Monday, December 6, 2010

"The First Pardons"

President Obama has granted the first pardons of his presidency.  Among his pardons: the Dancing With The Stars judges for letting Bristol get all the way to the finals.

In Washington, DC, Oprah Winfrey was a recipient of the Kennedy Center Honors.  In fact, she was so happy she won that she bought the Kennedy Center.

Bristol Palin says her mother did not force her to go on the “Dancing With The Stars” show.  She didn't have to go on there?  Most Americans are saying, "Why did she choose to go on?".

A 12-foot-long oarfish washed on to the beach in Malibu.  He's so tall, even Yao Ming was like, "Woah, dude, where did you get the stilts?".

Documents revealed by Wikileaks say the Mexican drug war lacks strategy, suffers from infighting and is costing billions of dollars.  Kind of like the Miami Heat.

Philippines President Benigno Aquino III, a bachelor says that the media is ruining his love life.  In America, we call those "tabloids".

A refund has been offered for an interview with Steve Martin that the audience claimed was boring.  This is a polar opposite with what I do with my stand-up shows.  Instead of them paying me, I pay them.

NFL players are being told by their union to start saving their money in the event of a lockout by management.  Because if anybody has trouble feeding their families, it's the NFL players.

An Alabama woman has been charged with stealing 200 books from a library.  She is being charged with being the only person in Alabama who knows how to read.

Roman Polanski won the Best Film Award at the European Film Awards.  Who knew child porn movies could be award winning?

The creator of "Glee" says that cast members will eventually have to graduate as they get older.  It's not like students in America are any better at graduating.

Toyota will fix 650,000 Prius hybrids that overheat and lose power.  What happened to Toyotas of the old days that wouldn't stop?

That's all I have for today!  More tomorrow!

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