Ted Nugent said the Obama administration "wipes its ass with the Constitution". I hope Ted Nugent does the same with the barrel of one of his guns.
Defense Secretary Leon Panetta says that the U.S. is “within an inch” of war every day with North Korea. Or, approximately twice the size of the average Korean man's penis.
Miley Cyrus’ new movie “LOL” is being released in only seven theaters. But to be fair, Miley Cyrus in a movie called "LOL" is like me in a movie called "The Ultimate Ladies Man With Great Jokes And A Sexy Body".
A study says that watching porn shuts down a part of the brain. It's the part that tells you to delete your Internet history.
A bill in Arizona still allows people to offend or annoy others on the Internet. It's a bill named after me.
A substitute teacher in New Jersey has been suspended after telling a seven-year-old girl that she was "too sexy" to take gym. But that's what happens when you get your substitute teachers from Craigslist.
A new study says that your personality could be reflected by what type of dog you own. Which explains why my dog isn't funny and weighs twice as much as it should.
An unauthorized biography contains Simon Cowell's personal secrets. One I found shocking: his t-shirts are actually painted on him.
The "Pregnant Man", Thomas Beatie, has reportedly split from his wife. And in another gender twist, he took half of her shit.
Philip Humber of the Chicago White Sox pitched a perfect game against the Mariners. When he does it against a pro team, I'll be impressed.
That's all I have for today! More coming soon!
Showing posts with label Simon Cowell. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Simon Cowell. Show all posts
Saturday, April 21, 2012
Saturday, January 7, 2012
"Driving With A Cold"
Mitt Romney compared President Obama's promises to Kim Kardashian's wedding vows. I agree. They involved a black guy that nobody likes anymore.
Vint Cerf, who is considered by many to be the Father of the Internet says web access isn’t a human right. If he said this five years ago, we would have never heard of Justin Bieber.
Clay Aiken says after working with both, he respects Donald Trump more than Simon Cowell. Seriously? I respect Donald Duck more than I respect Simon Cowell.
A study says that men and women have large differences in their personalities, with men being more dominant and women being more sensitive. This study was conducted by scientists reading previous studies.
Jenny McCarthy says that “Dancing With The Stars” needs some A-List celebrities. And if anybody knows what an A-list celebrity is, it's Jenny McCarthy.
Tiger Woods’ ex-wife Elin Nordegren demolished a $12 Million mansion in Florida in order to rebuild on the property. Then someone told her that the mansion was not Tiger's car.
A study says that driving with a cold or the flu is as dangerous as being drunk. Especially when you have to look through the snot on your phone to send a text message.
A “matured” Snooki says she has cut back on her drinking. Like I need to just "cut back" on my eating.
That's all I have for today! More coming soon!
Vint Cerf, who is considered by many to be the Father of the Internet says web access isn’t a human right. If he said this five years ago, we would have never heard of Justin Bieber.
Clay Aiken says after working with both, he respects Donald Trump more than Simon Cowell. Seriously? I respect Donald Duck more than I respect Simon Cowell.
A study says that men and women have large differences in their personalities, with men being more dominant and women being more sensitive. This study was conducted by scientists reading previous studies.
Jenny McCarthy says that “Dancing With The Stars” needs some A-List celebrities. And if anybody knows what an A-list celebrity is, it's Jenny McCarthy.
Tiger Woods’ ex-wife Elin Nordegren demolished a $12 Million mansion in Florida in order to rebuild on the property. Then someone told her that the mansion was not Tiger's car.
A study says that driving with a cold or the flu is as dangerous as being drunk. Especially when you have to look through the snot on your phone to send a text message.
A “matured” Snooki says she has cut back on her drinking. Like I need to just "cut back" on my eating.
That's all I have for today! More coming soon!
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
"The Kama Sutra"
Jennifer Aniston says “The Rachel” was the “ugliest haircut she’s ever seen”. Has she seen what I look like?
