"Dead Last In Health Care"

Joke of the Day: People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals has offered to rebuild a lightning-struck 62-foot-tall Jesus statue in Ohio as long as it carries a message about vegetarianism. Isn't it weird how an advertisement on vegetarianism would be displayed on a man who fed fish to five thousand people?

The Society for Invertebrate Conservation wants the bumblebee in southern Oregon added to the endangered species list. For once, I'd be glad to see an animal on the endangered species list.

A poll says 62% of Americans say the country is headed in the wrong direction. The other 38% of Americans don't follow the news.

Health officials are advising against swimming in the water off Pensacola, Florida because of the Gulf oil spill. They also advised against putting a key in a light socket.

A report says the U.S. is dead last in health care, spending more while getting less. They got this idea from going to a major league baseball game.

A man who apparently passed out drunk on a pool float at a Tampa area beach ended up drifting about a mile into the Gulf of Mexico before being rescued by the Coast Guard. Ironically, the last people to hear about this story: BP.

Post office officials in Germany have reduced dog attacks on mailmen by using animal psychologists to help them think like dogs. Strangely enough, now all they do is bite themselves.

The Naked Cowboy, who performs in a cowboy hat and briefs on Times Square in New York, is suing a woman who calls herself the Naked Cowgirl and performs in a bikini. The judge has ruled that neither one of them are actually naked.

A South Carolina town is considering a law that would make it illegal to sing, yell, shout, whistle, hoot or holler on public streets if it is annoying nearby people. Or, as I call them, vuvuzelas.

That's all for today! More tomorrow!