Rep. Dennis Kucinich is suing the Congressional cafeteria for an olive pit that he found in a sandwich. He's also pissed because the sandwich is taller than he is.
Singer Jimmy Buffett fell off the stage during a concert in Australia and was rushed to the hospital. That's the last time he ever drinks a margarita during Margaritaville.
NFL commissioner Roger Goodell says he’ll reduce his salary to $1 if there is a work stoppage next season. Meanwhile in Chicago, Jay Cutler's salary is going to be reduced to $1 regardless of whether he plays or not.
Utah state lawmakers may name the Browning M1911 the official state gun. Utah naming a state gun is like Kentucky naming a state rocket scientist.
Scientists believe they have found the world's oldest galaxy, and it is described as a small, hot affair that blazed to life during the childhood of the cosmos. Like Larry King's first marriage.
The body of former Italian quiz show host Mike Bongiorno was stolen from its grave. Bongiorno hosted numerous Italian quiz shows, while the thief was playing "Press Your Luck".
Snooki from "Jersey Shore" admitted her failed hookup with Jersey Shore's Vinny Guadagnino is one of her biggest regrets. Really, Snooki? Three drunken years on an MTV show and THAT'S one of your biggest regrets?
A new study says that the rise in head and neck cancers is a result of more oral sex. In a related story, Paris Hilton is undergoing chemotherapy.
A new study says that unhealthy eating can lead to depression. Which leads to more unhealthy eating, which leads to more depression...
Nintendo's profit has gone down 74%. It's so bad, their new currency is shiny stars with faces on them.
A study says that people sleep better when their bedroom is clean and comfortable. This study was conducted by moms everywhere.
An Arkansas supermarket has changed its decision to hide a magazine cover which features Elton John, his partner and their baby. What? It's not like anyone's going to buy it.
That's all I have for today! More later!
Showing posts with label Nintendo. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Nintendo. Show all posts
Thursday, January 27, 2011
Monday, October 4, 2010
"Received Death Threats"
The wife of the imam who wanted a mosque at Ground Zero said Sunday that she and her husband have received death threats. Mainly from Terry Jones.
In a recent speech, Germany’s president said Islam is, “now part of Germany”. Things got a little awkward when President Obama said the same thing about America.
The Calif. State Legislature is about to approve a state budget more than 94 days late. That ought to make Californians feel good about their government.
The CEO of United Continental Airlines will be paid $975,000 per year along with bonuses. So that's almost one million dollars per year to help a terrible business. In fact, that almost qualifies him to play for the Mets.
In Britain, a man found a dead mouse baked into a loaf of bread. He is calling it, "The greatest thing since miced bread".
John McCain told a gathering he won’t run for President again. This now puts Obama in the clear for the 2012 presidency. Oh, it doesn't? Never mind, then.
The U.S. may issue warnings to U.S. citizens to avoid public places in Europe. They issued this statement, and then immediately after, the U.S. said, "Oh, there was a terror threat?".
CNN anchor Rick Sanchez was fired after saying that the network is run by Jews. To which CNN said, "So?".
South Africa is researching a plant that when taken lifts the mood and curbs appetites. The first person South Africa plans to give it to: Rush Limbaugh.
Bill Gates and Warren Buffett hosted a dinner for the 50 wealthiest people in China. There was a strange twist of events when half of the people turned out to need booster seats.
Author J.K. Rowling says she won’t rule out another “Harry Potter” book. How do we know she's telling the truth? Because after all, her name is J.K.
Some “Star Wars” fans are upset at plans to re-release some of the films in 3D. They are upset because they don't want to have to put 3D glasses over their regular glasses taped at the brim.
A report says that French people don’t like to exercise in gyms, that working out is not part of their “lifestyle”. The same report says that French people are often confused for American people.
According to the first Census of Marine Life, almost 250,000 marine species have now been identified, and there may be at least another 750,000 waiting to be discovered. Unfortunately, 3 million marine species were killed by BP.
A study in the Journal of Sex Research found that after sex, women prefer talking, kissing, cuddling and talking about the relationship, while men prefer to smoke, eat or drink. "I had no idea", said absolutely nobody on earth.