A computer virus is being spread through a downloaded PowerPoint presentation on the Kama Sutra. The virus is called "Karma Sutra".
New Alabama Governor Robert Bentley says that people who are not Christians are not his "family". And we all know what happens when someone in Alabama is considered family.
A new study says that ESP is real. Called it!
A pair of twins on The Biggest Loser gained a combined 18 pounds in the past week. Now, the term "Loser" takes on a whole new meaning.
Regis Philbin is reportedly retiring. Hey Regis, is that your final answer?
Secretary of State Hillary Clinton says that the U.S. wants "win-win" relations with China. And believe me, if anybody knows how to keep a good relationship, it's Hillary Clinton.
A new survey says that three in ten Americans commit financial infidelity, where people lie to their spouses about how their money is spent. The other seven don't have any money to begin with.
Former “American Idol” finalist Adam Lambert says he is now homeless in California. At least he's more successful than "American Idol".
A study says that sports fans are surprisingly sober when leaving pro games. Have they been to Wrigley Field?
A study says that college students are not really learning that much. Unless you count learning sexual positions.
A study says that sleeping with a pet may be dangerous. Especially when you fall asleep in a Michael Vick jersey.
Simon Cowell reportedly turned down $130 Million to stay on at “American Idol”. When he heard the offer, he told FOX, "What the bloody hell was that?".
That's all I have for today! More tomorrow!
A computer virus is being spread through a downloaded PowerPoint presentation on the Kama Sutra. The virus is called "Karma Sutra".
New Alabama Governor Robert Bentley says that people who are not Christians are not his "family". And we all know what happens when someone in Alabama is considered family.
A new study says that ESP is real. Called it!
A pair of twins on The Biggest Loser gained a combined 18 pounds in the past week. Now, the term "Loser" takes on a whole new meaning.
Regis Philbin is reportedly retiring. Hey Regis, is that your final answer?
Secretary of State Hillary Clinton says that the U.S. wants "win-win" relations with China. And believe me, if anybody knows how to keep a good relationship, it's Hillary Clinton.
A new survey says that three in ten Americans commit financial infidelity, where people lie to their spouses about how their money is spent. The other seven don't have any money to begin with.
Former “American Idol” finalist Adam Lambert says he is now homeless in California. At least he's more successful than "American Idol".
A study says that sports fans are surprisingly sober when leaving pro games. Have they been to Wrigley Field?
A study says that college students are not really learning that much. Unless you count learning sexual positions.
A study says that sleeping with a pet may be dangerous. Especially when you fall asleep in a Michael Vick jersey.
Simon Cowell reportedly turned down $130 Million to stay on at “American Idol”. When he heard the offer, he told FOX, "What the bloody hell was that?".
That's all I have for today! More tomorrow!
Monday, August 30, 2010
"Closer To Stalling"
Joke of the Day: A massacre caused by a mushroom hunter in Italy has caused 18 deaths. Or, as we call that in America, "Super Mario Brothers".
Justin Bieber postponed his performance Sunday at the New York State Fair. Let me be the first to say, "Thank God!".
Twenty two Komodo dragons hatched from eggs at the Los Angeles Zoo. I don't know what makes them scarier: the fact that they are dragons or the fact that they came from eggs.
More than 500 National Guard troops are being deployed to Arizona to help with border security. Apparently our government has never heard the common saying, "If it ain't broke, don't fix it".
The government says the economy is getting closer to stalling. If the economy stalls any longer, it could be mistaken for President Obama.
A California man was sentenced to 16 years in prison for killing an acquaintance who complained about his singing. In related news, Simon Cowell has gone into hiding.
Jay Leno raised $100,000 to go towards Gulf Coast recovery from the oil spill. Apparently he has too many jokes in his routine, so he's eliminating some of them.
John Lennon's toilet was sold at an auction for $14,700. Unfortunately, Elvis Presley's toilet didn't sell for quite as much; mainly because it was haunted.
