"Denied Eating Baby Food"

Joke of the Day: Sarah Palin spoke at the National Rifle Association's annual meeting in North Carolina. The NRA members were confused when Palin repeatedly told them that she would continue to fight for their First Amendment rights.

Scientists in China say they have found a new use for discarded cigarette butts. Here in America, we use them to decorate our roads and sidewalks.

Chemical extracts from cigarette butts can be used to protect steel pipes from rusting, a study in China has found. To which BP said, "We'll take it".

The big news out of Hollywood is that Jennifer Aniston denied eating baby food. In other news, Mary Kate Olsen has denied eating anything.

Researchers in the journal Science say that the earliest birds were very poor flyers and in fact were probably only gliders. You know, like the first ever airplanes.

Researchers in the journal Science say that the earliest birds were very poor flyers and in fact were probably only gliders. They could still poop on us with incredible accuracy.

Forty-one people were arrested after the Montreal Canadiens defeated the Pittsburgh Penguins in game 7 of their series. They were all sentenced to five minutes in the penalty box.

Chicago White Sox manager Ozzie Guillen says he will not participate in the next year’s All-Star game if it is held in Phoenix. You know who else said this? Phoenix.

May 14 is the date that Gabriel Daniel Fahrenheit, the German physicist, was born in 1686. To which President Bush said, "What is this Fahrenheit guy known for?".

Former US president Bill Clinton is raffling off a day with himself in New York to help his wife Hillary pay off a still hefty debt from her 2008 White House bid. No male bidders have been allowed.

A hotel in Dubai has just installed a machine that dispenses pure gold. Or, as Lil' Wayne calls them, "New dentures".

President Obama was at a Buffalo Wild Wings in Buffalo, and the cashier called him "a hottie with a smokin' hot body". When President Obama handed her a $20 bill, the cashier said, "Here's your change. Now may I please have mine?"

More foreign companies are outsourcing work to the U.S. This is the clearest example ever of "now you know how it feels".

A study says that women who marry younger men may die earlier. This means that all of Larry King's wives and ex-wives will be around for a while.

A survey says that Toyota owners’ loyalty is down over the past few months. Well you would think so!

That's all I have for right now. More later!