Former President Jimmy Carter says he's recovered from a "bout with a virus" and the 86-year-old has resumed his relatively hectic schedule. You know what Windows calls an 86-year-old with a hectic schedule who just recovered from a "bout with a virus"? A computer.
After a two-month investigation, a strip club in Cocoa, Florida, was raided by police because some of the women were dancing naked. Isn't that the whole point of strip clubs?
Emergency rooms are seeing a rash of “bystander injuries” as the result of Nintendo Wii players wildly swing the console’s remote. Note to Wii players: you aren't actually boxing.
That's all I have for today! More coming tomorrow!
In a recent speech, Germany’s president said Islam is, “now part of Germany”. Things got a little awkward when President Obama said the same thing about America.
The Calif. State Legislature is about to approve a state budget more than 94 days late. That ought to make Californians feel good about their government.
The CEO of United Continental Airlines will be paid $975,000 per year along with bonuses. So that's almost one million dollars per year to help a terrible business. In fact, that almost qualifies him to play for the Mets.
In Britain, a man found a dead mouse baked into a loaf of bread. He is calling it, "The greatest thing since miced bread".
John McCain told a gathering he won’t run for President again. This now puts Obama in the clear for the 2012 presidency. Oh, it doesn't? Never mind, then.
The U.S. may issue warnings to U.S. citizens to avoid public places in Europe. They issued this statement, and then immediately after, the U.S. said, "Oh, there was a terror threat?".
CNN anchor Rick Sanchez was fired after saying that the network is run by Jews. To which CNN said, "So?".
South Africa is researching a plant that when taken lifts the mood and curbs appetites. The first person South Africa plans to give it to: Rush Limbaugh.
Bill Gates and Warren Buffett hosted a dinner for the 50 wealthiest people in China. There was a strange twist of events when half of the people turned out to need booster seats.
Author J.K. Rowling says she won’t rule out another “Harry Potter” book. How do we know she's telling the truth? Because after all, her name is J.K.
Some “Star Wars” fans are upset at plans to re-release some of the films in 3D. They are upset because they don't want to have to put 3D glasses over their regular glasses taped at the brim.
A report says that French people don’t like to exercise in gyms, that working out is not part of their “lifestyle”. The same report says that French people are often confused for American people.
According to the first Census of Marine Life, almost 250,000 marine species have now been identified, and there may be at least another 750,000 waiting to be discovered. Unfortunately, 3 million marine species were killed by BP.
A study in the Journal of Sex Research found that after sex, women prefer talking, kissing, cuddling and talking about the relationship, while men prefer to smoke, eat or drink. "I had no idea", said absolutely nobody on earth.
Former President Jimmy Carter says he's recovered from a "bout with a virus" and the 86-year-old has resumed his relatively hectic schedule. You know what Windows calls an 86-year-old with a hectic schedule who just recovered from a "bout with a virus"? A computer.
After a two-month investigation, a strip club in Cocoa, Florida, was raided by police because some of the women were dancing naked. Isn't that the whole point of strip clubs?
Emergency rooms are seeing a rash of “bystander injuries” as the result of Nintendo Wii players wildly swing the console’s remote. Note to Wii players: you aren't actually boxing.
That's all I have for today! More coming tomorrow!
Thursday, May 20, 2010
"Backing Wii Video Games"
Joke of the Day: A study says that men taking Viagra are at risk of hearing loss. This mysterious ailment is called "Becoming old".
A study says that eating processed meats like hot dogs, bacon and sausage is unhealthy. The study was conducted at the Department of Unhealthy Habits, or D.U.H. for short.
A study says that mothers kissing their kid’s “owies” may have long lasting effects on their health as an adult. The study was conducted by 4-year-olds who want to sound smart.
A Chinese Billionaire was sentenced to 14 years in prison for illegal business dealings, insider trading and corporate bribery. He was given another 3 years for stealing the U.S.'s formula.
The American Heart Association is backing Wii video games that promote exercise by the users. I would support the alternative way to exercise: actually doing that activity.
Wal-Mart pulled an entire line of Miley Cyrus jewelry from its shelves because it contains the dangerous metal cadmium. And because it was made by Miley Cyrus.
John Shepherd-Barron, the inventor of the ATM, has died at the age of 84. His body will be located at eight different places throughout Six Flags for your convenience.
