"Arrested In Bakersfield"

A study in New York City tried to find out what smells people like and dislike. I'm pretty sure one of the smells they didn't like was New York City.

America's first legal male prostitute has left the brothel he worked at in Nevada after attracting fewer than ten paying customers. Strangely enough, three of those customers were Eric Massa, Larry Craig, and Roy Ashburn.

A study says that Yankees players are the highest paid athletes in the world. I totally agree. Their infielders made enough money to make Bill Gates cry.

The Washington Wizards say they will bring back Gilbert Arenas next year. Are they also bringing back the name "Washington Bullets"?

Toyota will stop production in their factories in France and the U.K. for nine days. The employees of Toyota don't think it's fair that the inspection department gets all this time off.

Toyota will stop production in their factories in France and the U.K. for nine days. "Toyota" and "stop" will likely never be used in the same sentence ever again.

A study says that boys’ bad behavior can be linked to poor parenting. This study was conducted in a place called "The DUHpartment".

A coalition of health professionals and others are calling for Ronald McDonald to retire, saying he has too much influence over kids. George Bush said he would have joined if he knew which company Ronald McDonald worked for.

Ben Curtis says Tiger Woods played well in a practice round but looked nervous. I'm confused? What was he practicing?

A New Jersey woman needed stitches after being hit by a battery during an episode of road rage. The other driver was convicted of assault WITH a battery.

In Nevada, Sarah Palin told thousands of Tea Party activists that they should not “sit down and shut up”. While everybody else is telling Sarah Palin to "sit down and shut up".

The animated film “How To Train Your Dragon” was No. 1 at the box office with receipts of over $43 million. Tiger Woods was surprised when he saw this movie. At first, he thought it was going to be a two-hour Viagra commercial.

A federal survey says we may have a summertime grasshopper infestation in Wyoming, Montana, South Dakota and Nebraska. This survey would be important, you know, if anybody actually lived in any of those states.

NFL linebacker Joey Porter was arrested in Bakersfield on suspicion of drunk driving and resisting arrest. When asked why he did this, Porter said, "I've always wanted to play for the Cincinnati Bengals".

Well, I know that was a while, but that's all I have for right now. Today, I get to meet Jay Leno! I'm so excited!