Tuesday, May 18, 2010

"Unwanted Scrap"

Joke of the Day: A pitbull has reportedly taken Viagra to help him stay alive. If the pitbull takes Viagra and stays alive for more than four hours, he must call his doctor.

Tiger Woods has reportedly entered the British Open. Seriously though, what hasn't he entered?

Michelle Obama joined Partnership for a Healthier America in announcing an important first step towards solving childhood obesity within a generation by reducing 1.5 trillion product calories by the end of 2015. Or, as Kirstie Alley calls it, lunch.

Warren Buffett will auction off another lunch to raise money for charity. The winner will win lunch with Warren at the restaurant that he owns: The All-You-Can-Eat Buffett.

GM says it has a “good chance” of making a profit in 2010. That's like the Oakland Raiders saying they have a "good chance" of making the playoffs next year.

Oil prices are down 20% since early May. This came about because people realized they can get oil at the ocean for free.

Fox will shrink “American Idol” next year to a half hour show. It's nice to know that something on "American Idol" is shrinking besides Simon Cowell's T-Shirts.

BP says that it may try to plug the oil leak in the Gulf of Mexico with unwanted scrap. Finally, my monologue scripts are coming to good use!

A 23-year-old man is accused of falsifying his resume to dupe Harvard out of thousands of dollars in financial aid and scholarships. Here's what I think: If you are smart enough to fool Harvard, you are probably smart enough to enroll there.

That's all I have for right now! More later!

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