Justin Bieber received a nomination for a 2010 Black Entertainment Television award. The award: worst performance by a female singer.
A Dutch sex shop is giving away 2,000 “Pope condoms”, this weekend. The only problem: They only work when you have sex with choir boys.
That's all for now. More later!
A study says that eating processed meats like hot dogs, bacon and sausage is unhealthy. The study was conducted at the Department of Unhealthy Habits, or D.U.H. for short.
A study says that mothers kissing their kid’s “owies” may have long lasting effects on their health as an adult. The study was conducted by 4-year-olds who want to sound smart.
A Chinese Billionaire was sentenced to 14 years in prison for illegal business dealings, insider trading and corporate bribery. He was given another 3 years for stealing the U.S.'s formula.
The American Heart Association is backing Wii video games that promote exercise by the users. I would support the alternative way to exercise: actually doing that activity.
Wal-Mart pulled an entire line of Miley Cyrus jewelry from its shelves because it contains the dangerous metal cadmium. And because it was made by Miley Cyrus.
John Shepherd-Barron, the inventor of the ATM, has died at the age of 84. His body will be located at eight different places throughout Six Flags for your convenience.
Justin Bieber received a nomination for a 2010 Black Entertainment Television award. The award: worst performance by a female singer.
A Dutch sex shop is giving away 2,000 “Pope condoms”, this weekend. The only problem: They only work when you have sex with choir boys.
That's all for now. More later!
Monday, March 22, 2010
"Live Fish In Barber Shops"
A California woman went into labor unexpectedly and gave birth with the help of her own children. The children called it "Talking poo-poo".
A New York man proposed to his fiancee on a bus to New Jersey. What's next? A McDonalds wedding with the onion ring bearer and the lettuce girl?
Nintendo is aiming to get game consoles into schools across the country as an educational tool. This will give children a good reason to go to school.
A huge sandstorm has turned the sky over Beijing orange. This sandstorm was so bad that most 6-year old workers actually got the day off.
The UNC college men’s basketball team is the most valuable program in the country, worth an estimated $29 Million. Yeah, I'd totally pay $29 million for a basketball team that didn't even make the NCAA Tournament.
The Tennessee Senate has approved having live fish in barber shops. Well, it beats the heck out of the Big Mouth Bass.
The Tennessee Senate has approved having live fish in barber shops. Tennessee wants to make sure that people are satisfied if they ever get hungry.
A Yemeni girl has written a book about being forced into marriage at ten years old and getting divorced at eleven. Britney Spears has sued this girl for copyright issues.
Blockbuster Video is hinting at a possible bankruptcy. This bankruptcy claim will affect their loyal customers. All three of them.
Parents of twins or triplets are more likely to get divorced, according to a study. The lone source of the study: Jon and Kate Plus 8.
A study says that video games can hurt a student’s schoolwork. This study is called "Well Duh!"
It was 117 years ago today, on March 22, 1893, that the first collegiate women’s basketball game was played. That was also the day that UConn's winning streak began.
In a TV interview that aired Sunday, golfer Tiger Woods admitted “I have done some very bad things”. Strangely enough, Tiger's mistresses said the exact same thing while he was with them.
In a recently televised interview on ESPN, golfer Tiger Woods says of his return, “It would be nice to hear a couple of claps.” No problem. He already has THE clap.
A New York man proposed to his fiancee on a bus to New Jersey. What's next? A McDonalds wedding with the onion ring bearer and the lettuce girl?
Nintendo is aiming to get game consoles into schools across the country as an educational tool. This will give children a good reason to go to school.
A huge sandstorm has turned the sky over Beijing orange. This sandstorm was so bad that most 6-year old workers actually got the day off.
The UNC college men’s basketball team is the most valuable program in the country, worth an estimated $29 Million. Yeah, I'd totally pay $29 million for a basketball team that didn't even make the NCAA Tournament.
The Tennessee Senate has approved having live fish in barber shops. Well, it beats the heck out of the Big Mouth Bass.
The Tennessee Senate has approved having live fish in barber shops. Tennessee wants to make sure that people are satisfied if they ever get hungry.
A Yemeni girl has written a book about being forced into marriage at ten years old and getting divorced at eleven. Britney Spears has sued this girl for copyright issues.
