"Pixie Dust"

Michael Jordan says that if he were playing in his prime right now, he could score 100. Of course, this means that he'd have to play the Clippers.

A study says that cavemen were skilled at parenting. You know what this means? Lindsay Lohan's parents are not cavemen.

A study says that only 2% of obese people feel they need to lose weight. The other 98% are people I call "crazy".

A poll says 50% of Americans are pessimistic about their children's future. I know that pessimism is seeing the glass as half-empty, but I didn't know half of Americans saw the glass half-empty.

A phone bill analysis says that the average teenager sends 3,339 texts each month. Dozens of these texts were sent while the teens were not driving.

In a recent speech, Sarah Palin said that Democratic leaders “act like they're permanent residents of a unicorn ranch in fantasyland” and use “pixie dust.” And after the speech, she tested positive for every drug on the planet.

That's all for today! Definitely more tomorrow!