"Back To Normal"

Now that the blizzard in the northeast has passed, traffic is back to normal. Because everybody looks forward to traffic that the northeast calls normal.

While the state of New Jersey was in the midst of a declared emergency, Governor Chris Christie was at Disney World. Why is he at Disney World? Because after all, being the governor of New Jersey, he has nothing to celebrate.

There's a new iPhone app called NoseDial, allowing you to dial your phone with your nose. It's perfect for the person with absolutely nothing better to do.

A new study says that people who socialize more have bigger brains than those who don’t. Especially when it comes to women.

Pennsylvania Governor Ed Rendell says we have become a “nation of wussies” after the Philadelphia-Minnesota NFL game was postponed due to snow. Unfortunately, the speech was cut short when Rendell broke a nail.

A poll says President Obama is the most admired man in the country. This poll was not given to any Republicans.

That's all for right now! More later!

"Using An Electric Eel"

Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg will be interviewed on “60 Minutes” next Sunday.  To give you an idea of Facebook, its online security quality is equivalent to that of WikiLeaks.

A new study says there may be as many as 300 sextillion stars in the night sky.  And ironically enough, not one of them is located in Hollywood.

The names that parents choose to give their newborn children reveals information about the parents.  For example, the name "Shequanna" indicates that the parents have been on the Maury Povich show. (this is not racist at all, I've seen a lot of baby Shequannas on Maury)

MLB pitcher Jamie Moyer had Tommy John surgery.  You know you're getting old when your fastest pitches are 85 miles per hour and your arm still gives out.

An aquarium in Japan is using an electric eel to light its Christmas tree.  This kind of news story makes me think of those five magic words: What could possibly go wrong?

The U.S. says its ready to help give financial aid to the EU.  That's like hiring Charlie Sheen as your sober coach.

Newark, New Jersey is laying off 14% of its police force because of budget problems.  The biggest problem: nobody wants to live in Newark.


A report says that good looking couples have more daughters.  In other words, no matter who my wife is, we are going to have a family full of boys.


A college student in Florida googled his own name and found he was mistakenly wanted for murder.  That's peculiar for him.  He has nothing better to do but to google his own name?


72 year old Jane Fonda will make her first exercise video in fifteen years.  I am already getting visuals that I don't want.


Northern Kentucky has been chosen as the site for a theme park based on Noah’s Ark.  "Northern Kentucky" is one of those ironies, like "Comic Book Collector's Girlfriend".


Some hospitals are starting to add Wi-Fi and gourmet meals to attract patients.  What do they expect people to do, get hurt on purpose?


The most asked web question in 2010 was how to tie a tie.  The second most asked web question: What the hell did Mel Gibson say this time?

That's all I have for right now!  More tomorrow!

"Blamed It On Diarrhea"

Joke of the Day: Kirstie Alley has confirmed that her 17-year-old son is engaged to be married. This wedding is expected to break a world record. The world's fastest eaten wedding cake.

A new porn magazine is coming out for the blind in Braille. Seriously, that's as useless as an iPod for the deaf.

An Iowa teenager will attend her high school prom wearing a dress she made out of Wrigley’s gum wrappers. Chances of this girl having a date are pretty small.

New York Yankees relief pitcher Chan Ho Park had a terrible outing in his first appearance this season and blamed it on diarrhea. In other words, his bad outing has been blamed on the runs.

A good-looking significant other will cause other potential mates to find you more desirable, new research suggests. The research has been entitled, "Must be his wallet".

Derek Lowe has called rookie outfielder Jason Heyward a young Alex Rodriguez. Unfortunately, he wasn't talking about what he does on the field.

Hank Aaron believes batters shouldn't try to hit a homerun every time they're at bat. That's like Lindsay Lohan telling everyone to "Say No!"

A Swedish man who flew passenger jets in countries around Europe for more than a decade without a license was let off with a light fine by a Dutch court on Tuesday. Now would be a good time for the "But everyone's doing it" excuse.

Recently, Ellen DeGeneres asked Eva Longoria Parker to strip on her show. You don't have to be lesbian to do that, Ellen.

That's all for now! More tomorrow!