length of the average day by one-millionth of a second. Or, as auctioneers call it, a sentence.
NBA star LeBron James has filed the paperwork that will allow him to change numbers on his jersey from #23 to #6, next season. In other news, former NBA player John Amaechi has decided that he wants to be #9. (think about it)
March 3rd is “What if Cats and Dogs Had Opposable Thumbs Day”. I can't believe people don't know about it. President Bush made it a national holiday five years ago.
March 3rd is “What if Cats and Dogs Had Opposable Thumbs Day”. In an unrelated story, March 4th is "What if People Thought of Days That Actually Make Some Sense Day".
President Barack Obama urged Congress Wednesday to vote "up or down" on sweeping health care legislation in the next few weeks. I was confused to hear that he was talking about Viagra.
A California man who tried to save water and money by removing his front lawn is being taken to court. That's strange. A California man can afford a front lawn?
Scientists trying to break the fat-and-disease link increasingly say inflammation is the key. I think they should break up the link into six parts. Fat, Healthy, Husky, Fluffy, "Damn!", and "Oh, Hell no!".
The American Cancer Society revised its guidelines for prostate cancer screening on Wednesday. Wait, I didn't know prostate exams had guidelines.
Well, that's it for this afternoon! Please come back tomorrow for more monologue jokes!
Information released by the PGA says that John Daly has been suspended from the Tour five times, cited 11 times for bad conduct and been ordered to rehab seven times. And that was just last year.
A study says that too much time in front of the TV and computers for teens may result in problems developing relationships. This is especially considering what teens watch on the TV and computer.
Topeka, Kansas has temporarily renamed itself "Google, Kansas" to try to get the Internet company to test a new high speed Internet connection there. Yeah, like anybody uses the Internet in Kansas.
The Post Office says that it will have to stop delivering mail to homes and businesses on Saturdays. The Post Office then realized that you don't have to stop what you never started.
The earth’s movement during the earthquake in Chile may have actually shortened the length of the average day by one-millionth of a second. Or, as auctioneers call it, a sentence.
NBA star LeBron James has filed the paperwork that will allow him to change numbers on his jersey from #23 to #6, next season. In other news, former NBA player John Amaechi has decided that he wants to be #9. (think about it)
March 3rd is “What if Cats and Dogs Had Opposable Thumbs Day”. I can't believe people don't know about it. President Bush made it a national holiday five years ago.
March 3rd is “What if Cats and Dogs Had Opposable Thumbs Day”. In an unrelated story, March 4th is "What if People Thought of Days That Actually Make Some Sense Day".
President Barack Obama urged Congress Wednesday to vote "up or down" on sweeping health care legislation in the next few weeks. I was confused to hear that he was talking about Viagra.
A California man who tried to save water and money by removing his front lawn is being taken to court. That's strange. A California man can afford a front lawn?
Scientists trying to break the fat-and-disease link increasingly say inflammation is the key. I think they should break up the link into six parts. Fat, Healthy, Husky, Fluffy, "Damn!", and "Oh, Hell no!".
The American Cancer Society revised its guidelines for prostate cancer screening on Wednesday. Wait, I didn't know prostate exams had guidelines.
Well, that's it for this afternoon! Please come back tomorrow for more monologue jokes!
Thursday, December 31, 2009
"A Crazy 2009"
Joke of the Day: It has been a crazy 2009. There were several crazy news stories like Tiger Woods, balloon boy, and Jon and Kate. There was also a major increase in the number of people who use Facebook and Twitter, and a huge boost in the number of people who text message. Considering all of these things, I think we can say that 2009 was "the year of WTF!".
LeBron James and Tiger Woods both celebrated birthdays yesterday. Tiger spent his birthday doing god knows what, and LeBron was mad at God because he just HAD to have the same birthday as Tiger.
Rush Limbaugh was taken to a hospital on Wednesday in Hawaii while he was vacationing there. He almost died of shock when he heard that President Obama was planning to do the same thing he was for once.
It's almost the new year! It's hard to understand how we got to 2010 so fast, and it will be especially hard to understand since Dick Clark is the one who will tell me that it's the new year.
Many people are saying that the 2000's was "the rise of the reality show". In a related story, those same people are calling 2009 "the fall of the reality show".
Charlie Sheen and wife Brooke Mueller reportedly want to reconcile, but it may cost Charlie at least $1 million. Hey, it could have been worse for Charlie. At least he didn't have to pay an extra million bucks to keep any mistresses quiet.
LeBron James and Tiger Woods both celebrated birthdays yesterday. Tiger spent his birthday doing god knows what, and LeBron was mad at God because he just HAD to have the same birthday as Tiger.
Rush Limbaugh was taken to a hospital on Wednesday in Hawaii while he was vacationing there. He almost died of shock when he heard that President Obama was planning to do the same thing he was for once.
It's almost the new year! It's hard to understand how we got to 2010 so fast, and it will be especially hard to understand since Dick Clark is the one who will tell me that it's the new year.
Many people are saying that the 2000's was "the rise of the reality show". In a related story, those same people are calling 2009 "the fall of the reality show".
Charlie Sheen and wife Brooke Mueller reportedly want to reconcile, but it may cost Charlie at least $1 million. Hey, it could have been worse for Charlie. At least he didn't have to pay an extra million bucks to keep any mistresses quiet.
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