Wednesday, October 6, 2010

"The Creepy Line"

What's the difference between Charlie Sheen's wife and baseballs pitched to the Cincinnati Reds? Charlie Sheen's wife actually gets hit.

Delaware Senate candidate Christine O’Donnell’s new TV ad says, “I’m not a witch; I’m you”. She isn't me. She would have killed herself by now.

Donald Trump is thinking about running for president. Of course, he is the one guy with approval ratings below President Obama.

The Obama Administration says it will install two solar panels on the White House. This idea is expected to backfire, as the White House always has a dark cloud over it.

The CEO of Google says the company will “get right up to the creepy line” but not cross it. Who does the CEO of Google think he is, Al Gore?

Forecasters say Europe could be in for the coldest winter in 1,000 years. Nobody knew the forecasters were talking about the terrorist plots.

Frito Lay is pulling its biodegradable packing from some corn chips because the bags are too noisy. In that case, can we do something about those commercials?

A study says that 199 Los Angeles County workers are making more than $250,000 a year in salary. These people are called "celebrities".

A study says that mental health issues double for people who smoke marijuana. In other words, if you live in Los Angeles, look out.

A study says that people working at noisy places are at a higher risk for heart attacks. In a related story, a defibrillator has been put on the set of The View.

An island resort in the Maldives run by Olialia will be staffed by only blondes. People could either go there or to Las Vegas and get the same experience.

A study says that depression during pregnancy can lead to a low birth weight. Who knew the Octomom's babies were anorexic before they exited the womb?

The CDC says that binge drinking is becoming a “huge health problem” for the U.S. I guess these people spend too much time with Lindsay Lohan.

A study says that sleeping in can help people lose weight. In that case, why am I still a tub of lard?

A man arrested in Florida told police that the bag of marijuana they found in his buttocks was his but the bag of cocaine was not. He won the award for "Best Paris Hilton impression".

A Texas dentist is being sued by parents who claim their young son swallowed a piece of dental equipment during an exam. Wait, there are dentists in Texas?

That's all for today! More tomorrow!

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