"Eat Pray Love"

Joke of the Day: The CEO of British Petroleum says "We will be here for a very long time." Little did most Americans know he was talking about the break room.

Congress took a 10-day break without funding summer youth programs, just as school is letting out for the summer. Or, as Congress calls it, "business as usual".

The federal government sent BP a bill for $69 million for costs they incurred in cleaning up the Gulf oil spill. Getting paid $69 million for something unsuccessful? BP could play for the New York Mets.

The new film “Eat Pray Love” has been given an MPAA rating of PG-13, a downgrade from the R it originally received. Eat Pray Love? That sounds like what Tiger Woods' memoir would be if he was fat.

Many people inside baseball are labeling umpire Jim Joyce’s botched final out call that cost a Detroit pitcher a perfect game “the worst call in the history of baseball”. Besides, of course, letting Jim Joyce umpire that game.

A Waffle House employee has survived without serious injury after three teens took off without paying and he clung to the hood of their car. Because if you can survive working at Waffle House, you can survive anything.

A new report shows one in five high school students have taken a prescription drug that they didn't get from a doctor. The other four can't afford to see a doctor.

Gary Coleman's parents are seeking custody of his remains. In fact, they have already picked out the water bottle that they will store them in.

The toxic metal cadmium was discovered in a McDonald’s drinking glass. One thing's for sure: it's less toxic than the McDonald's soft drinks themselves.

President Bush says that he would waterboard prisoners again. That's weird. Usually prisoners are ridden by other prisoners.

An online jobs index is at the highest level since 2008. That is, the highest level of people looking for a job.

A study says the most popular day to watch Internet porn is Sunday. Which is strange, because aren't people supposed to go to church and be holy on Sundays?

A study says that American teenagers are drinking less soda, but still not exercising. The study is called, "Being too lazy to go to the fridge".

A study shows that to get rid of fat, people should avoid eating before working out. Well, I like to call that, "Less calories to burn".

That's all for today! More tomorrow!