"Teaching While Drunk"

Dallas Mavericks star Dirk Nowitzki was ejected from Tuesday night’s game with the LA Clippers for complaining. He was mad that he couldn't play an actual professional team.

Comedienne Rosie O'Donnell says her new daytime television talk show set to debut in 2011 will be like “The Oprah Winfrey Show.” The only similarities I see are that the hosts are women, it will be during the daytime, and they are clinically obese.

Contestants on a British game show who were given were given the opportunity to spell out a profanity for points decided not to “in the name of decency.” This is something that Jersey Shore should have done a long time ago.

A 7th-grade school teacher in Southern California was arrested for allegedly teaching while drunk. It's Southern California; what do you expect?

A French man has been arrested for hacking into the Twitter account of President Barack Obama, French police said on Wednesday. Here's a piece of advice: people become suspicious when the President gives Twitter updates during a speech.

One in 10 Chinese adults already have the disease and another 16 percent are on the verge of developing it, according to a new study. I say China's job of becoming more like the US is complete!

Women who are overweight or obese do not appear to reap the same benefits in terms of weight-gain prevention, researchers say. Well DUH!

Osama bin Laden has warned Al-Qaeda will kill Americans if the mastermind of the 2001 attacks on the United States, Khaled Sheikh Mohammed, is executed, in an audiotape aired Thursday by Al-Jazeera television. So America has decided to kill Mohammed and Osama at the same time.

Arnold Palmer says that Tiger Woods should "open up". I think his legs already have.

A study by Australian psychologists says that men will risk it all for a beautiful woman. In America, we call that "Las Vegas".

A report says that a record number of Americans have been licensed to carry guns. Matter of fact, the standards of the NRA are so low, Gilbert Arenas is a premium member.

A study says that moderate drinking can help the heart. However, binge drinking can cause an unfaithful heart.

Italian Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi tried to help his re-election chances by criticizing a female member of the opposition party for being too attractive. That would have never worked with Hillary Clinton.

The University of Wisconsin-Green Bay has switched the default font on its e-mail system from Arial to the smaller Century Gothic to save money on ink when printing emails. This news came from the website: www.idgaf.com

Richard Heene, father of the infamous Colorado Balloon Boy, has been released from jail into home detention and must now wear an electronic ankle device until April 4. Heene is furious. It buzzes every time he is within 100 yards of a video camera.

That's it for now! More tomorrow!