Dennis Rodman claims to have had sex with 2,000 women, and said he was not impressed with the way their parents raised them. If anything, I'm not too thrilled about how Dennis Rodman's parents raised him.
Nike has patented a self lacing shoe. Five-year-olds are calling it, "The greatest invention ever".
A new study says that heavy drinkers live longer than non-drinkers. Unless they get behind the wheel of a car.
A new study says that heavy drinkers live longer than non-drinkers. This is great news if you are Lindsay Lohan.
That's all for now! More later!
Justin Bieber postponed his performance Sunday at the New York State Fair. Let me be the first to say, "Thank God!".
Twenty two Komodo dragons hatched from eggs at the Los Angeles Zoo. I don't know what makes them scarier: the fact that they are dragons or the fact that they came from eggs.
More than 500 National Guard troops are being deployed to Arizona to help with border security. Apparently our government has never heard the common saying, "If it ain't broke, don't fix it".
The government says the economy is getting closer to stalling. If the economy stalls any longer, it could be mistaken for President Obama.
A California man was sentenced to 16 years in prison for killing an acquaintance who complained about his singing. In related news, Simon Cowell has gone into hiding.
Jay Leno raised $100,000 to go towards Gulf Coast recovery from the oil spill. Apparently he has too many jokes in his routine, so he's eliminating some of them.
John Lennon's toilet was sold at an auction for $14,700. Unfortunately, Elvis Presley's toilet didn't sell for quite as much; mainly because it was haunted.
Dennis Rodman claims to have had sex with 2,000 women, and said he was not impressed with the way their parents raised them. If anything, I'm not too thrilled about how Dennis Rodman's parents raised him.
Nike has patented a self lacing shoe. Five-year-olds are calling it, "The greatest invention ever".
A new study says that heavy drinkers live longer than non-drinkers. Unless they get behind the wheel of a car.
A new study says that heavy drinkers live longer than non-drinkers. This is great news if you are Lindsay Lohan.
That's all for now! More later!
Sunday, June 6, 2010
"A Temporary Hotel"
Joke of the Day: A report says that Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt are nearly broke and living on credit. They are so broke they can't even afford to make idiots of themselves anymore.
An Australian restaurateur fed up with the waste left by diners has ordered her customers to eat everything on their plates or pay a penalty and be banned from her eatery. To which Kirstie Alley said, "Fine by me".
Anamika Veeramani, 14, of North Royalton, Ohio, won the 2010 National Spelling Bee in Washington on Friday. She said after mastering the spelling of her own name, the rest was a piece of cake.
European Ryder Cup captain Colin Montgomerie has just apologized to his wife for having an affair with his ex-lover. Or, as Tiger Woods likes to call it, "Amateur".
A study says that people with a low IQ are at a higher risk of committing suicide. To which people with low IQ said, "What's suicide?".
A study says that people with a low IQ are at a higher risk of committing suicide. Someone needs to write George Bush's last will before it's too late.
The USDA is getting more picky over what qualifies olive oil to be labeled “extra virgin”. Here's what qualifies something to be labeled "extra virgin": Too many video games, pimples, and empty bags of Doritos on the floor.
“American Idol” winner Lee DeWyze will sing the National Anthem at Game 2 of the NBA Finals. He will then give a $10,000 grand prize to the first person who can spell his last name correctly.
A lawyer says Gary Coleman has a will that dates back to 1999. Which, strangely enough, was the last time he wasn't bankrupt.
Environmental campaigners in Rome have built a temporary hotel out of rubbish to raise awareness about pollution. Or, as Simon Cowell calls it, "A really bad American Idol audition".
Wal-Mart says it is planning a global expansion over the next five years in which it will hire 500,000 new workers. To which the rest of the world said, "That's OK, keep your lead to yourselves".
The North Korean soccer team has arrived in South Africa for the World Cup with no fans accompanying them. Nobody can go with their soccer team to South Africa because of someone we call "Kim Jong-Il".
