Joke of the Day: Police in California killed an enraged man who it turns out was only armed with a spatula. Authorities are still trying to determine what caused this man to flip.
The number of Americans living in poverty is on track for a record increase. In fact, in a few years, the term "poverty" could be the same as "average".
Sunday was Grandparents Day. Of course, not many grandparents were able to remember.
A Wisconsin street musician hit an observer with his guitar. Now he knows how to be an on-stage performer.
Scientists say they may have found a cure for the nation’s ailing bats. They're called "steroids".
A Saudi diplomat told NBC he feels his life is in danger if he goes back home because of his lifestyle. To which Pastor Terry Jones said, "Oh, you think you're in trouble in Saudi Arabia because of your lifestyle?".
Researchers say that as Americans get older, they tend to eat out less. And when they do, they go at around 4:30.
Jamaican runner Bobby-Gaye Wilkins has been banned two years for doping. The Tour de France has offered him a sponsorship deal.
A study says that men are more susceptible to memory problems than women when they get older. To which my dad said, "Men are more susceptible to what? I forget."
That's all I have for today! In my opinion, it was an unbelievable day for jokes! More coming tomorrow!
Showing posts with label Memory. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Memory. Show all posts
Monday, September 13, 2010
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
"The Cause Of Earthquakes"
Joke of the Day: A senior Iranian cleric says women who dress scantily and who have adulterous sex are the cause of earthquakes. In that case, why is Maury Povich's studio still intact?
US and Iraqi officials say they killed al-Qaida’s top two officials in air and ground assaults. And yet, still no word on Osama bin Laden.
The best-selling relationship book, “Men Are From Mars; Women Are From Venus”, will soon be on the big screen. The tagline: "Either way, they come from my... you know."
Twenty Nepali climbers are on a mission to clean up the area on Mt. Everest known as the “death zone”. Which is strange, because I thought Los Angeles was in California.
A set of quadruplets from New York have all chosen to attend the same college. In a related story, Kate Gosselin has just been inspired.
A suburban school district secretly captured at least 56,000 webcam photographs and screen shots from laptops issued to high school students, And those were just in the showers.
Returning from Mexico, Michelle Obama made a brief stop Thursday in San Diego to visit a community garden farmed by international refugees. She is calling this journey, "A day in the life of an illegal Mexican immigrant".
A gene variant that may help protect memory and thinking skills in elderly people has been identified by U.S. researchers. It's called a notepad.
A new study has found that almost six out of 10 child-care centers in Wisconsin send home children who have minor illnesses. That means that six out of 10 child-care centers in Wisconsin have really good liars.
High school students attending a prom in Oklahoma say they watched as a repo man drove away a limousine they had rented. At least one person said they thought the limo was being stolen. It was a repo man, so that person was right.
A new study says that one third of U.S. teenagers with cell phones send more than 100 texts per day. The same study has found that 99 of these texts were gramatically incorrect.
Jay Leno says he knew that Conan O'Brien would land on his feet. That's weird. Conan usually says he lands on his hair.
A 9 year old boy in Georgia is raising money for his own heart surgery by selling manuscripts of his life online. A 9-year old selling his life story? And you thought the book called "Jewish Sports Legends" was short.
A study says that tanning is as addictive as drinking, with one third of all college students hooked. To both tanning and drinking.
A study says that people grow to dislike diet foods after a period of time. Actually, these people just try diet food once and they hate it.
Joe Biden is set to make an appearance on "The View". And you thought the panel for The View never shuts up.
A U.N. report says that India has more cell phones than toilets. Conveniently enough, the US has exactly as many cell phones as they do cars.
GM is teaming up with a Detroit church to try to sell more cars. That's right, America. GM needs a prayer to get their cars on the road.
Bill Clinton says the world sees too much infighting in the U.S. And his marriage.
That's all for right now! More upcoming!
US and Iraqi officials say they killed al-Qaida’s top two officials in air and ground assaults. And yet, still no word on Osama bin Laden.
The best-selling relationship book, “Men Are From Mars; Women Are From Venus”, will soon be on the big screen. The tagline: "Either way, they come from my... you know."
Twenty Nepali climbers are on a mission to clean up the area on Mt. Everest known as the “death zone”. Which is strange, because I thought Los Angeles was in California.
A set of quadruplets from New York have all chosen to attend the same college. In a related story, Kate Gosselin has just been inspired.
A suburban school district secretly captured at least 56,000 webcam photographs and screen shots from laptops issued to high school students, And those were just in the showers.
Returning from Mexico, Michelle Obama made a brief stop Thursday in San Diego to visit a community garden farmed by international refugees. She is calling this journey, "A day in the life of an illegal Mexican immigrant".
A gene variant that may help protect memory and thinking skills in elderly people has been identified by U.S. researchers. It's called a notepad.
A new study has found that almost six out of 10 child-care centers in Wisconsin send home children who have minor illnesses. That means that six out of 10 child-care centers in Wisconsin have really good liars.
High school students attending a prom in Oklahoma say they watched as a repo man drove away a limousine they had rented. At least one person said they thought the limo was being stolen. It was a repo man, so that person was right.
A new study says that one third of U.S. teenagers with cell phones send more than 100 texts per day. The same study has found that 99 of these texts were gramatically incorrect.
Jay Leno says he knew that Conan O'Brien would land on his feet. That's weird. Conan usually says he lands on his hair.
