"Entirely In Klingon"

President Clinton says that anger, apathy and amnesia could hurt the Democrats in November. In his defense, they've already hurt the Republicans.

The FAA is proposing rules changes to cut down on pilot fatigue. What else do they need? They already have naptime throughout the whole flight.

The U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics says that college students spend about 48 minutes a day grooming. You know America is getting fat as a country when grooming is considered labor.

A study says that seniors who have a firm grip and walk at a fast pace tend to live longer than those who don’t. That is, a firm grip on life and a fast-paced walk away from death.

An opera that is written entirely in Klingon has made its debut in Europe. Italian nerds could not be happier.

Patrick Swayze’s wife says she still sends him text messages even though he died a year ago. What's really weird about all this: she gets responses.

Angelina Jolie says she does not have a lot of friends. Without benefits.

The Russian authorities fired a top local official Saturday after a video showed him forcing children to kiss his feet in a grueling series of push-ups while on a visit to a school. Who is this guy, a priest?

China on Saturday launched a measles vaccination program targeting 100 million children in a bid to eradicate the disease. Chinese officials said that they hope this will get them back to work very soon.

Eating champion Joey Chestnut set a new record by eating 47 burritos in ten minutes. He also set a new record for most toilets clogged.

A Paris man who registered 55 children by 55 different mothers faces up to 10 years in jail and fines for suspected paternity fraud. Gosh, where's Maury Povich when you need him?

A Georgia couple is suing a grocery store chain in federal court, claiming that the husband found a used tampon in his bowl of cereal. As proof, the man said that his milk kept disappearing.

Officials in a western Pennsylvania school district are apologizing after they say students at a local high school were accidentally shown pornographic pictures during a school assembly. Things got weirder when a teacher and a student simultaneously said, "Hey! That's me!".

Football club songs and pop or rock music have been banned from funerals in Catholic churches in Australia. This decision was made after a funeral director played "Another One Bites The Dust".

That's all I have for right now! More coming soon!