Four day school weeks are becoming a popular idea across the nation as a way to save money. Especially now that most students are on summer break.
Reporter Laura Ling, who was freed from captivity in north Korea with the help of Bill Clinton has named her new baby after him. Even worse, the baby is a girl.
Reporter Laura Ling, who was freed from captivity in north Korea with the help of Bill Clinton has named her new baby after him. The baby, whose name is Bill Ling, weighed 6 lbs. 10 oz., while her hospital Bill Ling was through the roof.
That's all for today! More coming tomorrow!
An Australian restaurateur fed up with the waste left by diners has ordered her customers to eat everything on their plates or pay a penalty and be banned from her eatery. To which Kirstie Alley said, "Fine by me".
Anamika Veeramani, 14, of North Royalton, Ohio, won the 2010 National Spelling Bee in Washington on Friday. She said after mastering the spelling of her own name, the rest was a piece of cake.
European Ryder Cup captain Colin Montgomerie has just apologized to his wife for having an affair with his ex-lover. Or, as Tiger Woods likes to call it, "Amateur".
A study says that people with a low IQ are at a higher risk of committing suicide. To which people with low IQ said, "What's suicide?".
A study says that people with a low IQ are at a higher risk of committing suicide. Someone needs to write George Bush's last will before it's too late.
The USDA is getting more picky over what qualifies olive oil to be labeled “extra virgin”. Here's what qualifies something to be labeled "extra virgin": Too many video games, pimples, and empty bags of Doritos on the floor.
“American Idol” winner Lee DeWyze will sing the National Anthem at Game 2 of the NBA Finals. He will then give a $10,000 grand prize to the first person who can spell his last name correctly.
A lawyer says Gary Coleman has a will that dates back to 1999. Which, strangely enough, was the last time he wasn't bankrupt.
Environmental campaigners in Rome have built a temporary hotel out of rubbish to raise awareness about pollution. Or, as Simon Cowell calls it, "A really bad American Idol audition".
Wal-Mart says it is planning a global expansion over the next five years in which it will hire 500,000 new workers. To which the rest of the world said, "That's OK, keep your lead to yourselves".
The North Korean soccer team has arrived in South Africa for the World Cup with no fans accompanying them. Nobody can go with their soccer team to South Africa because of someone we call "Kim Jong-Il".
Four day school weeks are becoming a popular idea across the nation as a way to save money. Especially now that most students are on summer break.
Reporter Laura Ling, who was freed from captivity in north Korea with the help of Bill Clinton has named her new baby after him. Even worse, the baby is a girl.
Reporter Laura Ling, who was freed from captivity in north Korea with the help of Bill Clinton has named her new baby after him. The baby, whose name is Bill Ling, weighed 6 lbs. 10 oz., while her hospital Bill Ling was through the roof.
That's all for today! More coming tomorrow!
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
"Unwanted Scrap"
Joke of the Day: A pitbull has reportedly taken Viagra to help him stay alive. If the pitbull takes Viagra and stays alive for more than four hours, he must call his doctor.
Tiger Woods has reportedly entered the British Open. Seriously though, what hasn't he entered?
Michelle Obama joined Partnership for a Healthier America in announcing an important first step towards solving childhood obesity within a generation by reducing 1.5 trillion product calories by the end of 2015. Or, as Kirstie Alley calls it, lunch.
Warren Buffett will auction off another lunch to raise money for charity. The winner will win lunch with Warren at the restaurant that he owns: The All-You-Can-Eat Buffett.
GM says it has a “good chance” of making a profit in 2010. That's like the Oakland Raiders saying they have a "good chance" of making the playoffs next year.
Oil prices are down 20% since early May. This came about because people realized they can get oil at the ocean for free.
Fox will shrink “American Idol” next year to a half hour show. It's nice to know that something on "American Idol" is shrinking besides Simon Cowell's T-Shirts.
