Wednesday, April 21, 2010

"A Carnival Attraction"

Joke of the Day: Yesterday, Supreme Court Justice John Paul Stevens celebrated his 90th birthday. Do you have any idea how old he is? The candles cost more than the actual cake.

The U.S. military says childhood obesity is a threat to national security because kids can’t stand the rigors of military service. Obese children can barely stand period.

The Supreme Court, on an 8-to-1 vote, killed a law making it a crime to sell videos depicting animal cruelty. At least now Michael Vick has a new highlight reel.

Nadya Suleman, the CA woman who gave birth to octuplets last year, says the nickname “Octomom” makes her feel like a “carnival attraction”. She really is a carnival attraction. Her vagina is like the clown pulling out the endless bow out of his mouth.

Kate Gosselin has been eliminated from Dancing With The Stars. She was eliminated on the basis that she wasn't an actual celebrity.

Among things recently inducted into various US halls of fame were cowboys, croquet, and insurance. Uhh, FAME?

An elderly Des Moines woman used a handgun to ward off a man who bashed in the front door of her home. The man immediately surrendered after the elderly woman flashed him.

A 39-year-old driver was pulled over in Connecticut this weekend where police said he was doing 5 mph in a 40 mph zone. The driver is being described as "a non-Toyota driver.

Sarah Ferguson, the Duchess of York, has guest hosted U.S. television network ABC's The View, CNN's Larry King Live and is a special correspondent for NBC's Today show, but now she wants her own American television program. I'm not sure that's a good resume, though.

A poll says that legalizing marijuana won’t boost the economy. Maybe in Los Angeles, but not anywhere else.

A poll says that only 33% of Americans are in favor of legalizing marijuana. The other 67% are not teenagers.

A survey says that teenagers love their cell phones more than they like school. This is way too obvious. Teens use their cell phones during school.

A survey says that teenagers love their cell phones more than they like school. The same survey found that teenagers love pizza more than peas.

A survey says that three fourths of American teenagers have cell phones. The other fourth? We call them "Amish".

The Octomom told Oprah she will never do a reality TV show. That's like Oprah telling Octomom that she will never eat another cheeseburger.

The Defense Department says that an Iranian missile could hit the U.S. by 2015. In a related story, Iranians disagree with the Mayans.

A survey says that Microsoft employees use Facebook and Twitter the most. Coming in a distant third, their beds.

L.A. Mayor Antonio Villaraigosa says he will have to cut thousands of jobs because of the budget shortfall. In fact, Villaraigosa says that the only job remaining in L.A. will be his own.

That's all for now. More later!

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