Wednesday, April 28, 2010

"A Canister of TNT"

Joke of the Day: A 17-year-old Utah boy mowing the lawn at his home in Hooper ran into a canister of TNT that may date back as far as World War II. The first people on the scene were the boy's dad and five moms.

April’s Consumer Confidence Index rose to its highest level since September, 2008. Which means Walmart didn't have as many shoppers as usual.

A brawl broke out in the Ukraine parliament after approving a treaty with Russia. Well that was a good treaty, wasn't it?

The Mexican government issued a warning that its citizens should be cautious if visiting Arizona. Yeah, they're "just visiting".

In Lincoln, Nebraska, a man concealed his face by wrapping his head in toilet paper before robbing a convenience store. Even more gross, it was from the convenience store restroom.

Police in Indonesia’s Papua are barred from having penis enlargement surgery. I guess they are following up that law that restricts officers from having more than one gun in their pocket.

A 10-year-old girl survived a sting from the world’s most venomous creature. Wait, I didn't know Heidi Montag was a cannibal.

Authorities said an 8-year-old boy grabbed control a pickup and brought it safely to a stop after his grandmother had a seizure while driving on a western Colorado interstate. The grandmother is now very relieved. She is thankful that she didn't have a Toyota.

Sandra Bullock has filed for divorce from her husband, Jesse James, and is adopting a baby boy as a single parent. To which Elin Nordegren said, "You can do that?".

A poll says more Americans are connecting with the government online. The same poll also said that more Americans chat with our government officials through porn sites.

The Icelandic volcano ash cloud cost European airlines more than $3 Billion in delays and cancellations. It's the happiest anyone has been with airline service in years.

The rights to the “Peanuts” comic strip have been sold for $175 Million. To which the buyer's wife said, "You forgot the Cracker Jacks".

Atlanta Braves Manager Bobby Cox says that the Cardinals’ Albert Pujols should be paid $50 Million a year. I disagree. Don't the Yankees already have a really good first baseman?

“60 Minutes” will air an interview with former “Tonight Show” host Conan O’Brien on Sunday. O'Brien and Andy Rooney will reportedly fight over who is more annoying.

A military hypersonic glider failed in a test flight. The glider was launched from a rocket to come back to earth at 13,000 mph to splash in the ocean. After the glider failed the test, military officials fired Toyota.

A brawl broke out in the Ukraine parliament after approving a treaty with Russia. These rarely turn into food fights; the last time I checked, you need food for a food fight.

That's all for now. More upcoming!

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