BP says that it may try to plug the oil leak in the Gulf of Mexico with unwanted scrap. Finally, my monologue scripts are coming to good use!
A 23-year-old man is accused of falsifying his resume to dupe Harvard out of thousands of dollars in financial aid and scholarships. Here's what I think: If you are smart enough to fool Harvard, you are probably smart enough to enroll there.
That's all I have for right now! More later!
Tiger Woods has reportedly entered the British Open. Seriously though, what hasn't he entered?
Michelle Obama joined Partnership for a Healthier America in announcing an important first step towards solving childhood obesity within a generation by reducing 1.5 trillion product calories by the end of 2015. Or, as Kirstie Alley calls it, lunch.
Warren Buffett will auction off another lunch to raise money for charity. The winner will win lunch with Warren at the restaurant that he owns: The All-You-Can-Eat Buffett.
GM says it has a “good chance” of making a profit in 2010. That's like the Oakland Raiders saying they have a "good chance" of making the playoffs next year.
Oil prices are down 20% since early May. This came about because people realized they can get oil at the ocean for free.
Fox will shrink “American Idol” next year to a half hour show. It's nice to know that something on "American Idol" is shrinking besides Simon Cowell's T-Shirts.
BP says that it may try to plug the oil leak in the Gulf of Mexico with unwanted scrap. Finally, my monologue scripts are coming to good use!
A 23-year-old man is accused of falsifying his resume to dupe Harvard out of thousands of dollars in financial aid and scholarships. Here's what I think: If you are smart enough to fool Harvard, you are probably smart enough to enroll there.
That's all I have for right now! More later!
Sunday, March 14, 2010
"33,000 Empty Homes"
A late-night confession by Utah's House majority leader about sitting nude in a hot tub with a minor 25 years ago has shocked this conservative state's political establishment. A man in Utah did that with only one person?
Men are more likely than women to be interested in sex, have sex and enjoy sex, according to new scientific research. Wait, this research is new?
Simon Cowell’s engagement apparently came as a surprise to many of his associates. Especially Ryan Seacrest, who was seriously heartbroken.
Orange County, California has filed a lawsuit against Toyota for making unsafe vehicles. So has the entire world.
Detroit has 33,000 empty homes inside the city limits. This is due in large part to a migration known as "Operation What Are We Doing In Detroit".
A study shows why some people are able to quickly get over fighting with a spouse. It's called a divorce.
House Speaker Nancy Pelosi said Saturday she's confident the House will pass health care legislation. She hasn't stopped smiling because of her confidence. And because she's Nancy Pelosi.
According to a study, a student who sees the letter “A” before an exam will do better on a test. In other words, if a student sees the letter A before a test, odds are they are going to see the letter A when they get it back.
Larry King is really starting to get into Twitter. He wonders why something like this wasn't around when he was a child. Of course, it would have helped if paper was invented back then.
A study says that the risk of heart attacks goes up if the stock market goes down. This study is being referred to as "The End of the Human Race".
A study says that the risk of heart attacks goes up if the stock market goes down. The only people who are unaffected by this statistic are people that work on Wall Street. None of those people even have a heart.
Howard Stern is under heavy criticism for his fat jokes about Gabourey Sidibe. Of course, Howard Stern referred to the criticism as "Gabourey Sidibe Criticism".
A man in Korea recently married his pillow. When asked why, the man said, "I may as well. I mean, I have slept with her every night."
Jets coach Rex Ryan underwent a weight-loss procedure Saturday to help him fight obesity. So I guess the Jets aren't the only "Biggest Losers".
That's it for today, everyone! I hope to have more jokes soon!
Men are more likely than women to be interested in sex, have sex and enjoy sex, according to new scientific research. Wait, this research is new?
Simon Cowell’s engagement apparently came as a surprise to many of his associates. Especially Ryan Seacrest, who was seriously heartbroken.
Orange County, California has filed a lawsuit against Toyota for making unsafe vehicles. So has the entire world.
