Saturday, June 25, 2011

"Sexual Sin"

Bristol Palin calls the night she drunkenly lost her virginity “the deep quicksand of sexual sin”. And since she was talking about quicksand, I think the sex involved a lot of sucking.

Crime boss James “Whitey” Bulger was arrested in Santa Monica. Whitey Bulger is what I call Kirstie Alley's stomach.

A new large species of crab has been found in Costa Rica; it’s almost 16 inches across. I haven't heard of crabs and 16 inches in the same sentence since Snooki's last boyfriend.

A study says an aspirin a day may fight skin cancer. Take that, apples!

Scientists were able to determine a dinosaur's blood temperature through an analysis of a tooth. I think I speak for all Americans when I say, "And...".

France has endorsed President Obama's plan to withdraw from Afghanistan. And who knows more about the military than the French?

An Arizona TV pitchman failed to show at an arraignment for fraud. Coincidentally, the trial was set for 3:00 in the morning.

Kim Kardashian got her butt X-rayed to prove it was real. It's a big anniversary for Kardashian too. It was the 1 millionth that has featured her ass.

The cast of Jersey Shore is going to be replaced. In fact, I saw some scouts at the annual Douchebag Convention.

That's all I have for today! More tomorrow!

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