Friday, May 28, 2010

"Cures For Jet Lag"

Joke of the Day: A researcher has infected himself with a computer virus. The first sign of this: every six seconds, the researcher thinks he's won a free XBOX360.

May 28 is South Carolina Gov. Mark Sanford’s 50th birthday. He celebrated with a trip to the Appalachian Mountains, and then another trip to Argentina.

At his press conference, President Obama related a story where his daughter Malia asked him one morning, “Did you plug the hole yet, Daddy?”. To which President Obama said, "No, Malia, you have it all wrong. I said plug the damn hole, not just the hole."

At his press conference, President Obama related a story where his daughter Malia asked him one morning, “Did you plug the hole yet, Daddy?”. To which President Obama said, "Well, not yet Malia, I have time. Biden doesn't have to give a speech until next week".

A new fad with young people in England has them pouring vodka directly into their eyes. Apparently a lot of young people in England prefer torture in their spare time.

Willie Nelson has cut his waist long braids off in favor of a shorter hair style. This marks the first time in history that Willie Nelson's bong has been longer than his hair.

Researchers say that cures for jet lag include coffee and sunlight. This is also known as "not flying Southwest".

President Obama’s border plan is said to be similar to that of President Bush’s. Let me be the first to say, "Oh God!".

A Chinese factory is asking for employees to sign a “no suicide” vow after twelve people have thrown themselves off buildings. This plan is expected to backfire. Six-year-olds probably don't know what the word "Suicide" is.

A study says that heavier girls are more likely to have early unprotected sex. That's because the heavy girls are too fat and lazy to get a condom.

A two year old Sumatran child smokes two packs of cigarettes a day. The child will most likely reunite with their British twin on "The Parent Trap".

That's all for now, my faithful reader! More coming up tomorrow!

1 comment: