"The Fire In My Belly"

A Florida woman was arrested after attacking her male roommate with butter. Ironically, her name was "Margie".

Asked whether she is going to run for president, Sarah Palin said, “I do have the fire in my belly”. In other words, she's going to play the fat guy in the next Austin Powers movie.

A new reality show coming to TV will be about swingers. Don't we already have that? It's called "16 and Pregnant".

A fire broke out during Saturday night’s game at Dodgers Stadium. When hearing about this, the Cincinnati Reds asked, "What's it like to be on fire".

Psychology Today magazine published an article titled “Why Are Black Women Less Physically Attractive Than Other Women?” And on the next page, an article was written about Susan Boyle.

A tech mogul is paying students with technological potential to not go to college. We already have a word for people paid to not learn in college. "Student athletes".

Whoever won the Indy 500, I must say to them, "Wheldon, my boy!"

The FBI is looking for the "Mullet bandit", a man with a mullet who has held up several banks. That's extremely weird. I didn't know people with mullets knew what a bank was.

That's all I have for right now! More tomorrow!

"More Famous Than Obama"

Charlie Sheen wants to make a feature film. Too bad "Despicable Me" is already taken.

Supporting Charlie Sheen, Twilight’s Robert Pattinson said, “I like crazy people who don’t give a f*ck.” It looks like Moammar Qaddafi has a supporter.

Kim Kardashian released her first song. The strange part: Sir Mix A Lot wanted to be in it.

Charlie Sheen says he is “more famous than Obama”. I never thought I'd find the one person more hated by FOX News than President Obama.

A new translation of the Catholic Bible substitutes the phrase “young woman” for “virgin”. Then, the Catholics saw "16 and Pregnant" and said, "Uh, never mind".

A study says that men taking aspirin and other pain relievers are more prone to having sexual problems. Well that ought to take care of that headache.

Researchers say that a third of obese and half of overweight patients are never told they have a weight problem by their doctor. Is it that hard to determine by yourself?

The Brain Store, a retail outlet in Chicago, sells items to help people keep their brains sharp to ward off dementia. A place where people help you keep your brain sharp; isn't that called "school"?

That's all I have for today! More tomorrow!

"Secession Ball"

South Carolina is holding its annual “Secession Ball”. Unfortunately, half of the ball-goers left early and started their own ball.

Merriam-Webster named “austerity” word of the year for 2010. "Austerity" is a strict economy. That's like "freedom" being the word of the year for North Korea.

A dog in Germany gave birth to 17 puppies. By force of habit, Angelina Jolie adopted 12 of them.

Indianapolis Colts receiver Austin Collie has suffered head injuries in three games this season. The last time I heard "Collie" and "head injuries" in the same sentence, Michael Vick was in court.

Jermaine Jackson says he was robbed of $192,000 in jewelry, furs and clothes. You know what Flavor Flav calls this? His daily outfit.

The Washington Post says the government has created a vast domestic spy network that collects information on Americans. Isn't that called "WikiLeaks"?

Actress Marilu Henner is one of only six people in the world who have a condition called superior autobiographical memory, where she can remember every day of her life. Or, as a man would call it, "A worst nightmare".

Blockbuster is planning on closing 182 stores by April. This is expected to come as a shock to Blockbuster's four loyal customers.

Police in New York stopped a driver for running a red light and discovered more than 500 pounds of marijuana inside his minivan. This story is being called, "A day in the life of a cab driver".

The U.S. teen birth rate hit an all-time low in 2009. This is due to the fact that teens would just prefer to watch 16 and Pregnant.

Last night was the premeire of "Million Dollar Money Drop", where contestants are given $1,000,000 and watch it slowly disappear. Or, as Charles Barkley calls it, "Tuesday".

WikiLeaks founder Julian Assange has sold his memoirs to two publishing houses. The title of his memoirs: FML.

That's all I have for today! More tomorrow!