Saturday, October 23, 2010

"Four Feet Long"

Fearing an election rout in November, President Obama is reaching out to women. A black president is reaching out to white women to gain their vote. You know what the early 1900's would call this? Completely unheard of.

Singer Katy Perry will marry Russell Brand this weekend in India. Of course, Katy's dress will not be able to show any cleavage.

The NBA wants players’ salaries to drop by 33%. I disagree. With that big of a salary cut, how will these players feed their families?

The World Wildlife Fund says tigers could be extinct in 12 years. How will the PGA go on without tigers?

A cat named Stewie measures four feet long. I haven't heard "Stewie" and "four feet long" in the same sentence since the baby's head on Family Guy.

Lady Gaga and Sir Elton John have collaborated on a new track due to appear in an upcoming Disney movie. The film? Out of the Closet.

The web domain name “sex.com” has sold for $13 Million. Unfortunately for porn viewers, the buyer lives alone and has a webcam and a bed.

McDonald’s stock has hit an all time high of $79.40. Even though it's so expensive, it's a good investment. Have you seen how fat people are in this country?

A report says Arctic ice is disappearing and may never return to the way it was. This report was released by the Al Gore Institute.

A crocodile smuggled onto a plane is being blamed for its crash in the Congo. That must have been one hell of a carry-on bag.

The Octomom’s doctor says he didn’t hear about her octuplets until after they were born. Just like the rest of America.

Penthouse Magazine founder Bob Guccione has died at age 79. His casket will be exactly like his models' legs: open.

Mel Gibson’s planned cameo in “Hangover 2” has been canceled over objections by the cast and crew. You know you're controversial when the cast and crew of the Hangover object to you being in their movie.

7.8 Million Californians took part in an earthquake drill at 10:21 AM Thursday. The drill became a reality when Kirstie Alley tripped and fell on her way there.

A woman in Taiwan who was discouraged with the available men in her city will marry herself. Or, as I call it, "My only option".

That's all for right now! More later!

1 comment:

  1. you are a fucking retard! these might be....no are the dumbest jokes ive ever read. you owe me for the 10 mins i wasted looking at these. i know why these suck! cause ur mom was on crack and coke when you were in her.

    ReplyDelete