A show on FOX News claims the new Muppet movie is brainwashing kids. FOX News said, "They can't brainwash anybody. That's our job."
A study says that one quarter of the parents of overweight kids say their doctor mentioned it. The other three parents have blind doctors.
Madonna will perform the half time show at Super Bowl XLVI. Her show will be more painful to watch than an Indianapolis Colts game.
A woman’s face caught fire while she was undergoing surgery in Florida. She will have to go through life with a busted face. You know, like Gary Busey.
Several grenades were found in a bag at the Newark Airport. When the people who found the bags realized they were in Newark, they pulled the grenades but didn't throw them.
A Nigerian e-mail scam is using Hillary Clinton’s name. To make it more convincing, every subject line reads "RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: I hate you Bill."
Shoppers in California were pepper sprayed by a purse thief in a department store. Hey lady, black friday is over.
Proposed federal guidelines say that anyone having sex with two or more partners in a year would be a risk for organ donation. This is great news for people getting my organs.
Ann Coulter recently called John McCain a "douchebag". Who is still letting this bitch talk?
That's all I have for today! More coming soon!
Showing posts with label Indianapolis Colts. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Indianapolis Colts. Show all posts
Tuesday, December 6, 2011
Monday, October 24, 2011
"Funnier Than Women"
Joe Biden implied to a CNN reporter that he might make a run for the White House in 2016. Even Jill is saying, "No. Not gonna happen."
A study says that men are funnier than women. Apparently I wasn't included in the study.
Three new books say that the world is becoming less violent. All three books were written by men who live under a rock.
Bernard Madoff says in a letter that he feels safer in prison than in New York City. I mean it's a place full of assraping and scary men who want to kill you. And prison is frightening, too.
Doctors say an unrelenting sex drive is a symptom of rabies. That's why my dog is always humping everything.
The movie "Like Crazy" was shot without a script. A movie without a script; isn't that called a documentary?
A Detroit restaurant is offering a 338 pound hamburger for $2,000. So if you're fat and have a lot of money, this deal is for you. (That means you, Kirstie.)
The Indianapolis Colts lost to the New Orleans Saints 62-7 yesterday. That was such a collapse on Indianapolis' part, I thought Sugarland would've played the halftime show.
Justin Bieber is going to play at the American Music Awards. Just what the American Music Awards need: a Canadian.
A new study says that most children of illegal immigrants in L.A. don’t graduate high school. To be fair, who needs a high school diploma to use a Windex bottle?
That's all I have for today! More tomorrow!
A study says that men are funnier than women. Apparently I wasn't included in the study.
Three new books say that the world is becoming less violent. All three books were written by men who live under a rock.
Bernard Madoff says in a letter that he feels safer in prison than in New York City. I mean it's a place full of assraping and scary men who want to kill you. And prison is frightening, too.
Doctors say an unrelenting sex drive is a symptom of rabies. That's why my dog is always humping everything.
The movie "Like Crazy" was shot without a script. A movie without a script; isn't that called a documentary?
A Detroit restaurant is offering a 338 pound hamburger for $2,000. So if you're fat and have a lot of money, this deal is for you. (That means you, Kirstie.)
The Indianapolis Colts lost to the New Orleans Saints 62-7 yesterday. That was such a collapse on Indianapolis' part, I thought Sugarland would've played the halftime show.
Justin Bieber is going to play at the American Music Awards. Just what the American Music Awards need: a Canadian.
A new study says that most children of illegal immigrants in L.A. don’t graduate high school. To be fair, who needs a high school diploma to use a Windex bottle?
That's all I have for today! More tomorrow!
Saturday, February 6, 2010
"That Hopey Changey Thing"
Hello to my limited supply of readers! These are my jokes for February 6, 2010!
Sarah Palin is saying the policies of President Barack Obama and Democratic leaders in Congress will be short-lived. Actually, she had to say that. That was part of her contract with FOX News.
A Louisiana high school student was sent home for wearing an Indianapolis Colts jersey to school. No, not because it was a Colts jersey, but because the shoulder had a "Super Bowl Champions 2010" patch.
Sarah Palin had some pointed advice to President Barack Obama on Saturday night: "Stop lecturing and start listening." To which Obama said, "Right back atcha".
Sarah Palin also told Obama, "How's that hopey changey thing working out for you?" Sadly, that was the most intelligent grammar she had all night.
A 13 year old football player has committed to play at USC starting in 2015. He has to wait until 2015? USC would be better off if he came now.
NASCAR driver Kyle Busch proposed to his girlfriend on the track at Daytona International Speedway. To which NASCAR fans said, "Awww... Now they ain't just cuzins no more are they?"
Washington DC was hit by three feet of snow today. No wonder Chris Matthews forgot that President Obama was black. He was covered in snow.
Pete Wentz says talk of Fall Out Boy's demise has been blown out of proportion — but he isn't sure when the rock band will performing together again. Now I know where "Fall Out" came from.
Eagle protection agencies have been seeing eagles that are oddly sick because of food they ate. It's gotten so bad that instead of bird poop landing on people, it has been bird puke.
Jersey Shore is all about fake boobs, drunk people, abs, and hookups. Jersey Shore? Why not call it "Jersey Whores"?
Well that's it everyone! Thanks for reading!
Sarah Palin is saying the policies of President Barack Obama and Democratic leaders in Congress will be short-lived. Actually, she had to say that. That was part of her contract with FOX News.
A Louisiana high school student was sent home for wearing an Indianapolis Colts jersey to school. No, not because it was a Colts jersey, but because the shoulder had a "Super Bowl Champions 2010" patch.
Sarah Palin had some pointed advice to President Barack Obama on Saturday night: "Stop lecturing and start listening." To which Obama said, "Right back atcha".
Sarah Palin also told Obama, "How's that hopey changey thing working out for you?" Sadly, that was the most intelligent grammar she had all night.
A 13 year old football player has committed to play at USC starting in 2015. He has to wait until 2015? USC would be better off if he came now.
NASCAR driver Kyle Busch proposed to his girlfriend on the track at Daytona International Speedway. To which NASCAR fans said, "Awww... Now they ain't just cuzins no more are they?"
Washington DC was hit by three feet of snow today. No wonder Chris Matthews forgot that President Obama was black. He was covered in snow.
Pete Wentz says talk of Fall Out Boy's demise has been blown out of proportion — but he isn't sure when the rock band will performing together again. Now I know where "Fall Out" came from.
Eagle protection agencies have been seeing eagles that are oddly sick because of food they ate. It's gotten so bad that instead of bird poop landing on people, it has been bird puke.
Jersey Shore is all about fake boobs, drunk people, abs, and hookups. Jersey Shore? Why not call it "Jersey Whores"?
Well that's it everyone! Thanks for reading!
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