Monday, August 29, 2011

"Reportedly Pregnant"

Actress Lea Michele of "Glee" turns 25 on Monday. Her costar Chris Colfer will come out of a giant cake at her party. And by "come out", I think you know what I mean.

Airlines cancelled more than 11,000 flights around the country due to Hurricane Irene. Well that blows.

Jimmer Fredette, who attended BYU, is engaged. Good luck to him and all three of his fiances.

Beyonce is reportedly pregnant. Jay-Z now has 100 problems.

Google is testing the fastest Internet service in the world. In other words, something not from Google.

New Jersey Governor Chris Christie has told people to "get the hell off the beach" in advance of Hurricane Irene. Except for the cast of Jersey Shore.

Britney Spears says if she was not famous, she would be a teacher. Because if there's one thing we know about Britney Spears, it's that she's great with kids.

Dwayne Wade says the Miami Heat passed the chemistry test last season. I also think it's fair to say that they failed the final exam.

Rumor has it that Chaz Bono will be a participant on the next season of “Dancing with the Stars”. Haven't there been enough earthquakes recently?

Hurricane experts were forecasting a multi-billion dollar disaster approaching the east coast. The predictions were proven to be correct when the experts tuned in to Jersey Shore.

At the Video Music awards, Justin Bieber won best male video, and Lady Gaga won best female video. Wait, I might have the two confused.

That's all I have for today! Wow, I hate to be arrogant, but I loved these jokes.

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