Joke of the Day: People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals has offered to rebuild a lightning-struck 62-foot-tall Jesus statue in Ohio as long as it carries a message about vegetarianism. Isn't it weird how an advertisement on vegetarianism would be displayed on a man who fed fish to five thousand people?
The Society for Invertebrate Conservation wants the bumblebee in southern Oregon added to the endangered species list. For once, I'd be glad to see an animal on the endangered species list.
A poll says 62% of Americans say the country is headed in the wrong direction. The other 38% of Americans don't follow the news.
Health officials are advising against swimming in the water off Pensacola, Florida because of the Gulf oil spill. They also advised against putting a key in a light socket.
A report says the U.S. is dead last in health care, spending more while getting less. They got this idea from going to a major league baseball game.
A man who apparently passed out drunk on a pool float at a Tampa area beach ended up drifting about a mile into the Gulf of Mexico before being rescued by the Coast Guard. Ironically, the last people to hear about this story: BP.
Post office officials in Germany have reduced dog attacks on mailmen by using animal psychologists to help them think like dogs. Strangely enough, now all they do is bite themselves.
The Naked Cowboy, who performs in a cowboy hat and briefs on Times Square in New York, is suing a woman who calls herself the Naked Cowgirl and performs in a bikini. The judge has ruled that neither one of them are actually naked.
A South Carolina town is considering a law that would make it illegal to sing, yell, shout, whistle, hoot or holler on public streets if it is annoying nearby people. Or, as I call them, vuvuzelas.
That's all for today! More tomorrow!
Showing posts with label Gulf of Mexico. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Gulf of Mexico. Show all posts
Thursday, June 24, 2010
Wednesday, June 9, 2010
"Brake Wiring Problems"
Joke of the Day: Chrysler is recalling 600,000 minivans for brake wiring problems. Gosh, these pedal problems are less likely to stop than the cars themselves.
Former Hewlett-Packard CEO Meg Whitman spent $70 million of her own money running in California’s gubernatorial primary. Where did she get all that $70 million? Bonuses.
Actress Lindsay Lohan may have drunk alcohol at an after-party following her appearance at the MTV Movie Awards. Maybe her alcohol-detecting ankle bracelet didn't go off because it was fascinated by all the white powder on her feet.
A study found that the number of snakes in the world is plummeting. Apparently a bunch of snakes decided to take a trip to the Gulf of Mexico.
A study found that the number of snakes in the world is plummeting. Either that, or they all got jobs on Wall Street.
A Massachusetts school teacher who was preparing to move her classroom found a document dated “April 1792”. It was an essay handed in by John McCain.
Coast Guard Adm. Thad Allen says the oil spill containment operation in the Gulf of Mexico is now catching up to 630,000 gallons daily. The bad news: it's being contained in the Gulf of Mexico.
The Georgia Bureau of Investigation has released more than 50 audio and video recordings from its investigation of suspended Pittsburgh Steelers quarterback Ben Roethlisberger. Unfortunately for Roethlisberger, they are all phone calls and sex tapes.
A study says that one in five Americans is prone to fall asleep in meetings. The other four are playing games, texting, and watching porn during those meetings.
A study says that short people are more at risk for heart problems. Which expl - oh man, I think I'm gonna have a heart attack.
A study says that short people are more at risk for heart problems. In related news, Gary Coleman's coroner has altered the autopsy.
Chicago teachers are suing the school district saying their classes are too large with as many as 35 children in a room. The teachers are upset because now, it's too hard to determine who they want to have sex with.
President Obama has finally expressed his anger over the oil spill. He said he was going to find out "whose ass to kick". Considering all the bad things going on in Washington right now, he should have said, "whose ass not to kick"; it would have been a smaller list.
The price of US gold hit a record high on Euro zone credit fears. In a related story, I will now set my time machine to 1849.
A construction worker in China suffered only a broken leg after falling into a working concrete mixer. The worker hopes to be off crutches by the time he starts the first grade.
An Oregon man ran 102 miles barefoot to set a world record for the longest distance run while barefoot. When asked what he was going to buy with the prize money, the man said, "Shoes".
That's all for now! And good news for me: I finally have my second follower! Before, I had one follower: ME! More jokes coming tomorrow, and definitely better jokes tomorrow!
By the way, I hope I keep getting more followers!
Former Hewlett-Packard CEO Meg Whitman spent $70 million of her own money running in California’s gubernatorial primary. Where did she get all that $70 million? Bonuses.
Actress Lindsay Lohan may have drunk alcohol at an after-party following her appearance at the MTV Movie Awards. Maybe her alcohol-detecting ankle bracelet didn't go off because it was fascinated by all the white powder on her feet.