A 9 year old boy in Georgia is raising money for his own heart surgery by selling manuscripts of his life online. A 9-year old selling his life story? And you thought the book called "Jewish Sports Legends" was short.
A study says that tanning is as addictive as drinking, with one third of all college students hooked. To both tanning and drinking.
A study says that people grow to dislike diet foods after a period of time. Actually, these people just try diet food once and they hate it.
Joe Biden is set to make an appearance on "The View". And you thought the panel for The View never shuts up.
A U.N. report says that India has more cell phones than toilets. Conveniently enough, the US has exactly as many cell phones as they do cars.
GM is teaming up with a Detroit church to try to sell more cars. That's right, America. GM needs a prayer to get their cars on the road.
Bill Clinton says the world sees too much infighting in the U.S. And his marriage.
That's all for right now! More upcoming!
Sunday, March 7, 2010
"A Big Lie"
The American-born spokesman for al-Qaida has been arrested by Pakistani intelligence officers in the southern city of Karachi. In court, he is expected to plead "irony".
A woman in jail for public intoxication was accused of assaulting a jailer by squirting breast milk at her. She only proved that she was drinking when she did this. Her breast milk was mostly alcohol.
Authorities say a gunman has been killed and an off-duty officer injured in a shootout outside a Walmart store in the east Texas city of Commerce. Strangely enough, the officer that was shot was more lifelike than the Walmart security.
Kathy Griffin recently said that Sarah Palin was "a gift that keeps on giving". This, coming from "a gift that nobody wants".
Ronnie White, who is able to memorize the order of a deck of cards in 1.5 minutes, will go on to represent the United States at the World Memory Championships in Guangzhou, China in November. The winner will receive the "Get A Life" award.
Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadenijad called the 9/11 attacks "a big lie". He also called his election "the absolute truth", Simon Cowell "too nice" and the New York Knicks "Team of the Century".
Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadenijad called the 9/11 attacks "a big lie". I'm getting the idea that Ahmadenijad doubles as Joe Wilson.
President Barack Obama praised the Iraqi people for passing "an important milestone" Sunday, when millions turned out for national elections. Strangely enough, the person who was elected promised big things but didn't do anything.
New Pledge of Allegiance: I pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States of America, and to the democrat for which it stands, one nation underground, irresponsible, with obesity and taxes for all.
My friend's pledge: I pledge allegiance to the financial department of the United States of America, and to the budget which it screwed up, one nation under debt, incompetent, with income and revenue for China.
That's it for now! I feel like I'm back in a groove! More tomorrow!
A woman in jail for public intoxication was accused of assaulting a jailer by squirting breast milk at her. She only proved that she was drinking when she did this. Her breast milk was mostly alcohol.
Authorities say a gunman has been killed and an off-duty officer injured in a shootout outside a Walmart store in the east Texas city of Commerce. Strangely enough, the officer that was shot was more lifelike than the Walmart security.
Kathy Griffin recently said that Sarah Palin was "a gift that keeps on giving". This, coming from "a gift that nobody wants".
Ronnie White, who is able to memorize the order of a deck of cards in 1.5 minutes, will go on to represent the United States at the World Memory Championships in Guangzhou, China in November. The winner will receive the "Get A Life" award.
Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadenijad called the 9/11 attacks "a big lie". He also called his election "the absolute truth", Simon Cowell "too nice" and the New York Knicks "Team of the Century".
Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadenijad called the 9/11 attacks "a big lie". I'm getting the idea that Ahmadenijad doubles as Joe Wilson.
President Barack Obama praised the Iraqi people for passing "an important milestone" Sunday, when millions turned out for national elections. Strangely enough, the person who was elected promised big things but didn't do anything.
New Pledge of Allegiance: I pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States of America, and to the democrat for which it stands, one nation underground, irresponsible, with obesity and taxes for all.
My friend's pledge: I pledge allegiance to the financial department of the United States of America, and to the budget which it screwed up, one nation under debt, incompetent, with income and revenue for China.
That's it for now! I feel like I'm back in a groove! More tomorrow!
Thursday, January 28, 2010
"Mid-Life Crisis Is A Myth"
Here are my jokes for January 28. Sorry they are so late AND so limited.
Scientists now say that the “mid-life crisis” is a myth. However, I was a little puzzled when I found out that all these scientists were all between 35-40 years old.
President Obama said that he wants a bipartisan government. I would compare our government today to an amputated bird: Neither of them can successfully because one wing is doing all the work.
A study says that drinking blueberry juice can improve a person's memory. There is a little catch though: You first have to remember what kind of juice to buy.
I'm really sorry that they are this limited, but my parents are kicking me off. I hate this, but I'm seriously being rushed. There will be SOOOOOOOOOOO many more jokes tomorrow.
Scientists now say that the “mid-life crisis” is a myth. However, I was a little puzzled when I found out that all these scientists were all between 35-40 years old.
President Obama said that he wants a bipartisan government. I would compare our government today to an amputated bird: Neither of them can successfully because one wing is doing all the work.
A study says that drinking blueberry juice can improve a person's memory. There is a little catch though: You first have to remember what kind of juice to buy.
I'm really sorry that they are this limited, but my parents are kicking me off. I hate this, but I'm seriously being rushed. There will be SOOOOOOOOOOO many more jokes tomorrow.
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