Thursday, Sept. 1, is the start of International Enthusiasm Week. So what?
Actress Darryl Hanna was arrested in front of the White House while protesting a new oil pipeline. A woman named Darryl? She's PERFECT for prison.
Dick Cheney says in his memoirs that he didn’t change, the world changed. Never mind, those are Al Gore's memoirs.
In an interview on “Today”, Dick Cheney said he doesn’t think the War in Iraq hurt the reputation of the U.S. President Bush's reputation, maybe...
14 of the 33 trapped Chilean miners were given early retirement. Didn't they technically already have a 69-day retirement?
A physicist says he has devised a plan to cut boarding time on planes by half. It's called "being white".
An Arizona ski resort is planning to make snow from recycled sewage plant water. And you thought your frontyard had a lot of yellow snow.
A new tropical storm is arising, and it is named "Katia". Katia, as in, "We are running out of ideas".
Michael Vick signed a massive eight year contract worth $100 million. Remember the last time Michael Vick had a lot of money?
That's all I have for today! More tomorrow!
Showing posts with label Gross. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Gross. Show all posts
Wednesday, August 31, 2011
Monday, November 8, 2010
"Joined Facebook"
We lost an hour this weekend due to Daylight Savings Time. Usually, when Americans lose an hour, they watch Dancing With The Stars.
Republicans say they’re planning an all-out assault on the Obama health care program. Didn't they already do that? They're called "attack ads".
Republican Senator-elect Rand Paul says lawmakers must consider cuts in military spending. Especially since we are pulling out within the next two years.
Britain’s Queen Elizabeth II has joined Facebook. And you thought poking was creepy before.
A Chilean miner managed to cross the finish line in the New York City Marathon. In fact, it only took him 69 days.
President Obama is in India pushing for U.S. jobs. This is being called "Operation Please Come Back To America".
Amazon is buying diaper.com for $540 Million. Americans who know the difference between the two get a huge cash prize.
A study says that tonsil surgery may not help kids to stop bedwetting, as previously thought. I have to ask: Where does pee come out of us again?
Penn State coach Joe Paterno has won his 400th game. He is such a legend that he is being offered a sponsorship deal for Flomax.
Jamie Moyer appears to have ended his baseball career after injuring his elbow playing in the Dominican Republic. Really? I thought at his age, people broke their hip.
A hotel in Sweden is letting guests use their mobile phones as room keys. Of course, it's kind of hard to get into hotel rooms while driving.
Republicans say they’re planning an all-out assault on the Obama health care program. Didn't they already do that? They're called "attack ads".
Republican Senator-elect Rand Paul says lawmakers must consider cuts in military spending. Especially since we are pulling out within the next two years.
Britain’s Queen Elizabeth II has joined Facebook. And you thought poking was creepy before.
A Chilean miner managed to cross the finish line in the New York City Marathon. In fact, it only took him 69 days.
President Obama is in India pushing for U.S. jobs. This is being called "Operation Please Come Back To America".
Amazon is buying diaper.com for $540 Million. Americans who know the difference between the two get a huge cash prize.
A study says that tonsil surgery may not help kids to stop bedwetting, as previously thought. I have to ask: Where does pee come out of us again?
Penn State coach Joe Paterno has won his 400th game. He is such a legend that he is being offered a sponsorship deal for Flomax.
Jamie Moyer appears to have ended his baseball career after injuring his elbow playing in the Dominican Republic. Really? I thought at his age, people broke their hip.
A hotel in Sweden is letting guests use their mobile phones as room keys. Of course, it's kind of hard to get into hotel rooms while driving.
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
"A Canister of TNT"
Joke of the Day: A 17-year-old Utah boy mowing the lawn at his home in Hooper ran into a canister of TNT that may date back as far as World War II. The first people on the scene were the boy's dad and five moms.
April’s Consumer Confidence Index rose to its highest level since September, 2008. Which means Walmart didn't have as many shoppers as usual.
A brawl broke out in the Ukraine parliament after approving a treaty with Russia. Well that was a good treaty, wasn't it?
The Mexican government issued a warning that its citizens should be cautious if visiting Arizona. Yeah, they're "just visiting".
