Wednesday, February 17, 2010

"Ill-Fitting Condoms"

Retiring Sen. Evan Bayh says the public should apply an electoral “shock” to the American political system. I disagree. I would apply an electrical "shock" to the American political system.

Scientists think that the parents of the famous pharaoh King Tut were most likely brother and sister. He must have been born in the small Egyptian town of Alabama.

A new study found that many men complain about ill-fitting condoms. Wait, Americans use condoms?

The US Olympic men’s hockey team goalie, Ryan Miller, had the phrase “Miller Time” painted on his mask, but Olympics officials made him cover it up. Still no word on the US's right wing, Johnny Hammer.

A poll suggests that more than half a million Britons only wash their sheets three times a year. That same study suggests that Britons have the same mentality when it comes to their teeth.

In a recent survey conducted by Maple Leaf Foods, 43% of the respondents said they would rather have bacon than sex. The other 57% of Canadians are not considered clinically obese.

A recent study has found that 1 in 3 Americans participate in online dating. Talk about a country living in eHarmony.

A man named Robin Hood has been arrested for Identity Theft. Police first became suspicious when they saw him with the credit cards of Alan-a-Dale, Maid Marian, and Friar Tuck.

Toyota is considering a recall of its hot-selling Corolla subcompact after complaints about power steering problems. Toyota has had problems with the accelerator, brakes, and now the steering wheel. Anyone still driving a Toyota nowadays should consider a suicide prevention program.

"Tonight Show" band director Kevin Eubanks says he may be leaving the show. This is quite shocking. Someone could choose whether they wanted to leave the Tonight Show?

These are some of my best jokes I have ever come up with - all in one day! More tomorrow!

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