"Drove Off A Cliff"

There are several highly recognized species on the endangered list. One of the endangered species: straight Republican senators.

President Obama was upset he didn’t get to blow anything up while appearing on TV’s “MythBusters”. Let's be fair, Mr. President. You blew up the economy.

Sarah Palin hinted to a crowd in Reno that she may run for president in 2012. As a comedian, she certainly has my vote.

Former Patriots linebacker Junior Seau drove off a cliff on Monday, but was unhurt. I guess he didn't have to Seau.

China moved into the lead of team qualifying Tuesday at the world gymnastics championships. The gymnasts will be disappointed when they find out that the gold medals they receive will not be filled with chocolate.

A man is under arrest after allegedly stealing a bag of Cheetos and some Ho Hos from a Hess gas station and stuffing them down his pants. I knew all along that Cheetos and Ho Hos go right to your thighs.

Sir Elton John says that songwriters today are "awful". He got this idea after listening to Fergie.

A Vatican minister says that Homer Simpson is a Catholic. Bart is praying that he doesn't become a priest.

There are rumors surfacing that Mel Gibson is going to make a cameo in "Hangover 2". I guess it's going to be footage of him in real life.

Canadian police are investigating a case of assault at an arcade that involved teen idol Justin Bieber. Police knew something was up when they saw Bieber hiding in the crane machine.

A woman whose home was destroyed by a fire last month won $80,000 Thursday in the Kentucky Lottery. This takes "I have good news and bad news" to a whole new level.

A woman arrested in Florida told police officers she was “too rich” to go to jail. Ironically, she couldn't post bail.

That's all I have for right now! More later!