Sunday, April 4, 2010

"An Unhealthy Clown"

Tiger Woods arrived without warning on a lazy Sunday afternoon at the Masters. If I had a nickel for every time that Woods arrived without warning...

Pamela Anderson said that she can't stand Kate Gosselin. Neither can the rest of the world.

For her next dance, Kate Gosselin will reportedly be bringing "Jon & Kate" to life on the dance floor with pro partner Tony Dovolani. It's going to be a terrible routine. Kate is going to run up to the camera and give a terrible interview, and Tony is going to run in the audience and find a hot young mistress.

Jersey Shore member J-Woww says that she does not like that the show was renewed by MTV. At least somebody on Jersey Shore knows what they are talking about.

The NCAA is on the verge of expanding the men's basketball tournament to 96 teams. And I thought my bracket couldn't get any worse.

Angry activists are calling for the retirement of Ronald McDonald, calling him an unhealthy clown, with far too much influence. Wait, didn't they call George Bush the same thing?

Newark, N.J. had its first murder-free month in 44 years. Unfortunately, it wasn't a suicide-free month because most people there realized that they live in Newark.

An error by SunTrust Bank made a customer's account balance close to $89 billion dollars. The customer then went to Washington and bought the U.S.

A recent survey said that half of Americans would support an openly-gay President. So our next President is going to be a Republican, right?

A woman is aiming to be the fattest female to teach people about fat acceptance. Ironically, she is scheduled to appear on Oprah.

That's all for today!

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