"Acting Classes"

I have been invited to the Royal Wedding. Unfortunately, I have to sit between Levi Johnston and Donald Trump's barber.

Apple says its long-awaited white iPhone 4 will go on sale today. I bought one, and I will always remember where I made my first call. Unfortunately, so will Apple.

Recently, Barack and Michelle Obama went to tape an appearance at the Oprah Winfrey show. When asked what it was like to be with the leader of the free world, Barack said that it was very exciting.

A 91-year-old San Diego woman is selling suicide kits online for $60. It consists of a picture of the woman, and a gun to shoot yourself with when you look at it.

A former Miss USA pageant winner says she felt "violated" during a TSA patdown. Well gosh, I wonder what would incline someone to want to violate a former Miss USA.

Libyan dictator Moammar Qaddafi says that he has increased sexual violence, and has even issued some of his troops Viagra. And if they don't obey his orders, they will have to deal with some stiff penalties.

Lindsay Lohan says she may teach acting classes at a homeless shelter for her community service. And you thought homeless people were miserable before.

A study says that steering wheels have more germs than a toilet seat. God, whose cars did they study?

That's all I have for today! More tomorrow!