A study of King Tut's body has shown that he probably died due to complications stemming from malaria and a broken leg. Now I'm still not sure how Ken Griffey Jr. didn't die in Cincinnati.
The Cleveland Cavaliers acquired Antawn Jamison from Washington on Wednesday night in exchange for Zydrunas Ilgauskas, a 2010 first round pick, and ten unloaded handguns.
NBC is hoping the Olympics brings back some of the audience they have lost in recent years. As a matter of fact, they will show reruns of the Olympics at 11:35 once they finish.
A plane crashed into an office building housing nearly 200 federal tax employees on Thursday, setting off a raging fire that sent workers fleeing as thick plumes of black smoke poured into the air. It's nice how these people get a little preview of hell before they die.
A southwestern Pennsylvania woman was charged with hitting her adult son with a Louisville Slugger after she allegedly came home drunk. The woman has been charged with assault while the son was charged with a baseball bat.
Bill Clinton says his "lack of sleep" added to his health problems. Of course he didn't sleep. He had so many late night plans it was hard to catch up.
Bill Clinton says his "lack of sleep" added to his health problems. That's because Hillary kept waking him up at 3 A.M. to answer the phone for her.
A study says that happy people are less likely to develop heart problems. The study was conducted once Bill Clinton received his diagnosis.
A study says that happy people are less likely to develop heart problems. This study has made happy people even happier and sad people even sadder.
A study says that eight in ten British men will be "too fat" by 2020. This marks the first time in history that 2020 was worse on BBC than on ABC.
A study says that eight in ten British men will be "too fat" by 2020. And you thought their teeth were unhealthy...
A study says that young Americans are less religious than their parents. Especially since the hit song when parents were young was "Livin' On A Prayer".
That's it for right now! Hopefully they get better tomorrow.
Showing posts with label The Tonight Show. Show all posts
Showing posts with label The Tonight Show. Show all posts
Thursday, February 18, 2010
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
"Ill-Fitting Condoms"
Retiring Sen. Evan Bayh says the public should apply an electoral “shock” to the American political system. I disagree. I would apply an electrical "shock" to the American political system.
Scientists think that the parents of the famous pharaoh King Tut were most likely brother and sister. He must have been born in the small Egyptian town of Alabama.
A new study found that many men complain about ill-fitting condoms. Wait, Americans use condoms?
The US Olympic men’s hockey team goalie, Ryan Miller, had the phrase “Miller Time” painted on his mask, but Olympics officials made him cover it up. Still no word on the US's right wing, Johnny Hammer.
A poll suggests that more than half a million Britons only wash their sheets three times a year. That same study suggests that Britons have the same mentality when it comes to their teeth.
In a recent survey conducted by Maple Leaf Foods, 43% of the respondents said they would rather have bacon than sex. The other 57% of Canadians are not considered clinically obese.
A recent study has found that 1 in 3 Americans participate in online dating. Talk about a country living in eHarmony.
A man named Robin Hood has been arrested for Identity Theft. Police first became suspicious when they saw him with the credit cards of Alan-a-Dale, Maid Marian, and Friar Tuck.
Toyota is considering a recall of its hot-selling Corolla subcompact after complaints about power steering problems. Toyota has had problems with the accelerator, brakes, and now the steering wheel. Anyone still driving a Toyota nowadays should consider a suicide prevention program.
"Tonight Show" band director Kevin Eubanks says he may be leaving the show. This is quite shocking. Someone could choose whether they wanted to leave the Tonight Show?
These are some of my best jokes I have ever come up with - all in one day! More tomorrow!
Scientists think that the parents of the famous pharaoh King Tut were most likely brother and sister. He must have been born in the small Egyptian town of Alabama.
A new study found that many men complain about ill-fitting condoms. Wait, Americans use condoms?
The US Olympic men’s hockey team goalie, Ryan Miller, had the phrase “Miller Time” painted on his mask, but Olympics officials made him cover it up. Still no word on the US's right wing, Johnny Hammer.
A poll suggests that more than half a million Britons only wash their sheets three times a year. That same study suggests that Britons have the same mentality when it comes to their teeth.
In a recent survey conducted by Maple Leaf Foods, 43% of the respondents said they would rather have bacon than sex. The other 57% of Canadians are not considered clinically obese.
A recent study has found that 1 in 3 Americans participate in online dating. Talk about a country living in eHarmony.
A man named Robin Hood has been arrested for Identity Theft. Police first became suspicious when they saw him with the credit cards of Alan-a-Dale, Maid Marian, and Friar Tuck.
Toyota is considering a recall of its hot-selling Corolla subcompact after complaints about power steering problems. Toyota has had problems with the accelerator, brakes, and now the steering wheel. Anyone still driving a Toyota nowadays should consider a suicide prevention program.
"Tonight Show" band director Kevin Eubanks says he may be leaving the show. This is quite shocking. Someone could choose whether they wanted to leave the Tonight Show?
These are some of my best jokes I have ever come up with - all in one day! More tomorrow!
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
"A Movie Shot Entirely By Chimpanzees"
Hello everyone! Here are my monologue jokes for January 26!
A movie shot entirely by chimpanzees will be aired by the BBC. Or, as the general public calls it, regular programming.
NBC says it expects to lose $250 million on next month’s Winter Olympics coverage. And they cut the Tonight Show, WHY?
General Motors Co. said Tuesday it has reached an agreement to sell its struggling Saab automobile to the small Dutch carmaker Spyker Cars NV. One company makes cars that nobody buys and will do anything to get to the top, and the other company is Dutch.
A new study suggests that the rate of hearing problems at ages ranging from 45 to 75 has been dropping for years. Look, you can't base a study off the saying, "If it's too loud, you're too old."
"When in Rome" opens in movie theaters on Friday. I think the theaters are taking the title way too literally. Instead of popcorn, candy, and soda, theaters will serve Ravioli, Ciabatta Bread, and Toscana wine.
Well, I know that's limited but I tried. Thanks for reading!
A movie shot entirely by chimpanzees will be aired by the BBC. Or, as the general public calls it, regular programming.
NBC says it expects to lose $250 million on next month’s Winter Olympics coverage. And they cut the Tonight Show, WHY?
General Motors Co. said Tuesday it has reached an agreement to sell its struggling Saab automobile to the small Dutch carmaker Spyker Cars NV. One company makes cars that nobody buys and will do anything to get to the top, and the other company is Dutch.
A new study suggests that the rate of hearing problems at ages ranging from 45 to 75 has been dropping for years. Look, you can't base a study off the saying, "If it's too loud, you're too old."
"When in Rome" opens in movie theaters on Friday. I think the theaters are taking the title way too literally. Instead of popcorn, candy, and soda, theaters will serve Ravioli, Ciabatta Bread, and Toscana wine.
Well, I know that's limited but I tried. Thanks for reading!
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