Monday, February 14, 2011

"Encouraging Couples"

Monday is the start of National Condom Week. Oh, and it just happens to be Valentine's Day tomorrow. Coincidence?

Friday night’s NHL game between the Pittsburgh Penguins and New York Islanders featured 346 penalty minutes, 10 ejections, 15 fighting majors, and 20 misconducts. Said one fan, "I felt like I was in Egypt".

This Valentine’s Day, First Lady Michelle Obama is encouraging couples to laugh with their partners. In other words, she encouraged couples not to read my jokes.

A poll says Iran and North Korea are Americans’ least favorite countries. Ironically, Iran and North Korea are the two countries whose dictators are most likely to have a mental disease.

John Daly is using a TV built right into his golf bag to display advertising. Considering it's John Daly, I wonder what's going to be advertised.

Osama bin Laden’s cook had his sentence reduced from 14 years to just two. His crime: not poisoning Bin Laden's food.

President Obama wants to cut $2.5 Billion from the $5 Billion home heating program for the poor. Talk about frozen spending.

Michael Vick is going to appear on the Oprah Winfrey show. Oprah is already planning to give everyone a free dead dog.

A new study says that eating fiber may lead to a longer life. However, this study does not apply to your toilet.

A former Hungarian military officer has been charged with war crimes in the 1942 slaughter of 1,200 civilians in Serbia. He has been given a harsh prison sentence; five weeks to life.

McDonald’s saw a 5.3% growth in January. Of their customers' stomachs.

That's all I have for today! More tomorrow!

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