Wednesday, June 9, 2010

"Brake Wiring Problems"

Joke of the Day: Chrysler is recalling 600,000 minivans for brake wiring problems. Gosh, these pedal problems are less likely to stop than the cars themselves.

Former Hewlett-Packard CEO Meg Whitman spent $70 million of her own money running in California’s gubernatorial primary. Where did she get all that $70 million? Bonuses.

Actress Lindsay Lohan may have drunk alcohol at an after-party following her appearance at the MTV Movie Awards. Maybe her alcohol-detecting ankle bracelet didn't go off because it was fascinated by all the white powder on her feet.

A study found that the number of snakes in the world is plummeting. Apparently a bunch of snakes decided to take a trip to the Gulf of Mexico.

A study found that the number of snakes in the world is plummeting. Either that, or they all got jobs on Wall Street.

A Massachusetts school teacher who was preparing to move her classroom found a document dated “April 1792”. It was an essay handed in by John McCain.

Coast Guard Adm. Thad Allen says the oil spill containment operation in the Gulf of Mexico is now catching up to 630,000 gallons daily. The bad news: it's being contained in the Gulf of Mexico.

The Georgia Bureau of Investigation has released more than 50 audio and video recordings from its investigation of suspended Pittsburgh Steelers quarterback Ben Roethlisberger. Unfortunately for Roethlisberger, they are all phone calls and sex tapes.

A study says that one in five Americans is prone to fall asleep in meetings. The other four are playing games, texting, and watching porn during those meetings.

A study says that short people are more at risk for heart problems. Which expl - oh man, I think I'm gonna have a heart attack.

A study says that short people are more at risk for heart problems. In related news, Gary Coleman's coroner has altered the autopsy.

Chicago teachers are suing the school district saying their classes are too large with as many as 35 children in a room. The teachers are upset because now, it's too hard to determine who they want to have sex with.

President Obama has finally expressed his anger over the oil spill. He said he was going to find out "whose ass to kick". Considering all the bad things going on in Washington right now, he should have said, "whose ass not to kick"; it would have been a smaller list.

The price of US gold hit a record high on Euro zone credit fears. In a related story, I will now set my time machine to 1849.

A construction worker in China suffered only a broken leg after falling into a working concrete mixer. The worker hopes to be off crutches by the time he starts the first grade.

An Oregon man ran 102 miles barefoot to set a world record for the longest distance run while barefoot. When asked what he was going to buy with the prize money, the man said, "Shoes".

That's all for now! And good news for me: I finally have my second follower! Before, I had one follower: ME! More jokes coming tomorrow, and definitely better jokes tomorrow!

By the way, I hope I keep getting more followers!

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