In Lincoln, Nebraska, a man concealed his face by wrapping his head in toilet paper before robbing a convenience store. Even more gross, it was from the convenience store restroom.
Police in Indonesia’s Papua are barred from having penis enlargement surgery. I guess they are following up that law that restricts officers from having more than one gun in their pocket.
A 10-year-old girl survived a sting from the world’s most venomous creature. Wait, I didn't know Heidi Montag was a cannibal.
Authorities said an 8-year-old boy grabbed control a pickup and brought it safely to a stop after his grandmother had a seizure while driving on a western Colorado interstate. The grandmother is now very relieved. She is thankful that she didn't have a Toyota.
Sandra Bullock has filed for divorce from her husband, Jesse James, and is adopting a baby boy as a single parent. To which Elin Nordegren said, "You can do that?".
A poll says more Americans are connecting with the government online. The same poll also said that more Americans chat with our government officials through porn sites.
The Icelandic volcano ash cloud cost European airlines more than $3 Billion in delays and cancellations. It's the happiest anyone has been with airline service in years.
The rights to the “Peanuts” comic strip have been sold for $175 Million. To which the buyer's wife said, "You forgot the Cracker Jacks".
Atlanta Braves Manager Bobby Cox says that the Cardinals’ Albert Pujols should be paid $50 Million a year. I disagree. Don't the Yankees already have a really good first baseman?
“60 Minutes” will air an interview with former “Tonight Show” host Conan O’Brien on Sunday. O'Brien and Andy Rooney will reportedly fight over who is more annoying.
A military hypersonic glider failed in a test flight. The glider was launched from a rocket to come back to earth at 13,000 mph to splash in the ocean. After the glider failed the test, military officials fired Toyota.
FINALLY FROM FRIEND AND COMEDY WRITER JERRY PERISHO
A brawl broke out in the Ukraine parliament after approving a treaty with Russia. These rarely turn into food fights; the last time I checked, you need food for a food fight.
That's all for now. More upcoming!
April’s Consumer Confidence Index rose to its highest level since September, 2008. Which means Walmart didn't have as many shoppers as usual.
A brawl broke out in the Ukraine parliament after approving a treaty with Russia. Well that was a good treaty, wasn't it?
The Mexican government issued a warning that its citizens should be cautious if visiting Arizona. Yeah, they're "just visiting".
In Lincoln, Nebraska, a man concealed his face by wrapping his head in toilet paper before robbing a convenience store. Even more gross, it was from the convenience store restroom.
Police in Indonesia’s Papua are barred from having penis enlargement surgery. I guess they are following up that law that restricts officers from having more than one gun in their pocket.
A 10-year-old girl survived a sting from the world’s most venomous creature. Wait, I didn't know Heidi Montag was a cannibal.
Authorities said an 8-year-old boy grabbed control a pickup and brought it safely to a stop after his grandmother had a seizure while driving on a western Colorado interstate. The grandmother is now very relieved. She is thankful that she didn't have a Toyota.
Sandra Bullock has filed for divorce from her husband, Jesse James, and is adopting a baby boy as a single parent. To which Elin Nordegren said, "You can do that?".
A poll says more Americans are connecting with the government online. The same poll also said that more Americans chat with our government officials through porn sites.
The Icelandic volcano ash cloud cost European airlines more than $3 Billion in delays and cancellations. It's the happiest anyone has been with airline service in years.
The rights to the “Peanuts” comic strip have been sold for $175 Million. To which the buyer's wife said, "You forgot the Cracker Jacks".
Atlanta Braves Manager Bobby Cox says that the Cardinals’ Albert Pujols should be paid $50 Million a year. I disagree. Don't the Yankees already have a really good first baseman?
“60 Minutes” will air an interview with former “Tonight Show” host Conan O’Brien on Sunday. O'Brien and Andy Rooney will reportedly fight over who is more annoying.
A military hypersonic glider failed in a test flight. The glider was launched from a rocket to come back to earth at 13,000 mph to splash in the ocean. After the glider failed the test, military officials fired Toyota.
FINALLY FROM FRIEND AND COMEDY WRITER JERRY PERISHO
A brawl broke out in the Ukraine parliament after approving a treaty with Russia. These rarely turn into food fights; the last time I checked, you need food for a food fight.
That's all for now. More upcoming!
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