A study found that the number of snakes in the world is plummeting. Apparently a bunch of snakes decided to take a trip to the Gulf of Mexico.
A study found that the number of snakes in the world is plummeting. Either that, or they all got jobs on Wall Street.
A Massachusetts school teacher who was preparing to move her classroom found a document dated “April 1792”. It was an essay handed in by John McCain.
Coast Guard Adm. Thad Allen says the oil spill containment operation in the Gulf of Mexico is now catching up to 630,000 gallons daily. The bad news: it's being contained in the Gulf of Mexico.
The Georgia Bureau of Investigation has released more than 50 audio and video recordings from its investigation of suspended Pittsburgh Steelers quarterback Ben Roethlisberger. Unfortunately for Roethlisberger, they are all phone calls and sex tapes.
A study says that one in five Americans is prone to fall asleep in meetings. The other four are playing games, texting, and watching porn during those meetings.
A study says that short people are more at risk for heart problems. Which expl - oh man, I think I'm gonna have a heart attack.
A study says that short people are more at risk for heart problems. In related news, Gary Coleman's coroner has altered the autopsy.
Chicago teachers are suing the school district saying their classes are too large with as many as 35 children in a room. The teachers are upset because now, it's too hard to determine who they want to have sex with.
President Obama has finally expressed his anger over the oil spill. He said he was going to find out "whose ass to kick". Considering all the bad things going on in Washington right now, he should have said, "whose ass not to kick"; it would have been a smaller list.
The price of US gold hit a record high on Euro zone credit fears. In a related story, I will now set my time machine to 1849.
A construction worker in China suffered only a broken leg after falling into a working concrete mixer. The worker hopes to be off crutches by the time he starts the first grade.
An Oregon man ran 102 miles barefoot to set a world record for the longest distance run while barefoot. When asked what he was going to buy with the prize money, the man said, "Shoes".
That's all for now! And good news for me: I finally have my second follower! Before, I had one follower: ME! More jokes coming tomorrow, and definitely better jokes tomorrow!
By the way, I hope I keep getting more followers!
Monday, May 24, 2010
"The Youngest Climber Ever"
Joke of the Day: A government report says that one in eight public pools were shut down two years ago because of dirty water. In fact, they were so dirty that the pools considered relocating to the Gulf of Mexico.
Sarah Palin accused Pres. Obama of being in bed with the big oil companies. She also accused her daughter of being in bed with everybody.
A Massachusetts cleaning man was taken to the hospital after being sucked into a sausage-making machine. After the man was proven to be just fine, the hospital celebrated with a nice sausage barbecue.
A thirteen-year-old California boy became the youngest climber ever to reach the top of Mt. Everest. At least, that's what he told his parents.
Pres. Obama said that if LeBron James is looking for a new team, he would fit in well with Obama’s favorite Chicago Bulls. This is exactly like a bailout, but no money is involved.
A Virginia man has been sentenced to three months for disrupting an AirTran flight. The pilots were disappointed and called the man obnoxious, while the passengers called it, "The most pleasant AirTran flight in years".
The BP executive in charge of fighting the Gulf of Mexico oil spill said Monday his company knows people are frustrated by its failure to plug the well that has been gushing for more than a month. And yet, he hasn't done anything about it.
A judge on Monday ordered Lindsay Lohan to wear an alcohol-monitoring bracelet. How about a bracelet for all the other stuff she does?
A new study says that many girls are addicted to Facebook. The same study conducted that Tiger Woods was addicted to sex.
That's all for today! More tomorrow!
Sarah Palin accused Pres. Obama of being in bed with the big oil companies. She also accused her daughter of being in bed with everybody.
A Massachusetts cleaning man was taken to the hospital after being sucked into a sausage-making machine. After the man was proven to be just fine, the hospital celebrated with a nice sausage barbecue.
A thirteen-year-old California boy became the youngest climber ever to reach the top of Mt. Everest. At least, that's what he told his parents.
Pres. Obama said that if LeBron James is looking for a new team, he would fit in well with Obama’s favorite Chicago Bulls. This is exactly like a bailout, but no money is involved.
A Virginia man has been sentenced to three months for disrupting an AirTran flight. The pilots were disappointed and called the man obnoxious, while the passengers called it, "The most pleasant AirTran flight in years".
The BP executive in charge of fighting the Gulf of Mexico oil spill said Monday his company knows people are frustrated by its failure to plug the well that has been gushing for more than a month. And yet, he hasn't done anything about it.
A judge on Monday ordered Lindsay Lohan to wear an alcohol-monitoring bracelet. How about a bracelet for all the other stuff she does?
A new study says that many girls are addicted to Facebook. The same study conducted that Tiger Woods was addicted to sex.
That's all for today! More tomorrow!
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