"Related To Sarah Palin"

In an effort to be bio-friendly, Walmart will sell pet products made from trash. Don't they already do that?

Google is investing $5 billion in an offshore wind project. Isn't Google blowing this out of proportion?

The Wall Street Journal reports that Wall Street companies will pay employees $144 billion this year, breaking a record for the second year in a row. And that money is just to the CEOs.

Members of the Cherokee Nation who have access to iPhones can now text each other in their native language. Now, their newest problem: finding someplace that has service.

The Chinese company making Apple’s iPhones is being criticized with allegations of worker abuse. Chinese workers are looking for ways to heal their boo-boos.

A new study says that if California legalizes marijuana it won’t hurt the drug cartels because Californians already grow their own pot. Do you want proof that pot is actually grown? Look in Lindsay Lohan's shoe and Paris Hilton's mouth.

A New Zealand TV host resigned after mocking the name of Indian official Sheila Dikshit. He should have resigned. After all, he had no right to mock the name "Sheila".

A former sports agent says he paid Ryan Leaf $10,000 when he was still in college. You know who represents this guy now? Reggie Bush.

Genealogy reports say that Barack Obama is related to Sarah Palin and Rush Limbaugh. Somebody better put the President under suicide watch.

Snooki from "Jersey Shore" is going to do some community service. Hopefully it involves her not being on TV.

A set of John Lennon's fingerprints being auctioned for at least $100,000 was seized by the FBI. The creepy part about all this: the only place they could find fingerprints were on Yoko Ono's skin.

Warren Buffett says that "Pain will be felt for a long time" as the economy recovers. Unless you are Warren Buffett.

The Supreme Court will rule on a case that asks if terrorist laws apply to when a wife attacks her husband. Who would have thought that Elin Nordegren would have been worse off than Tiger Woods?

House Minority Leader John Boehner says if the GOP takes control of Congress they will cut spending weekly. Exactly what is the problem with that?

A man who tried to streak in front of President Obama was doing it to cash in on an offer of a million dollars from a British website. The speech involved a guy who made himself look like an idiot and didn't care what anybody thought. And a naked guy was there, too.

Twitter is targeting one billion users. One billion people have used it; kind of like Paris Hilton.

A study says the fastest growing areas in the country show a big income drop. Mainly because of people we call "illegal immigrants".

The coach of the Detroit Lions is denying his team tried to run up the score in a 44-6 win over the Rams. Football fans were shocked. The Lions know how to score touchdowns?

That's all I have for today! More coming tomorrow!

"Closer To Stalling"

Joke of the Day: A massacre caused by a mushroom hunter in Italy has caused 18 deaths. Or, as we call that in America, "Super Mario Brothers".

Justin Bieber postponed his performance Sunday at the New York State Fair. Let me be the first to say, "Thank God!".

Twenty two Komodo dragons hatched from eggs at the Los Angeles Zoo. I don't know what makes them scarier: the fact that they are dragons or the fact that they came from eggs.

More than 500 National Guard troops are being deployed to Arizona to help with border security. Apparently our government has never heard the common saying, "If it ain't broke, don't fix it".

The government says the economy is getting closer to stalling. If the economy stalls any longer, it could be mistaken for President Obama.

A California man was sentenced to 16 years in prison for killing an acquaintance who complained about his singing. In related news, Simon Cowell has gone into hiding.

Jay Leno raised $100,000 to go towards Gulf Coast recovery from the oil spill. Apparently he has too many jokes in his routine, so he's eliminating some of them.

John Lennon's toilet was sold at an auction for $14,700. Unfortunately, Elvis Presley's toilet didn't sell for quite as much; mainly because it was haunted.

Dennis Rodman claims to have had sex with 2,000 women, and said he was not impressed with the way their parents raised them. If anything, I'm not too thrilled about how Dennis Rodman's parents raised him.

Nike has patented a self lacing shoe. Five-year-olds are calling it, "The greatest invention ever".

A new study says that heavy drinkers live longer than non-drinkers. Unless they get behind the wheel of a car.

A new study says that heavy drinkers live longer than non-drinkers. This is great news if you are Lindsay Lohan.

That's all for now! More later!