Blockbuster Video is hinting at a possible bankruptcy. This bankruptcy claim will affect their loyal customers. All three of them.
Parents of twins or triplets are more likely to get divorced, according to a study. The lone source of the study: Jon and Kate Plus 8.
A study says that video games can hurt a student’s schoolwork. This study is called "Well Duh!"
It was 117 years ago today, on March 22, 1893, that the first collegiate women’s basketball game was played. That was also the day that UConn's winning streak began.
In a TV interview that aired Sunday, golfer Tiger Woods admitted “I have done some very bad things”. Strangely enough, Tiger's mistresses said the exact same thing while he was with them.
In a recently televised interview on ESPN, golfer Tiger Woods says of his return, “It would be nice to hear a couple of claps.” No problem. He already has THE clap.
Thursday, February 11, 2010
"70 Inches Of Snow"
Singer John Mayer is apologizing for saying in the March issue of “Playboy” that Jessica Simpson is “sexual napalm”. Then again, isn't sexual napalm the whole point of Playboy?
A Georgia man walked into the sporting goods section of a Walmart, grabbed a metal baseball bat, and smashed 29 flat-screen televisions with it. That sounds like something I would do while playing Wii Sports.
Philadelphia has received over 70 inches of snow. So much for that Spike TV show called "It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia".
A new study suggests that beetles do not like heavy metal music. However, previous studies show that beetles are partial to super popular, yet controversial British soft rock bands of the 60's and 70's.
Kids drawn to sweeter-than-cola drinks are also more likely to have a family history of alcoholism and depressive symptoms, a new study finds. In other words, does alcoholism start with root beer?
A Baraboo man was accused of repeatedly shocking a male dance instructor with a stun gun, claiming the instructor was a "sinner" who "defiles married women." Nowadays, we call them "husbands".
Experts say that people can actually be bored to death. Won't that be a hell of a story you tell to St. Peter?
Experts say that people can actually be bored to death. So next time Joe Biden finishes a speech, he will be charged with attempted murder.
A study says that watching Oprah makes people more likely to commit to helping others. For example, when someone donates money to a charity, they get the money from under their chair.
A study says that watching Oprah makes people more likely to commit to helping others. Especially at the anorexia clinic. "You're not fat, just look at her".
An earthquake with a 4.3 Magnitude hit Chicago. The only thing in Chicago to be more shaky: the Cubs.
An earthquake with a 4.3 Magnitude hit Chicago. So, that nickname of theirs, the Windy City...
The massive snowstorm in Washington has actually brought down its crime rate. No wonder; Congress has been snowed out of work.
Well, that's it everyone! Hopefully they will be better tomorrow!
A Georgia man walked into the sporting goods section of a Walmart, grabbed a metal baseball bat, and smashed 29 flat-screen televisions with it. That sounds like something I would do while playing Wii Sports.
Philadelphia has received over 70 inches of snow. So much for that Spike TV show called "It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia".
A new study suggests that beetles do not like heavy metal music. However, previous studies show that beetles are partial to super popular, yet controversial British soft rock bands of the 60's and 70's.
Kids drawn to sweeter-than-cola drinks are also more likely to have a family history of alcoholism and depressive symptoms, a new study finds. In other words, does alcoholism start with root beer?
A Baraboo man was accused of repeatedly shocking a male dance instructor with a stun gun, claiming the instructor was a "sinner" who "defiles married women." Nowadays, we call them "husbands".
Experts say that people can actually be bored to death. Won't that be a hell of a story you tell to St. Peter?
Experts say that people can actually be bored to death. So next time Joe Biden finishes a speech, he will be charged with attempted murder.
A study says that watching Oprah makes people more likely to commit to helping others. For example, when someone donates money to a charity, they get the money from under their chair.
A study says that watching Oprah makes people more likely to commit to helping others. Especially at the anorexia clinic. "You're not fat, just look at her".
An earthquake with a 4.3 Magnitude hit Chicago. The only thing in Chicago to be more shaky: the Cubs.
An earthquake with a 4.3 Magnitude hit Chicago. So, that nickname of theirs, the Windy City...
The massive snowstorm in Washington has actually brought down its crime rate. No wonder; Congress has been snowed out of work.
Well, that's it everyone! Hopefully they will be better tomorrow!
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