"Contraband French Fries"

Joke of the Day: A PETA activist dressed up in a chicken suit and asked people to boycott fast food restaurant KFC. However, if you take a guy from PETA wearing a chicken suit seriously, you may have some problems.

It has been reported that Amy Winehouse has been taking acting lessons and wants to be an actress. She can't sing, she has been to rehab, and she focuses way too much on her looks. She's already worthy of being an actress.

Researchers say that 97.5% of all Scots are either smokers, heavy drinkers, physically inactive, overweight or on a bad diet. In other words, 97.5% of Scots live in America.

Researchers say a 13th Century Italian Saint likely died from a heart defect. Let me be the first to say, "So what?".

The Democratic Senate Candidate from South Carolina, Alvin Greene has only $114 in his bank account. He's already making our economy jealous.

Red Sox outfielder Daniel Nava has hit the first pitch he saw in the big leagues for a grand slam. The pitcher has been put under suicide watch.

Minnesota wildlife managers are asking drivers to brake for turtles. And nine years later after they finish crossing the street, people can resume driving again.

The United States training session ahead of Saturday's World Cup Group C opener with England was briefly delayed after an elephant blocked the route of the team bus. To be fair, Kirstie Alley just wanted some autographs.

Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez is offering parents a cure for children who don't want to go to sleep - having them watch his televised speeches. The parents want their children to sleep, not kill themselves.

Swiss customs officers seized one ton of contraband french fries near the French border on Thursday, authorities said. The customs officers called them toxic, while al-Qaeda called them, "The new way for us to defeat the Americans".

That's all for today! More tomorrow!