"Awarded To Kansas City"

Joke of the Day: Tennessee Titans running back Chris Johnson says he can't play for $550,000 a year. I mean come on, the guy's gotta eat.

The chairman of the BP oil company said his company “cares about the small people”. The question is: do they care about the small animals in the Gulf?

The Walt Disney Company adopted a new policy allowing employees to have bare legs when wearing skirts, instead of the previously required panty hose. Who knew Disney used to be Amish?

The 2012 MLB All-Star Game has been awarded to Kansas City. Of course, this will be the first game at Kauffman Stadium without a single Kansas City Royals baseball player.

A rising number of Americans say they work out at least an hour a day. These are people I like to call, "Liars".

U.S. college enrollment is at its highest in forty years. The number of students going to class, now that's a different story.

Experts are arguing that the Utah death sentence by firing squad is more humane than other methods. For instance, an inhumane method that has been outlawed is death by Lady Gaga music.

Dating site cupidtino finds romance between people who have Mac computers. And on their first date, they will both brag about how great their computers are.

Oprah Winfrey gave her staff at O Magazine each a $10,000 bonus and an iPad. They found them under their spinning chairs.

Jamie Moyer became the oldest pitcher to ever beat the Yankees. Of course, it helps that half the people on the Yankees are twice his age.

Christina Aguilera sang the national anthem before game seven of the NBA Finals. And when she was finished, six Celtics players ran up and gave her child support checks.

That's all for today! More tomorrow!

"Another Player's Shoe"

Joke of the Day: An immigrant won Sunday night's Miss USA pageant. One thing's for sure: She wasn't Miss Arizona.

A mile-long tube installed by BP is sucking away the oil that has been gushing out of the broken pipeline in the Gulf of Mexico. BP is also sucking money out of our wallets by raising gas prices by $2.00 a gallon.

The current flight of the space shuttle Atlantis is scheduled to be its final flight. It will land underwater where it will stay for the rest of eternity.

A 94-year-old California woman graduated from Mills College in Oakland, finally earning her college degree. The other thing that woman just crossed off her bucket list: host Saturday Night Live.

A California high school girl’s softball coach forced 8 players who struck out during a recent game to drink soda from another player’s shoe. Their choices were to drink soda from the shoe or drink Diet Coke from the can.

Rumors on the Internet say that one of LeBron James’ Cavaliers teammates has been sleeping with his mother. Even more reason for him to leave Cleveland.

A new study says that burgers and fries worsen asthma. The conductors of the study apparently made the participants walk to and from McDonald's.

BP says the Gulf oil spill cleanup has cost the company $450 Million so far. Or, as BP calls it, one fill-up.

Las Vegas is reacting to the housing bust by building thousands of new homes. That's like trying to cure the obesity epidemic by doubling production at Willy Wonka's chocolate factory.

The Kansas City Royals have fired third base coach Dave Owen. The Royals didn't think he was necessary because, of course, nobody on the Kansas City Royals can get to third base.

A survey says small business owners are more upbeat about the economy. That's because they are still among the very few Americans who actually has a job.

A group of unhappy Facebook users are promoting a “Quit Facebook Day” on May 31 to protest the latest changes to the Facebook privacy policy. To those unhappy Facebook users, there's this crazy thing called "Deleting Your Account".

Some scientists are estimating that the oil leak in the Gulf has sent a miles-long underwater plume of oil heading straight for the Florida Keys. In a related story, the Cubans have found a shortcut to Miami.

That's all I have for right now. More later!