"Colorado Rockies Tickets"

Frances Bean Cobain, daughter of the late Kurt Cobain, says that her mother, Courtney Love, should be banned from Twitter. Screw that. Courtney Love should be banned from Walgreens.

Kate Winslet says that Leonardo DiCaprio has gotten fatter since Titanic. Well if I had to look at her disgusting face, I'd need some comfort food, too.

President Obama wants a "rigorous" Secret Service probe after the sex scandal in Columbia. Seriously? There's been enough probing going on there...

A 14-year old kid, who is set to graduate from UCLA very soon, insists he's not a genius. Yeah, and I'm not THAT bad at picking up women.

Ashley Judd is upset about the media's comments regarding her puffy appearance. She called the comments "nasty", "mysogynistic", and "100% right".

Kenyans won both the men and women’s divisions of the Boston Marathon. Are either of the winners ridiculously photogenic? No? Then fuck 'em.

University of Kentucky center Eloy Vargas took a high school senior to her prom after she asked him. If I ever meet Kate Upton, I'm gonna try this.

A middle school cross country runner was on a jog, where she found $1,500 in Colorado Rockies tickets. When asked where the tickets came from, he said, "Oh, they just came out of thin air."

Despite rumors, Khloe Kardashian is not pregnant. Well of course. Men can't get pregnant.

Kim Kardashian says she wants to run for mayor of Glendale, California. It's the first time she's wanted a job in her entire life.

That's all I have for today! Remember, on Friday is Cover the Night, where we go after Joseph Kony, aka the second most hated man on Earth...