Wednesday, September 14, 2011

"Suspicious Packages"

Nearly 1 in 6 Americans lives in poverty. The other five don't invest in stocks.

Olympic gold medalist Carl Lewis is running for the state senate in New Jersey. I expect him to win, because, of course, it involves running.

New York City had 342 reports of suspicious packages over the 9/11 anniversary weekend. Suspicious packages in NYC? Insert Anthony Weiner joke here...

A study says that night owls are more likely to have nightmares. How can you have a nightmare if you sleep during the day?

A Youtube video features a man who performs 34 “Star Wars” voice impressions. And guess what ladies, he's single!

Iran has banned TV programs showing half-naked men and love triangles. I'm guessing Ahmadinejad tuned in to Jersey Shore.

Former White House party crasher Michaele Salahi was reported to be kidnapped, but it turns out she ran off with the guitarist from Journey. As to where she ran off, check all the parties she wasn't invited to.

That's all I have for today! More tomorrow!

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