Steve Jobs has died at the age of 56. His headstone is the first to come with a crappy camera.
The IRS has hit an Oakland medical marijuana dispensary with a $2.4 Million tax bill. A marijuana dispensary with that big of a debt? It has to be run by Willie Nelson.
Sesame Street has introduced Lily, an impoverished Muppet who suffers from hunger. I guess the Cookie Monster has to learn about sharing.
A study says that embarrassing moments make people more likable. Then why is President Bush's approval rating so low?
Guinness says the new rage in China is breaking world records. Like the world's shittiest drivers.
The Post Office plan for recovery involves delivering more junk mail. Nigerian princes are already writing their fake letters.
Tiger Woods has signed his first endorsement in two years, with Rolex. Really? I would've guessed Trojan.
A study says that football players who cry after a game have higher self esteem than those who don’t. I didn't know it helped your self-esteem to have people who see you cry call you a pussy.
A study says that older dads have a higher chance of having less intelligent children. "That's a straight up lie," said Snooki's 104-year old dad.
That's all I have for today! More coming tomorrow!
Showing posts with label Football. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Football. Show all posts
Thursday, October 6, 2011
Friday, August 26, 2011
"Snakes In His Pants"
Libyan President Moammar Qaddafi had a photo album of former US Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice in his compound. He would have been less embarrassed if he knew what Google Images was.
Former VP Dick Cheney had a secret signed resignation letter locked away in a safe. Apparently Steve Jobs found the combination.
Dick Cheney says his new memoir will have “heads exploding all over Washington.” More like "faces".
A man in Arizona was arrested for stuffing $4000 worth of snakes in his pants. He should have been satisfied with just one snake in his pants, if you know what I mean.
One of the most feared pests in the world has been found in Chicago. The pest is feared, which means that he obviously doesn't play for the Cubs.
Kathy Griffin says she loves Justin Bieber. I knew she was into gays and lesbians, but I didn't know she WAS one.
A Florida Marlins day game attracted a crowd of 347 fans. At this point, the Marlins are going to have to pay people to attend their games.
The Marines have banned troops in Afghanistan from audible flatulence because it offends Afghans. They were okay with 9/11, but when it comes to farting, that's where they draw the line.
Professors at the University of Georgia are offering courses for illegal immigrants who have been banned from the school. I hope somewhere in the curriculum is an English class.
Goshen College in Indiana has banned the National Anthem from being sung at sporting events because of its violent lyrics. Then after that, they will play a football game full of cursing and hard tackling.
The east coast earthquake reportedly helped a deaf man regain his hearing. He puts the "ear" in "earthquake".
A survey says suburban Chicago teens engage in risky behavior. Like betting on the Cubs to make it to the World Series.
That's all I have for today, my birthday! More tomorrow!
Former VP Dick Cheney had a secret signed resignation letter locked away in a safe. Apparently Steve Jobs found the combination.
Dick Cheney says his new memoir will have “heads exploding all over Washington.” More like "faces".
A man in Arizona was arrested for stuffing $4000 worth of snakes in his pants. He should have been satisfied with just one snake in his pants, if you know what I mean.
One of the most feared pests in the world has been found in Chicago. The pest is feared, which means that he obviously doesn't play for the Cubs.
Kathy Griffin says she loves Justin Bieber. I knew she was into gays and lesbians, but I didn't know she WAS one.
A Florida Marlins day game attracted a crowd of 347 fans. At this point, the Marlins are going to have to pay people to attend their games.
The Marines have banned troops in Afghanistan from audible flatulence because it offends Afghans. They were okay with 9/11, but when it comes to farting, that's where they draw the line.
Professors at the University of Georgia are offering courses for illegal immigrants who have been banned from the school. I hope somewhere in the curriculum is an English class.
Goshen College in Indiana has banned the National Anthem from being sung at sporting events because of its violent lyrics. Then after that, they will play a football game full of cursing and hard tackling.
The east coast earthquake reportedly helped a deaf man regain his hearing. He puts the "ear" in "earthquake".
A survey says suburban Chicago teens engage in risky behavior. Like betting on the Cubs to make it to the World Series.
That's all I have for today, my birthday! More tomorrow!
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