Wednesday, September 1, 2010

"September Effect"

The wealthiest members of Congress grew even richer in 2009, with the top 50 members of Congress worth a combined $1.4 Billion. In that case, why are they voting to give themselves payraises?

An Iranian newspaper says that the wife of French President Nikolas Sarkozy deserves death because of her "perverted lifestyle". This is a country who thinks Mahmoud Ahmadinejad is a good example.

Investors are bracing for the "September effect" where stocks traditionally do worse than in other months. In other words, stocks are almost exactly like the New York Mets.

President Obama says now that the War in Iraq is over, the top priority is to fix the economy. These acts are known as "Operation George W. Who?".

Wrigley Field in Chicago is offering a peanut free skybox for people with food allergies. In fact, they have even made modifications to baseball tradition for these people. Now, during "Take Me Out To The Ballgame", lyrics were changed to, "Don't buy me some peanuts and Cracker Jack".

The Miami Dolphins stopped practice to crawl over the field looking for a $50,000 earring dropped by defensive end Kendall Langford. Did they check his helmet?

The CEO of Facebook asked that his private life be kept out of a lawsuit about the company. This is the first time that "Facebook" and "private life" have been used in the same sentence.

A California woman got stuck in the chimney of her boyfriend’s house and was found dead days later. You know you are fat when Santa Claus doesn't get stuck in the chimney and you do.

The United States defeated Iran 88-51 in the world basketball championship. This is the first time that "United States defeated Iran" has been used in a sentence together.

That's all I have for today! More tomorrow!

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