Detroit has 33,000 empty homes inside the city limits. This is due in large part to a migration known as "Operation What Are We Doing In Detroit".
A study shows why some people are able to quickly get over fighting with a spouse. It's called a divorce.
House Speaker Nancy Pelosi said Saturday she's confident the House will pass health care legislation. She hasn't stopped smiling because of her confidence. And because she's Nancy Pelosi.
According to a study, a student who sees the letter “A” before an exam will do better on a test. In other words, if a student sees the letter A before a test, odds are they are going to see the letter A when they get it back.
Larry King is really starting to get into Twitter. He wonders why something like this wasn't around when he was a child. Of course, it would have helped if paper was invented back then.
A study says that the risk of heart attacks goes up if the stock market goes down. This study is being referred to as "The End of the Human Race".
A study says that the risk of heart attacks goes up if the stock market goes down. The only people who are unaffected by this statistic are people that work on Wall Street. None of those people even have a heart.
Howard Stern is under heavy criticism for his fat jokes about Gabourey Sidibe. Of course, Howard Stern referred to the criticism as "Gabourey Sidibe Criticism".
A man in Korea recently married his pillow. When asked why, the man said, "I may as well. I mean, I have slept with her every night."
Jets coach Rex Ryan underwent a weight-loss procedure Saturday to help him fight obesity. So I guess the Jets aren't the only "Biggest Losers".
That's it for today, everyone! I hope to have more jokes soon!
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
"Meaner Than She Thought"
Research shows that colors described by people as to how they feel can indicate if they are happy or depressed. We know that, it's called the "Mood Ring".
A record 106.5 Million Americans watched the Super Bowl, making it the most viewed TV program ever. It surpassed the series finale of M*A*S*H, which ironically, was what the New Orleans defense did to Peyton Manning.
A record 106.5 Million Americans watched the Super Bowl, making it the most viewed TV program ever. The sad part: There was a bigger interest in the commercials than the actual game.
Even women watched the Super Bowl. They became especially interested once they saw Oprah.
Nancy Kerrigan's family is disputing the autopsy report on their father's death after a fight. Nancy claimed that she was aiming for Tonya Harding.
A majority of the top-grossing films in recent years have featured food and beverage product placements -- with junk food and fast-food restaurants grabbing most of the starring roles, a new study finds. In a related story, President Obama plans to dispute this study with an executive order called "Operation Twilight".
Ellen DeGeneres, the newest judge on "American Idol," says Simon Cowell is "meaner" than she thought. And she wasn't even at the auditions.
Speedy outfielder Willy Taveras has been released by the Oakland Athletics. Can you find ANY statement to be more ironic?
San Antonio Spurs guard George Hill is apologizing for nude pictures of himself that were recently posted online. At least it wasn't Grant Hill.
A North Carolina court has temporarily stopped the security rules that a judge issued for the retrieval of the John Edwards sex tape. That's because when it comes to John Edwards, there are no rules.
That's it for now! Congrats to Drew Brees and the Saints on their Super Bowl victory!
A record 106.5 Million Americans watched the Super Bowl, making it the most viewed TV program ever. It surpassed the series finale of M*A*S*H, which ironically, was what the New Orleans defense did to Peyton Manning.
A record 106.5 Million Americans watched the Super Bowl, making it the most viewed TV program ever. The sad part: There was a bigger interest in the commercials than the actual game.
Even women watched the Super Bowl. They became especially interested once they saw Oprah.
Nancy Kerrigan's family is disputing the autopsy report on their father's death after a fight. Nancy claimed that she was aiming for Tonya Harding.
A majority of the top-grossing films in recent years have featured food and beverage product placements -- with junk food and fast-food restaurants grabbing most of the starring roles, a new study finds. In a related story, President Obama plans to dispute this study with an executive order called "Operation Twilight".
