Tuesday, August 31, 2010

"Concussion Rates"

Lindsey Lohan's dad is planning to open up a rehab center in California. He's only doing this so Lindsay Lohan gets in free.

Pittsburgh Steeler's Troy Polamalu has insured his long hair for $1 million dollars. It's already worth more than Ben Roethlisberger.

Texas Representative Ron Paul is questioning whether there is any gold at all in Ft. Knox. He first made this assumption when someone compared Ft. Knox to Russia's Olympic medals.

While mass-market retailers have seen revenue drop the past several months, luxury retailers are experiencing high growth. This is what some people like to refer to as, "The United States Economy".

President Obama has embarrassed his older daughter Malia by revealing that she wears braces on her teeth. Malia then embarrassed President Obama by showing him the blank sheet of paper listing all of his accomplishments.

A New Hampshire high school student is suing his shop class teacher for not warning him of the dangers of attaching electrical clamps to his nipples and shocking himself. If you aren't smart enough to know that shocking your nipples is a bad thing, you should probably drop out of high school.

Concussion rates are soaring among younger kids. This must explain their performance in school.

Eating a variety of fruits and vegetables may decrease the risk of some kinds of lung cancer for smokers, according to a study released Monday. Also decreasing the risk of some kinds of lung cancer for smokers: not smoking.

Teachers in Milwaukee are fighting to get Viagra drug coverage back. Gee, I wonder why teachers would need Viagra.

That's all I have for today! More tomorrow!

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