Friday, March 12, 2010

"An Odd Twist"

The government reports that highway deaths in 2009 were at the lowest level since 1954. That's because Toyotas killed people before they could get to the highway.

82% of Americans say they want tougher regulations for Wall Street. The other 18% of Americans work on Wall Street.

A study says that women are guilty of feeling too much guilt, while men tend to be more emotionally detached. The study is being entitled: "The Effects of Marriage".

A new method of brain scan can reporptedly allow researchers to read people's thoughts. Doctors were surprised when the people's thoughts were, "When is this stupid scan going to be over?"

China has become the world's biggest Internet market. Well nowadays, what market aren't they big in?

Rush Limbaugh now denies he said he’d move to Costa Rica if Congress passes health care reform. Costa Rica has now breathed a huge sigh of relief.

Doris Haddock, a woman who walked across America at the age of 89 to draw attention to campaign finance reform, has died at the age of 100. At least she died knowing that she got the job done...

Neighbors have reported Tiger Woods and his wife Elin Nordegren outside kissing and hugging. This is an odd twist. Usually when Tiger does that stuff it's not with his wife.

A man in Kansas told police he was beaten up when he tried to use Monopoly money to purchase drugs. The man has been sentenced to jail until he rolls doubles on his dice.

Devotees of a man claiming to practice a traditional African religion said they had to ingest the mucus of a Giant African Snail that sickened them. This sounds like a game of Truth or Dare gone horribly wrong.

Second-degree burglary charges have been filed against an Ames man who broke into a church where he allegedly used the institution's electronic equipment to watch pornography. The scary thing about all this: he didn't need the Internet.

A union representing Dutch nurses will launch a national campaign Friday against demands for sexual services by patients who claim it should be part of their standard care. The union consists entirely of young female nurses.

Women who took the birth control pill beginning in the late 1960s lived longer than those never on the pill, a new study says. The study also said that the children of the mother who took the pill never lived period.

Obesity plus daily drinking boosts the risk of liver disease in men and women, researchers report in two new studies. In other words, if you are a Buffalo Wild Wings regular, you're screwed.

Authorities in Riverside County, California say a woman with a gun robbed 11 customers at a market and got away with $6. She is now the richest person in California.

Running back Larry Johnson has signed a three-year deal with the Washington Redskins. This is a terrible idea. If he can make fun of gays, I wouldn't be surprised if Native Americans took a little heat as well.

That's it for today! More tomorrow!

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