Ellen DeGeneres, the newest judge on "American Idol," says Simon Cowell is "meaner" than she thought. And she wasn't even at the auditions.
Speedy outfielder Willy Taveras has been released by the Oakland Athletics. Can you find ANY statement to be more ironic?
San Antonio Spurs guard George Hill is apologizing for nude pictures of himself that were recently posted online. At least it wasn't Grant Hill.
A North Carolina court has temporarily stopped the security rules that a judge issued for the retrieval of the John Edwards sex tape. That's because when it comes to John Edwards, there are no rules.
That's it for now! Congrats to Drew Brees and the Saints on their Super Bowl victory!
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
"An Outdoor Worship Area"
Hello everybody! These are my jokes for today!
The Super Bowl is this Sunday. Super Bowl Sunday is the one day every year where people around the country say, "Shut up, the commercials are on".
An experimental abstinence-only program without a moralistic tone can delay teens from having sex, a provocative study found. It was a sex tape of John Edwards and his mistress.
The Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation will donate $10 billion over the next decade to research new vaccines and bring them to the world's poorest countries. Yes, the world's poorest countries that don't really mind a vaccine that crashes.
Punxsutawney Phil saw his shadow this morning, meaning that there will be six more weeks of winter. Phil will spend those six weeks trying to spell Punxsutawney.
Punxsutawney Phil saw his shadow this morning. Most Americans know that means six weeks of winter, but Jessica Simpson thought that meant he forgot to shave.
An Oklahoma restaurant is giving discounts to people who are bald. This means that these people are more likely to find pieces of hair in their food.
The Air Force Academy has set aside an outdoor worship area for Pagans, Wiccans, Druids and other Earth-centered believers, school officials said Monday. The worshipers have asked that the area be moved to the woods.
Shocking news out of the military today, where the gays have asked that "Don't ask, don't tell" be changed to "Don't ask, but let's talk it out".
A study says that heart disease will kill 400,000 Americans this year. The people who don't fall under the 400,000 don't work at a fast food restaurant.
A new web site allows people to find out what others really think of them. The website: www.simoncowellevaluatesyou.com
CBS has rejected a Super Bowl ad from EA Video Games that tells people to "Go to hell". The commercial would have told you to go to hell, and right after that, the Saints come back on.
Well, that's it everybody! Thanks for reading and I hope you all enjoyed it!
The Super Bowl is this Sunday. Super Bowl Sunday is the one day every year where people around the country say, "Shut up, the commercials are on".
An experimental abstinence-only program without a moralistic tone can delay teens from having sex, a provocative study found. It was a sex tape of John Edwards and his mistress.
The Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation will donate $10 billion over the next decade to research new vaccines and bring them to the world's poorest countries. Yes, the world's poorest countries that don't really mind a vaccine that crashes.
Punxsutawney Phil saw his shadow this morning, meaning that there will be six more weeks of winter. Phil will spend those six weeks trying to spell Punxsutawney.
Punxsutawney Phil saw his shadow this morning. Most Americans know that means six weeks of winter, but Jessica Simpson thought that meant he forgot to shave.
An Oklahoma restaurant is giving discounts to people who are bald. This means that these people are more likely to find pieces of hair in their food.
The Air Force Academy has set aside an outdoor worship area for Pagans, Wiccans, Druids and other Earth-centered believers, school officials said Monday. The worshipers have asked that the area be moved to the woods.
Shocking news out of the military today, where the gays have asked that "Don't ask, don't tell" be changed to "Don't ask, but let's talk it out".
A study says that heart disease will kill 400,000 Americans this year. The people who don't fall under the 400,000 don't work at a fast food restaurant.
A new web site allows people to find out what others really think of them. The website: www.simoncowellevaluatesyou.com
CBS has rejected a Super Bowl ad from EA Video Games that tells people to "Go to hell". The commercial would have told you to go to hell, and right after that, the Saints come back on.
Well, that's it everybody! Thanks for reading and I hope you all enjoyed it!
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